Don Woods

Paul Gasgoine has appeared in court after assaulting a railway official…when he was drunk……these so called celebs really brass me off…they have it all and throw it down the drain…and people STILL feel sorry for them…the guy is a waste of space…George Best was another….got a kidney transplant and still drank himself to death…the kidney might have saved someone else’s life… Gibraltar has featured heavily on the news here re all the disruption….is it me or isn’t Gibraltar in SPAIN?....it would be a different story if Spain laid claim to the Isle of Man I feel…..your take on this would be interesting. Godfrey Bloom…is a UKIP member and stated that this country is sending a billion quid each MONTH to foreign aid while we are having to close down hospitals and cut down on health care etc……while we continue to send money to “bongo bongo land”….OH!! HEAVEN’S ABOVE!! Everyone as usual piles in with their attention seeking opinions…”Racist”…etc…..the guy just says what everyone thinks…and it strikes me that the one’s complaining are the ones who keep these activities under their hat….from where I stand 12 BILLION a year would solve a lot of problems….but it doesn’t seem to…… tell it as it is Godfrey….and on the same theme Opra Winfrey was in Switzerland and wanted to have a look at a handbag…the girl in the shop told her it was too expensive…so what does she come up with?…”I was the victim of racism”….I think it’s time to put the race card away…it’s getting BORING!!! On a similar theme there was a “Billboard Competition” in the north of Scotland where there was a prize for the best design…third place went to a picture of Jimmy Savile and a load of schoolgirls….WELL!!..this was reported in the paper which has led to all the holier than thou brigade piling in….people who haven’t even seen the item….we are addicted to outrage in this country…any excuse to jump on the soapbox with no knowledge of what they are talking about….. Went to Anglesey for a few days this week and decided to go on a walk which starts in a place called Llangoed and takes you down to the Penmon lighthouse…wonderful walk…however you have to go through Beaumaris to get to Llangoed….talk about heaving…bumper to bumper through the town…car parks bursting at the seams…pavements crammed……..get to the walk and saw no-one….which shows how little imagination the human race have…sad…but good for us walkers.

There has been a lot of complaining about the money councils are obtaining from parking fines….this has always been a bone of contention with us Brits….personally I can’t see a problem…DON’T PARK ILLEGALLY !!...some people seem to think they are special and have some sort of “right” to park wherever they like with no consideration for anyone else….I find the car parking charges a bit excessive in Birkenhead so I park outside the zone and walk in…no problem. On the same subject high street shops are up in arms about the business they are losing because of double yellow lines outside their premises…SO there is a suggested move by the government to allow parking on them for a short time….have you ever heard anything more ridiculous?...can you imagine the havoc this could cause…the yellow lines are there for a reason…namely to prevent gridlock and keep pedestrians safe…or have I got it wrong…and how can this possibly be successfully monitored? On the subject of money collection there is a programme on the tele called “The Sheriffs Are Coming” and it is about a firm of debt collectors who go round and get money from people who wont pay up.It is based around people who take firms to court and get a court order for money they are owed and when the firm doesn’t pay up the “Sheriffs” are sent round….and you would definitely not argue with these guys.If they don’t get the money they seize allsorts of stuff to the value…furniture,cars..the lot….……and great guys to stand behind if any trouble breaks out. We watched a bit of Rod Stewart being interviewed….and Don couldn’t take much of it…. "Rod is one of those blokes I can’t stand…he has that Robbie Williams factor…don’t know what it is I just can’t stand them….he has an album out which he has written himself…the latest single from it is all about him…totally self indulgent…these blokes need a reality check…..”Do you think I’m sexy?”….er…NO Rod….I think you should call it a day!" There was an article on the news about drunks at railway stations and on trains…and they showed a video of this plonker…totally out of the game…trying to go up the down escalator….he was upside down trying to get on his feet….I must say I found it quite funny and even funnier when a woman came down and when she reached him booted him off the staircase…and another moron tried to kick a pigeon and lost his balance and ended up falling off the platform on to the trainline….all very entertaining but there should be a way of preventing these dopes from getting through the turnstiles in the first place…if we can get men on the moon (?) I think we can devise this.

