Dr_Fumbles_McStupid's Podfic

a podfic of Haicrescendo's You Found Me (made me into something new)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Animal Abuse, experimentation

Series summary: Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.

Featuring: full time gym leader and local cryptid Zuko, badge challenger Sokka, and Katara who can only look at so many memes before she flips.

Story summary:[It’s born in a cage, in a lab that’s all stark white and generic blandness.

It’s alone, no mother or siblings present, just a face swimming in front of its shaky, infant vision. The face is considering and then ecstatic, and it feels a jerk of happiness, the first feeling it ever has.

It’s hungry but also tired, and wants to know about the world.]

Or,

The origin story of Zuko’s fire-breathing Pikachu

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a podfic of Haicrescendo's Catch Me if You Can

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: discussion of animal abuse

Series summary: Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.

Featuring: full time gym leader and local cryptid Zuko, badge challenger Sokka, and Katara who can only look at so many memes before she flips.

Story summary:[“Dude, it’s like seven am.”

“Uh huh.”

Zuko looks like he doesn’t quite understand why Sokka has a problem with this. He’s way too awake, and Sokka is not awake enough.

Sokka scrubs at his eyes.

“You know it doesn’t open til eleven?”

“Yeah, to the public. Sorry for thinking you’d want to skip out on the line that’s gonna snake through the whole city. Have fun with that—“ Zuko scowls and turns around to leave, and unthinkingly, Sokka nabs the back of his hoodie and tugs.

“No, please do not do that.”]

Or,

In which everyone’s a little nerdier than anticipated, Sokka is a public embarrassment, and Zuko gets honest.

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a podfic of Haicrescendo's Don't Say Your Heart's in a hurry

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: none apply

Series summary: Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.

Featuring: full time gym leader and local cryptid Zuko, badge challenger Sokka, and Katara who can only look at so many memes before she flips.

Story summary:[Piandao rarely feels anger with this kind of intensity and the cold waves rocking through him are startling to the point that all he can do is mumble his address, throat tight, and hang up. He’s numb with fury as he heads straight to the house and barely manages to not slam the door open.

It startles Zuko anyway, perched on the sofa with Druk and Foxglove bundled up on either side of him.

“Are you...okay?” He asks after a moment of silence, because all Piandao finds that all he can do is stare at him. “Master Piandao?”

“I cannot believe you,” he finally manages to force out, “Two years. Two years here with me, and you let Iroh think you were dead.”]

Or,

The reunion chapter.

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a podfic of Haicrescendo's Have the courage to be Bold

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: none apply

Series summary: Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.

Featuring: full time gym leader and local cryptid Zuko, badge challenger Sokka, and Katara who can only look at so many memes before she flips.

Story summary:[Zuko wants to cry. He drops his face to the floor and sniffles into the wood and a few tears slip out of him anyway.

“Yes, you’re very fierce, little one,” Piandao tells Druk, very gently, with his hands up. “I will not hurt him.”

Zuko stifles a quiet little sob into the floor.

“Come, now. Off the floor, boy. Up, up.” Large hands grip Zuko by his upper arms and peel him up off of the floor, lifting him bodily and setting him back into his generic blue bed with its generic blue comforter. “Who did that to your face?”]

Or,

Zuko finds rescue from an unexpected source, is definitely not accidentally kidnapped on purpose, and beats up his fellow kids.

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a podfic of Haicrescendo's The Deepest Water

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: none apply

Series summary: Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.

Featuring: full time gym leader and local cryptid Zuko, badge challenger Sokka, and Katara who can only look at so many memes before she flips.

Story summary:[“You’re great,” Sokka says to Iroh, “But I’m going to murder your nephew. He’s dead to me.”

Despite Sokka’s forewarning that he would be coming and Zuko’s eventual confirmation via text that he would be there, Vulca’s gym leader is very decidedly not where he is supposed to be.

“You’re welcome to try,” Iroh replies, trying way too hard to sound serious and radiating amusement instead. “If you’d like, you’re welcome to battle me in Zuko’s stead.” He has that authority, Sokka knows, because Zuko’s told him so even though Vulca’s gym regent isn’t well advertised. Nevertheless, he shakes his head.

