"Sex 5 times a day is not enough!" I've heard this many times before, and I'm ready to tell you how this can happen.
If you have sex and afterwards you still feel empty, alone, unsatisfied, frustrated, and unhappy, you need to find healing for the actual problem. More sex is not going to help.
Why am I never happy?
Why am I not satisfied?
Why am I not getting what I think sex should give me?
Having sex doesn't satisfy a sexual addict. Sex isn't enough to help them feel fulfilled.
If you're having sex often but still feel like you can never be satisfied and never getting enough, you may have a sexual addiction.
Here are some tips to know if an addiction is controlling you.
Characteristics of Addiction:
1. Effort
This man has made attempts to stop his fantasy, pornography, self-behaviors, or acting out with others. He may have been motivated internally to stop or externally by being caught. Regardless, these efforts repeatedly end up in failure.
2. Read My Lips
Remember when President George H.W. Bush made that promise to not raise taxes and then later he did exactly what he said he wouldn’t do? The addict has made promises to stop to himself, his wife, girlfriend, pastor, friend, or accountability partner. However, he keeps breaking this promise to himself or others.
3. Consequences
As the addiction grows, consequences occur. These consequences may be a bad marriage, getting caught, getting arrested, being separated or divorced, losing a job, having a ruined reputation, getting STD’s, or being blackmailed. It could also be as simple as the constant guilt, shame, anxiety or depression a man experiences by living a double life.
4. Keep it Going
Even after consequences that are sometimes severe, this man goes back to his sexually inappropriate behavior. It seems insane to go back after such consequences, but the addicted man does exactly that. He goes back again and again.
5. Do More
Doing more is simply increasing the frequency or intensity of the addictive behavior. For the man who uses pornography this would mean he might increase his hours of use in a week. He might also increase the intensity or perversion of the pornography.
6. Takes More
For the addicted man, it begins to take more and more to get the same effect. What once was an occasional flirt with pornography can grow into many hours a week. It can also go from using porn, to using people and then to all types of attempts to do more risky acts. This is an attempt to get the same buzz he used to get from just a little pornography.
7. More Time
All addictions are behaviors that take time to perform. As the addiction grows in a man’s life it takes more time for him on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. As an addict, you preoccupy yourself by spending more time to pursue a behavior or person, then more time with that behavior or person, and maybe even more time recovering from the behaviors or events with these people.
8. The Blues / Depression
As a man increases his dependence on his addiction to deal with his current or past issues, it is very common for him to feel withdrawals when the drug behavior isn’t present or available. These cycles may include guilt or shame, or may feel like a very strong hunger to act out. Withdrawals for the sex addict are real and tend to go into remission in increments of thirty days after the last acting out has occurred.
9. Decreasing Other Activities
As the addict grows in the addiction, other things in their life must get smaller. The addict will have less time for his wife, family, recreation, social, or vocational activities. His interest in real life diminishes as the desires for more of the addictive behavior increases.
Need help with sex addiction? Visit the Heart to Heart Counseling Center website at https://drdougweiss.com | https://sexaddict.com/ or call us at 719-278-3708.
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, “Partner Betrayal Trauma™”.
Dr. Doug Weiss is the executive director of Integrity Journey Conference. Integrity Journey is a national conference designed to change the trajectory of our country’s complacency and tolerance of pornography and sexual immorality. It’s time to establish and build sexual integrity in our churches!
Visit https://integrityjourney.org/ to reserve your seat at the conference today!
For more information on Sex Addiction, go to www.sexaddict.com
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