The Royal Baby……in case you didn’t know Kate and Wills have had a baby…there was nothing else on the news for three days….even on the day before they were babbling on about nothing…Nicholas Witchall talked for 20 minutes about absolutely nothing at all….every time I see him I think of the time he asked Charles a question (I think it was in Switzerland) and Charles whispered to William “I can’t stand that man”…trouble is his mike was still on…oops!!....how you can get weeks of news out of “William and Kate have had a baby…it’s name is George”….is beyond me…not only here but worldwide…GET A LIFE !!!! ....bought a second class stamp the other day….50p……that’s 10 bob to post a second class letter….are the post office having a laugh?...what was it in our day tuppence ha’penny?...and the health and safety bods have been at it again…killer flip flops…you can’t wear flip flops for work in case they get stuck in a lift door….but you CAN wear them when you are putting a naked flame into a Chinese lantern….I understand Spain and France don’t have a health and safety executive?...if you trip over the pavement look where you’re going…am I right?....also an old age pensioner was in the news when she was at the seaside and took her teeth out to eat a banana…and a seagull swooped down and pinched her dentures….a seagull with teeth….that would be worth seeing. The train crash in Spain has been filling the news here…it looks terrible…it is alleged that it was going too fast….but it will all come out eventually….they showed the actual crash…very upsetting….what’s the take over there? The James Burton Concert went well….I was pleased with my set…the band were brilliant and old James was well on form…..he also backed Pete Wylie and Dave Nash….I reminded Charlie Landsborough of his Mersey Royal days and we had a good laugh….he did the last half of the show…great guy…..also on the bill were the Liverpool Ukelele Orchestra…Cliff Roberts,Vince Earl,Nick Crouch and Geoff Nugent and Dean Johnson….Billy Butler MC’d it all and was well on form. ... spent the rest of the week in Anglesey and enjoyed some great weather….Monty Lister and myself once interviewed a guy called Ian Skidmore who ran “Radio Brysiencyn” from his house….I’ve even got a R.B. tie…we have our caravan in Brynsiencyn so I made a few enquiries in the pub….apparently Ian moved on and eventually passed away…fascinating bloke though.

What are we like in the UK?…We have had two weeks of a heatwave …NOW they are issuing health warnings…”people could DIE!! In this unbearable heat!!!”….employees are threatening to walk out of the workplace if the temperature gets to 30 degrees………a month ago we were all complaining about the COLD and worrying about DROWNING with the floods…..I’m waiting for the “Drought Alert” which will happen any time now. I must say it certainly brings out some strange sights on the streets…not pretty ones. Our fundraising organisation The Cheshire Cats gave £500 to a local kids charity and our “chairman” was invited by the charity to join them on their invite to Prince Charles’s house…This included a tour around the gardens and a two course meal….for which you had to pay 32 quid….this plus the train fare and suit hire obviously put him off…...reminded me of my friend Monty Lister being invited to the Queen’s garden party at the Palace…..it bucketed down so Liz and Phil vanished back indoors and left the 3000 guests to brave the blizzard in the Palace Grounds…before returning home on the train soaked to the skin….er…don’t think ... The education system is being changed AGAIN by you-know-who…..11 year olds will now be graded form 1 – 6…and compared to other schoolkids around the country…can’t see the point…the teachers are saying that it will lower the kids confidence and the government are saying it gives the parents a better insight…I don’t know why the MP’s who have NEVER taught just leave it to the teachers who KNOW what they are doing. There was a programme on the tele about being ripped off on foreign holidays….Car hire was one subject whereby you think you have paid in advance for a car but when you go to pick it up there are allsorts of added extras…ie no refund on returned petrol…extra for damage insurance etc…one woman paid an extra 120 euros for a weeks car hire. Also it went on about cruises…whereby when you buy a drink there is service charge and VAT added…and if you travel as a single person you get well and truly ripped off….but that is the way of the world…and what can you do?.....I recently bought some “Extra Long Life Batteries” from TESCOS..their own brand….lasted a couple of weeks in my radio…I shall be notifying the customer services and telling them where to stick their batteries very soon. We have had the final rehearsal for the James Burton Show this weekend…This show is to celebrate 40 years since the “Aloha from Hawaii” which featured Elvis Presley….James backed Elvis on that show but he was also Ricky Nelson’s guitarist in the 50’s and early 60’s which is what I’ll be doing….I’m singing 5 Ricky Nelson hits and Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman” as JB has also backed him….the band are really good and we all know each other so we should have a good time.