“No. It doesn’t count as a rematch if it’s you. Besides, I need to go find him and pound some manners into his damn head.”

“Again, you are very welcome to try.”]

Or,

Sokka gets blown off, helps rescue a pokémon, and maybe rescues Zuko a little bit too.

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a podfic of Haicrescendo's Keep moving forward to stay alive

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Child abuse

Series summary: Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.

Featuring: full time gym leader and local cryptid Zuko, badge challenger Sokka, and Katara who can only look at so many memes before she flips.

Story summary:[“Watch the tail, child.”

Zuko watches the tail and cradles the baby Charmander carefully and close. It sleeps soundly like most infant pokémon and doesn’t stir even when he has to shift its position.

He knows at that very instant that he would rather die than see it harmed, and the potent spike of feeling burns his throat and the space behind his eyes.

Azula holds her Bagon with reluctance, uncomfortably, like she’d rather drop it to the floor.

Zuko never wants to put Charmander down.]

Or,

Zuko’s life has never been easy and somehow, it always manages to get harder.

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a podfic of Haicrescendo's The Extra Mile

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: none

Series summary: Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.

Featuring: full time gym leader and local cryptid Zuko, badge challenger Sokka, and Katara who can only look at so many memes before she flips.

Story summary: [“Let me remind you that I haven’t seen you in person in like, a month, Researcher Pakku gave me the week to hang out with you, and instead of giving your favorite sister your undivided attention, you’re texting some weirdo who sends you...memes?”

“They’re really good memes, though!” Sokka protests, and shows her. Katara is not impressed.

“...Sokka, it’s a picture of a dude and a Butterfree going ‘is this a Pidgey?’. I think you need better taste in memes. And maybe friends.”]

Or,

The one where Katara very seriously considers an intervention for her brother.

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a podfic of Haicrescendo's I wanna be the very Best

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: none

Series summary: Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.

Featuring: full time gym leader and local cryptid Zuko, badge challenger Sokka, and Katara who can only look at so many memes before she flips.

Story summary: [“Gym Leader Zuko?” He asks hopefully, and the grin the man sends him dashes his hopes into smoke.

“Afraid not,” the man says, “Zuko is my nephew and unfortunately, he’s not here right now.”

“Shit.” Sokka squirms a little. “Any idea when he may be back? I need his badge so I can—“ Go beat up Aang for being annoying and perfect at everything and making champion at thirteen goddamn years old while Sokka’s doing this whole thing late— “Better myself and reach true enlightenment. Uh. Sir.”

The man says nothing about Sokka’s age, just hmmms in consideration and rustles his bag.

“Call me Iroh,” the man says. “My nephew is like a spring wind, vivacious and—“

Flighty.]

Or,

The Pokémon AU that nobody asked for.

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a podfic of mindbending's Boomerangs and rainbows

Rating: Teen and up

Warnings: - a "surprise kiss" in Chapter 1 with the associated consent issues - a largely non-graphic description of meat-related farming practices that may be unpleasant - discussions of death, war, and ethics - cactus juice - a brief mention of a captive being forcibly drugged - a brief mention of a side character using fire bending to cauterize their own wound - descriptions of being stuck in small spaces

Summary: At Sokka’s behest, the Gaang skips rescuing Zuko during the Siege at the North Pole. Instead they leave him, unconscious, buried in the snow.

In completely unrelated news, Sokka’s haunted by a ghost now.

(If you'd like more details before deciding to read this story, look here for spoilers.)

a podfic of mindbending's Boomerangs and rainbows

Rating: Teen and up

Warnings: - a "surprise kiss" in Chapter 1 with the associated consent issues

Summary: At Sokka’s behest, the Gaang skips rescuing Zuko during the Siege at the North Pole. Instead, they leave him, unconscious, buried in the snow.

In completely unrelated news, Sokka’s haunted by a ghost now.

(If you'd like more details before deciding to read this story, look here for spoilers.)