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If you have ever faced a big challenge, you're already aware; it is critical to know how to get clarity.

How It Feels to Have a Big Challenge

It hurts to face a big challenge and have no idea how to resolve it. It's painful, frustrating, and raw. If you're facing a big challenge you have never faced before, there's this conversation that might go on in your mind.

On the one hand, you might think that this is a common problem. Maybe everyone else has experienced what you're facing. Somehow, perhaps everyone else knew how to get clarity as well.

On the other hand, everyone else seems to know how to solve it. But you don't. And you aren't confident their answers will work for your situation. It could be embarrassing to ask for help.

Or it might push away your friends and family, who have thought you were amazing up to this point.

The big challenge is making you feel weak and completely lost.

How to Find Clarity.... or Not

So you Google it....

And you find advice that covers the entire range of possibilities, from ignoring the challenge, to walking away from it. And from ignoring your feelings and powering through it to hiring a specialist to solve it for you.

With so many possibilities, and the sheer size of this big challenge, none of these options feels good.

And you still don't know how to find clarity to see this challenge differently.

You know that you're stuck. And, you need to find out how to get clarity.

Your Next Steps to Resolve the Big Challenge

As you think about the awareness and clear thinking you're looking for, you really have two options. First, you can sit on this problem until something naturally unfolds. Or, you can find a magical way to see more clearly in order to actually resolve the problem.

If you sit on your big challenge until something naturally unfolds....

If you find a way to see clearly and actually resolve the problem....

In today's podcast, I'll share strategies to help you find greater clarity so that you can move through a difficult problem or challenge.

 

This is episode 43, Storytelling About the Past.

Have you ever told a story about the past? Or, maybe someone in your family told it about you? And in that story, you did something silly, or odd, or embarrassing?

When that story is told, it's just another reminder of our weakness or frailty. Or, maybe about our mistakes.

And the brain, which likes to draw conclusions quickly to save its energy, the brain screams out, “Yes! We really were silly, or embarrassing, or made a major mistake, and we always will.”

This idea that our brain likes to add to the story, that it will always be this way, it's something called an “automatic thought.”

Stories About the Past Create “Automatic Thoughts.” 

The brain loves to feed us automatic thoughts.

The interesting thing is that mistakes are just things that happen on the timeline of life. But they aren't the definition of who we are.

In fact, we can look over the past, the stories we have told about them and stories that others have told about us about past events, and we can actually change those stories and begin to see those experiences mistakes or life events totally afresh. In other words, we can change the past by changing the stories we tell about ourselves.

Tips to TryIn today's episode, you'll learn about stories we tell about our past. We can find new meaning by exploring automatic thoughts and taking control in the present.

When a challenge confronts us, we can get new results by asking reflective questions like these

* What am I doing to create this problem for myself, or how do I escalate it?

* Am I giving up my control over the situation?

* Am I giving up my power to other people on purpose? Am I blaming others? Am I making excuses to justify why things are the way they are am I avoiding or putting off actions?

* What is my role in the problem?

* What is the benefit I'm getting when things stay this way?

* What is it costing me to keep things this way?

* What would I rather experience?

Once we can see the space between  challenging situation we're experiencing and how we'd like things to be, we can take action.

Here's to being the best you this week!

 

Today’s podcast is about simplifying.

Have you heard of “minimalism?” It’s the idea that we don’t really need everything we have in our lives.

It could be material possessions. Or activities. Events we plan to attend.

Have a Mindset to Advocate for yourself, or in other Words,  “Toot Your Own Horn”

Have you ever wondered how to advocate for your best traits, or "toot your own horn?" Sharing what you're good at takes a courageous, confident mindset.

I’ve coached a lot of individuals from all walks of life and career areas who wanted more confidence. That isn’t what they said when they asked to be coached. But it was what they were seeking.

What Do People Want?

At first, we want to figure out how to be happier at work. Or, we want to know what to do to grow a coaching business the "right way." Or we are senior directors in the corporate world and in other leadership roles/ And, we want to learn how to navigate challenging managers, co-workers, or situations.