.Great euphoria over Andy Murray’s win…. …..at last we have someone who can serve…that’s the key….….as for the ladies final…oh dear..none event or what…AND they get the same prize money as the blokes…….but I don’t know why they have to put so many pointless statistics on the screen…the ball revolved at 200 rpm etc…who cares?....it somewhat overshadowed the British Lions win…there was hardly a mention on the news…any other time they would have been lining the streets. There have been several arty festivals up and down the country….now I don’t know about you but poetry leaves me cold…especially when it doesn’t rhyme…and the poets go over the top when they are reciting their “works”…I just do not get poetry….don’t mind the odd naughty limerick but as far as I’m concerned it’s money for old rope......and a village down south is scraping up road kill and keeping it in fridges in case it is claimed… The television is atrocious at the moment….so I have been attempting to watch the odd American series….why is it that the Americans mumble all the time…they CAN’T act……BRING BACK SIR LARRY !!!.....darling. .... as for the BBC news….it’s time the Beeb got a grip….they had a young girl in the studio whining about a ticket collector on a train who approached her when she was breast feeding her baby and told her there were facilities in the toilets if she wanted more privacy……is it me or was there absolutely no point to this…there are charities out there who could really use 5 minutes on the national news… .....on the subject of the BBC they have been criticized for paying out big money to the past bosses…including the one who only lasted a few weeks…personally I wouldn’t pay any of them in washers…and the MPs are getting a 10 grand rise…they “reluctantly” voted in favourof it…surprise surprise….but it’s O.K. their lunch allowance will be reduced…

.As you probably know a Chinese lantern landed in a plastics factory and set the whole thing on fire…this is a display of the sheer stupidity of this nation…these things have been a hazard for years now…last bonfire night I was watching a load of them drift past my house and some were lading in trees and starting to burn…fortunately it was winter and the trees were wet….what does it take to make these halfwitted health and safety plonkers see further than the end of their nose…THE THINGS ARE DANGEROUS AND SHOULD BE BANNED !!!....FULL STOP…it’ll be a garage forecourt next…oh sorry…they are far too busy banning conkers in the playground. The M.P.s are thinking of giving themselves a 10 grand rise…it’s not decided yet…they have to vote…I wonder what the result will be?....I think it’s time EVERY M.P. was forced to give us all a breakdown as to where their salaries actually go…that would be interesting. Some member of staff in Sainsburys has refused to serve a customer because they were on the mobile phone….and Sainsburys have apologised…WHY?...people who spend their time on mobiles are just plain ignorant…but that’s the way of the world…we are developing into a nation of morons….however there is a school down south teaching manners to the pupils and showing them how to behave at the annual school prom…it was refreshing to watch…bring back manners I say ..... Also there is a move afoot to include first aid into the school curriculum…about time too…this could not only save lives it would give the kids a bit of self confidence… I spent a bit of time in Anglesey last week and went to the Holyhead Country Park…..the last time I went to Holyhead was with Monty Lister on one of his travel programmes when I worked with him on Radio Merseyside….we were on the train so I only saw the station and was not impressed at all…HOWEVER…the Country Park is wonderful…it is the site of an old quarry and is constructed around Holyhead Mountain with great coastal walks which take in the harbour…and while we were there we were surrounded by young schoolkids on a daytrip…and they were really polite and courteous…so maybe there is hope for the future generations.

