Don’t Wreck Yourself

Matt and Ryan are joined by Ryan Stroud from the popular... uhh, structured fiction gambling podcast Shrimp and Crits? He lends his expertise in all things alligator to help settle an unsanctioned matchup between representatives of both WWF organizations. Then they investigate a claim by a Tennessee preacher that cartoonist Matt Groening, of Simpsons fame is in direct communication with an actual, literal, demon. Then they quickly change the subject to football to avoid a lot of things they weren't ready to confront. Finally, they dig into a claim that an Amish bakery in Bird-In-Hand was even more prepositionally radical than the town's name, when they put something surprising inside their whoopie pies.

Matt and Ryan open up with a couple listener recommendations, two topics that have to do with what folks do when there's a hole in the ground (put stuff in or get stuff out). Then they discuss a curious Finnish past time that starts in your skivvies and ends up face down on the kitchen floor. Then they reflect on a boomer's reminiscence of a time when any man worth his salt was expected to be carrying at least one sharp implement. Then they give you the facts about sperm banks and orgy etiquette.

Chat with us on the CastJunkie Discord Server: https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

On this episode, Matt and Ryan plow through some minor audio issues and dive into some political claims on Twitter, a service that will be remembered in the post apocalyptic wasteland as a precursor to Truth Social, the communication platform for mutants, degenerates, and other irradiated deplorables. Then, if you like stuffed crust you better put a ring on it, and that ring should be a 10 karat gold Pizza Hut Excellence ring. Next, they look into interesting facts surrounding the planned obsolescence of the International Space Station, and finally they fact check a medical claim about the color of Vegan baby batter.

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A listener thinks they solved an internet mystery better than we did. Yeah right. As if. Everyone knows it was a tie. Then they try to convince a misguided reddit user that blue whales are the biggest animal to ever live. Then they delve into a ripped from the headlines true crime theory from the r/conspiracy that brings allegations against aliens, cannibals, and a heavily medicated sasquatch in the murder of Gabby Petito. Next they discuss a Russian boy genius who claims to be a messenger from Mars. Then they ask you to stay on the edge of your seat for the final question in which the guys dispense practical plumbing advice to a redditor with toilet troubles.

Ryan drags Matt into a dumb conversation on Twitter about the Keystone XL pipeline's relationship with inflated gas prices. Then they dream up solutions for a young man in a terrible conundrum that could end with his nasty bits being showed all over the internet. Then they open up a can of marital worms when they take on an r/amitheasshole post about a husband caught getting smoochie in public with someone who was not his wife. Finally, they take the queen to task on the eve of her platinum jubilee for underpaying her new housekeeper.

They can also be found on the CastJunkie Discord server. https://discord.gg/6wCKyq5ttn

The first rule of Dinosaur Nipple Butter Gun Club is Don't Wreck Yourself. Admittedly, this one gets weird. Matt and Ryan open up the show discussing a post from r/randomthoughts about dinosaur milk and all the anatomy that implies, before moving onto a surprising east coast/west coast beef right out of Dr. Seuss's Butter Battle Book. They go on to discuss the Chinese government's new ending to the cult classic Fight Club, and then wrap up the episode verifying a listener submitted topic about a man who used to have a golden gun. Mostly they talk about the primary and secondary sexual features of duck-billed hadrosaurs. 

You can also locate us on the CastJunkie discord server, chatting about the show and geeking out about our fellow podcasters.

Ryan and Matt star in the sequel to Shazam (the app, not the best film in the DCU franchise). Then they get into strange rumor lying at the intersection of Leonardo DiCaprio's two great loves: old school sci-fi fantasy, and women in their early 20's. Next Ryan brings everything down with gun violence statistics, and Matt saves the day by bringing up the Israel-Palestine conflict... but like, in a fun way. No seriously, there's a murder, but also in a fun way. Trust us, it will be okay. Then they finish the show by giving sound, well-seasoned career advice to all the quitters out there.

Chat with us on the CastJunkie Discord server:  https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Technical problems create an open loop in the timestream as Matt and Ryan take on a tale from a Victorian era legal dispute that proves your rights end at the tip of your nose... even if your nose has been bitten off and spit onto the floor. Then they discuss a viral image that lives at the intersection of privacy and public health, and then they squeeze in a r/nostupidquestions topic about who is the top banana in the primate fight club. Then disaster strikes, and from the ashes (sic?) emerges an edgy corporate tweet from PBR encouraging their customers to get into a whole new kind of can during Dry January.

It's 2022, and Matt and Ryan are jumping into the New Year! They open up with a recap of what you missed in their absence, and they affirm their unwavering loyalty to the ravenous content eating monster that lives at the center of the internet. Then they discuss the evolutionary advantages of humanity's end to end flavor sensors. Finally, they skirt the philosophical debate around an analogy they found on the eternal battlefield of the YouTube religious turf war. Welcome back! Happy New Year!

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Chat with us on the CastJunkie Discord Server: https://discord.gg/jh6Q8VMspy

Matt and Ryan are joined by Rick Reynolds to talk holiday shop as they form a tribunal to determine whether a Redditor from r/aita is the villain in a family Christmas drama. Then Matt and Ryan discuss what a young man with no holiday plans can do when family and friends are not an option. Following that, they give you a map lesson that starts with a question from Reddit's Explain It Like I'm Five subreddit. Then they take on an image showing a lady Krampus, and then they address another Grinchly figure crying war crimes in the war on Christmas.