Don't Lose Your Headline

Greetings for… what’s the day after Women’s Day? Boxing Women? That doesn’t seem right.

We’ve been sooo busy this week; Bret’s flogging his book for free, Chris is rummaging in drawers (ooer) and Phil is sorting cards to the point of madness!

This week we have the story of a man who’s so mad at his boss, he has >= 5 ways to kill him (featuring a special guest appearance!). We try our hand at creating some conspiracy theories (which don’t go well for the ladies. Understanding of satire required ahead) and finally we have the news of a Smart Condom which can tell you just how you measure up!

Have fun, don’t get the doubt set it and please join in with Serial Japist!

Hello dudes and fems!

Bret’s going on a diet, Chris met a happy guy and Phil (and Bret) are making it big time as models.

This week, we bring you the tale of two students who’ve got themselves in a bit of a sex jam, we explore a Sliding Story about a person causing a holy ruckus in a chapel and finally, a man uses his snake to get chicken! It’s the pearfect episode, really raisin the bar, so make a date to listen!

Choo Choo, the Master Debaters are visiting today! We have guests in the form of Toffa and Sean from the MD crew, which is why this is a long one. We gained their consent!

Phil drives a car that’s on fire, Bret jizzes in his pants in Neros, Chris has some sort of new podcast! Toffa gets stuck in the shitter and Sean does heroic feats of geekdom!

We learn of a music gig with a surprising gimmick and a woman called Lynn with matrimony on her mind. A gang of thieves recreate Through the Keyhole with burglaries and we get a glimpse into CSI: Bavaria. Finally, we have a fun game based on our knowledge of masturbating and genitalia! It’s 2017, it’s fine.

Have fun everyone and please check out Master Debaters at https://soundcloud.com/master-debaters if you want to ramp up the laddish lawks, swearing and strange impressions!

We dialled down the swearing in this one, at the behest of a listener!

Chris laughs at children and finds the real meaning of ‘cloud strife’, Phil has a bit of a week with mean emails and odd phone calls and Bret has his seaman devoured.

Start your engines as we find out about pedal pumping (second best pumping episode ever?). We celebrate some important national holidays, such as bath safety month (safety starts at home). Last but never least, we learn of a rather unhappy Trump supporter (aren’t they all?).

Prepare to eat your restraining orders!

Hello fellow earth humans!

It’s DLYHL time as this week; Bret makes Ghost Recon sound more or less like Nandos, Chris meets a Bear (we aren’t sure what this means) and Phil inhales a bit of the ol’ plastic cancer smoke.

We find out that Lady Gaga’s Superbowl performance was in fact a Satanic ritual, according to the lovely chaps of the alt-right. They know all about these things. We also play a game of Balls-out Metal or Made up by Brettle? So, if you know your Ozzy from your Cannibal Corpse, you can have a go at guessing which of these metal facts are phony. Last but not least, we learn of a special new way to create jewellery, which is so personalised that nobody will want to touch it!

Enjoy and don’t forget to join in with Serial Japist! We’re rewriting the rules of punning!

This week: Uuuuurgh! A girl!

Yes, #DLYHL has a guest this week in the form of Layla Randle-Conde, writer, creator and purveyor of humorous filth for The Beezly Street Gazette. So we’re on our best behaviour! Though, 50% of us had bad throats. Can you tell which?

Bret has his heart screened for electrical nonsense, Chris reads the signs and Phil has a man-meltdown over coffee. Layla chooses her personal values over the lure of casual crime! Women, amirite?

Lots of stories for you this week! The cops get lucky while hunting for Graham Norton, there’s a slew of masturbating drivers in America (where we learn a fun new term) and Layla brings us the tale of Waitrose’s latest anti-food! Meanwhile, Phil is rocking a game that tests our knowledge of Beezly Street Gazette, the funniest silly news site this side of Trumpton.

Have fun guessing which stories are real and fake! Once again, we offer our thanks to Layla for her time and making us laugh. Please check out her site!

https://beezlystreet.wordpress.com/

Happy new Thursday release day!

This #dlyhl episode is really quite grim. Don’t listen to it. It’s not funny, it’s just horrible. Seriously! If you want to listen to a podcast of wit, banter, levity and good humour then that podcast is streaming elsewhere. Listening to this podcast can only bring misery and sadness.

Don’t listen to Chris’s Italian faux pas, Phil’s ghost cat or Bret’s Shaun. Definitely don’t listen to the tale of the airport strip search with a twist, or the myriad real and fake crimes of a truly legendary (and possibly insane) businessman/duke/prostitute. For the love of God, don’t let Phil tell you about the legendary City of the Monkey God and its flesh-eating parasites.

Hilarious stuff. Don’t forget to also never find out the answer to the #serialjapist and join in this week’s.

Come back next week instead!

Hello, it’s us again!

This week, listen out at the start for an important announcement from an impotent host! DLYHL will be coming out on Thursday from now on. That means you get a second podcast this week! You lucky dogs.

Furthermoresome! Bret bids Bunker 13 farewell, Chris gets washing himself wrong and Phil sings at a customer for 20 seconds, which is 20 too many.

We cover some thrilling news stories this week: a master criminal called The Horse Stripper is at large, we learn of Russia’s morbid answer to Uber, there’s a glass of OJ you don’t want to drink and finally Chris and Phil enter the post truth era make up some fake news about Trump. Bret keeps calling him ‘Trumpy’?!

Which stories are real? Which stories are alt-real?

Holy returning podcast!

Don’t Lose Your Headline is back in action and coming out swinging, kicking off 2017 with some brand new bizarre news stories.

Which stories are real? Which are fake? Is truth stranger than fiction? Why is Phil allowed?

Bret’s seeking out a fellow Bret, Phil’s getting poopy and Chris is getting into F1 podcasting (for realsies). We explore the tales of a man whose penis is having a bad day, a Taiwanese funeral which had pole dancers and other merriment and finally the seasonal rise of elf porn!

Enjoy the show and feel free to get in touch on our site or Twitter: @dlyhlpodcast, @bretallenwriter, @FlippingPhil and @TnMChris!

It's the Don't Lose Your Headline & That King Thing comedy special! It's silly, it's got way too many people in one podcast, and it's loud and it's full of merriment and over competitiveness and stupid team names and rude bits! Woo! Merry Crimbo, ya lucky ducks!