The sentence of 5 years for the teacher has received a lot of disapproval from the general public … but of course all the “do-gooders” are calling him a pervert and a paedo…and of course all the overpaid psychologists come out of the woodwork with their “expert” opinions on how this could ruin the girls life etc….had it been France there would have been no problem….I think the girl is old enough to know her own mind better than some holier than though windbag. There was another happening where the bloke is a low down rat…someone took a photo of Nigella Lawson’s husband allegedly grabbing her throat in a restaurant…which gave all the “men haters” a chance to pile in...all with their one-sided opinions…I failed to see what it had to do with anyone…but oh yes…the bloke is to blame….Nick Clegg was asked if he would have intervened had he been there (which was a stupid question) and he said no…BUT Ed Milliband said he would have waded in…perleeeease…I know a chap who intervened in a similar situation in a pub and they BOTH turned on him…oh I forgot Ed’s got a few big bodyguards on hand…..how about Heather Mills taking Macca for 10 million and all these gold diggers who reel in the footballers and clean them out…….AND they get paid the same as the men at Wimbledon even though they only play three sets of tame tennis…WHY? On the subject of terrible men the Chinese women can now purchase tights with hairs on..which make their legs look hairy and stops men ogling at them…this is TRUE…….some women walk around with low cut blouses and short skirts and complain because blokes eye them up…..and all those ugly old womens libbers need to get a reality check….isn’t the attraction of men to women and vice versa the reason for the human race…isn’t that the point?..or have I got it wrong? I am a fan of Brendan Sheeran…the guy who does the “Coach Trip” series…but he has a new series (Brendan’s Magical Mystery Tour) with a different format whereby the passengers have competitions and the ones who win stay overnight in posh places whereas the losers stay in dumps….sadly I don’t think this works despite Brendan’s efforts…should stick with the original format I think…but it might pick up. Had a rehearsal this week for the upcoming James Burton Concert….it was with the full band…including my favourite backing singers The Passionettes…Louise and Dionne…they are wonderful…Nicky Crouch and Geoff Nugent were there running through there spots and I met Pete Wylie (The Mighty Wah) for the first time…great guy…he’s also on the show….which is over three days19th.20th and 21st July….the Friday is at the Floral Pavilion and features Liverpool Express,Suzi Quatro,and Chris Clayton…..the Saturday has Geoff Nugent,Vince Earl,Cliff Roberts,Nick Crouch,and Pete Wylie…I’ll be doing a Ricky Nelson set with James followed by Charlie Landsborough…the Sunday is at Fort Perch Rock and features Paul Young so it should be a good weekend….rock on.

Big news!!....the Liverpool amphibious Duck sunk in the Albert Dock….and everyone had to swim for it….several of the tourists ended up in hospital and most were rescued…calamity or what?…they are blaming a tyre which was floating in the dock and got caught around the propeller….can’t see that though….I have a possible theory….it apparently passed all the safety tests but hey it’s a world war 2 job….I think there will be a bit of suing going on…especially when the solicitors get their teeth in…..and…guess what…it’s the same duck that the Queen and Prince Pip were on last year….close or what? In Racing, Royal Ascot is underway…and the dress code was announced on tele….ties NOT cravats must be worn and top hats must be black etc etc….what a load of pretentious tripe….this is the reason I hate golf clubs…”Oh you must have a collar on your shirt when on the course and you must wear a jacket and tie in the bar etc etc”…..give me a break !!!!....try moving into the 21st century. There is a programme on the tele called “The Call Centre” and it is hilarious….it’s about a huge call centre in Swansea with an over the top boss…the characters are great as they deal with the general public who do not want to know…I’m not a lover of reality programmes…I think they are a cheap option but this one is great television….makes you a bit more sympathetic to cold callers. How about the cricket team in Norfolk who have been told they can’t use hard cricket balls anymore for health and safety reasons…they can only use the hard ball in the nets…when they are on the pitch it has to be a TENNIS BALL……as you can imagine the 100 year old club has ignored the power crazed health and safety department…and has been BANNED from it’s own ground…good stuff eh? nd finally….you can no longer report U.F.O.s….because the department you report them to has decided to close…...they mentioned one case on the tele about a guy who went camping and his car and his dog and his TENT were abducted by aliens…I wonder if the camp site charged him.

We both watched the documentary on Agnetha Falskog (the ABBA blonde)….for 63 she still looks good…….however we were a bit disappointed …didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know…she never even mentioned Anafrid so all in all it was a bit of a damp squib…she has got a new solo album out and …she has done a duet with Gary Barlowe who suggested they do the song live at some stage…. Also there was a documentary on the history of The Eagles…very interesting…they never quite hit it off at any stage but the music was great…groups?...….it’s the constant pressure that gets through to you which is what audiences don’t see. Another light aircraft has crash landed in the midlands…fortunately there were no fatalities….one hit some trees at Caernarvon airport a few weeks back…it was hired from Blackpool and the hire company said it must have been pilot error because that particular plane had done over a MILLION miles without any problems…and has been regularly serviced…I know nothing about planes but I don’t think I’d get in a CAR with a million miles on the clock……..and those electric cigarettes may be taken off the market…because they could be regarded as medicinal….ciggy companies losing a bit of money then?...I thought the government were trying to get people off cigarettes?...which is what these things are supposed to do….maybe I’m wrong. Blurred Lines .... which is top of the charts…and the dodgy lyrics… finally….Status Quo are back on tour…and they have made a film….…they are pop royalty…..Rick Parfitts said he took some steroids to combat a skin infection and his hair suddenly started to fall out…

Big hoo hah about the intention of Wetherspoons opening up a place on the motorway….”It will encourage drivers to drink”….”Those struggling to abstain will be tempted”….…the reason for the complaints is probably because Wetherspoons do cheap good value food and cheap COFFEE … unlike the present rip off service stations….and maybe PASSENGERS would like a pint…I’m a big fan of the ‘Spoons .. go get ‘em guys. Two more items of scary news this week….full out announcement - “shower gel could have a bad effect on pregnant women’s babies…and they must avoid eating food which has been plastic wrapped”…this is from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynacologists (imagine working there and having to say that every time someone asks you where you work)….but they later added that this is only an assumption…so let’s scare everyone first!!........ALSO there are KILLER jelly fish in the Med….purple ones !!....a jellyfish is like a nettle…they don’t chase you and in virtually every case you rub a bit of ammonia on the sting…end of….BUT NO everyone get your harpoons ordered….it’s hell out there !!! There are new motoring laws coming in soon….it’s an on the spot fine of £60 for tailgating…and for hogging the middle lane on the motorway…I’m all for this but I don’t know how they are going to enforce this…also use of mobile phones while driving fines go up from £60 to £100…and driving without insurance from £200 to £300…..personally I think anyone driving without insurance should get a life ban….all good stuff but it wont make a blind bit of difference…you’ll still see the loonies out there. There was a discussion on the tele about lack of quality time served entertainers on TV….people who are professional…all we get are amateur talent shows (which do my head in)…but I think the whole business is struggling because “stars” were charging too much….a pal of mine Paul Williams… ran a club in Birkenhead and back in the early 80’ people like Anita Harris were allegedly charging 3 grand……not worth it…but it crippled the game. NOW talking of major celebs…your mate Cliff has been on tele pushing his latest tour….I must say he looks very well…..now don’t get me wrong…I LIKE Cliff but he is always on a high telling us that his latest tour has had rave reviews and that he has sold x million records etc etc….we KNOW…we were THERE Cliff…….just give us Livin’ Doll and we’ll all be happy.