In several cases, we gain confidence pretty quickly. But, as we begin taking actions consistent with our decisions, we second-guess things ant stop again.  And we are back at the place of feeling stuck. We wait for someone outside ourselves to approve, guide us, or give us confidence.

In all of these circumstances, many individuals I have coached had an unclear idea of who they really were. And, their sense of control was focused on things outside themselves, rather than what was inside them.

For each of these people, this feeling was frustrating. It is something I call “being stuck.”

What Does it Mean to Be Stuck?

When we are stuck, the way forward is unclear. It seems impossible to know what the “right” answers are. Possibilities are limited.

There is drama, and things feel heavy.

We may also feel isolated—like we’re on our own to figure things out with no good ideas about how to do that.

This stuck feeling stays with us, from work to personal life. We believe that if we just put in more time and effort, we’ll magically become free and resolve this problem.

And sometimes we do.

But it comes back again, and we’re waiting again for the right people, resources, and solutions to help us get unstuck again.

What Would Help Build Confidence?

What we usually want is an internal compass that makes sense to us.

We want to take action without waiting for the right answer from someone else. And, we want to trust our own instincts and thoughts.

Basically, we are were looking for confidence and clarity.

Many of the people I've coached have wanted what we all want. To know who we are, know that we are enough, and know that we matter.

What Do We Lose if We Don't Adopt a Confident Mindset?

When we’re not sure about who we really are, we can never become the best version of ourselves.

We question everything.

And, we take longer to do things because we’re always looking outside ourselves for the answers.

Ultimately, we wait for someone to tell us that we’re on the right track. Or that we are enough and will succeed in something we’re planning or considering.

Confidence from Within Helps You "Toot Your Own Horn"

My Grandmother Gladys sold braziers. On a typical day, she would observe others and see a woman across the street walking by.

And she would run across the street to tell the woman how she needed a new bra. And how she could help.

She naturally sold to women with the intent of making their lives better and improving not only their appearance but their physical posture and sense of overall well-being.

Gladys had no problem advocating for what she sold, because she knew it was valuable.

When we take time to reflect, we create innovative solutions. We attack urgent tasks more aligned to our values and purpose. And, we balance fast, spontaneous thinking with slow, deliberate thoughts.

In today's podcast, you'll learn why reflection is a good thing.

What Happens When We Don't Take Time to Reflect?

And, when we don't take time to reflect, it has a big impact.

We slow down.

We're less efficient. And, we're more likely to make mistakes.

Why Reflection is Good for You

Reflection brings many benefits, including an increased sense of control.

When you write things down and think about your day, this strengthens your memory.

Furthermore, this habit can help you track personal growth over time.

As a journal-keeper myself, I attest to the fact that journaling gives structure to my own life. And, it helps me make sense of much of what I have done or experienced.

How to Do It:

Through today's podcast, you'll gain new strategies to approach written reflections.

Journaling is one way to reflect on your day, week, month, or year. When you write things down, you can record observations you make. Write about new ideas. Experiences.

In a journal, you might also write about feelings, emotional moments, and deep thoughts.

It's a great place to articulate your goals, dreams, and plans. 

Reflecting about your work performance and growth are other areas you might consider.

Lastly, find a method that works well for you. And, make it a habit.

For more ideas about journal writing, visit IAJW.ORG.

Reflecting through an online app can make the process even easier.

Tools To Try:

If you're looking for a good journaling app, consider "Five Minute Journal." This one gives you options to include photos and suggests various prompts to get you started.

As second option is "Day One," which provides customization. Additionally, I suggest "Friday" because it helps you form a habit through automation, and tagging is another perk

 

Did you know that self-awareness is a mindset? Seeing ourselves, including our strengths, traits, weaknesses, and other attributes, can be a lens through which we see ourselves more clearly. Clarity comes from increased self-awareness. Self-awareness can save us both time and energy when we use it to determine our direction, next steps, and understand our daily work.

In today's podcast, I share five ways to become more self aware, inspired by an article from Harvard Business review called "5 Ways to Be More Self-Aware," by Anthony K. Tjan. 

Here are additional resources for greater self-awareness, mentioned in today's podcasst:

* 16 Personalities

* Truity

* MyersBriggs.Org

 

Forgiveness is an elusive topic, and yet possible with a "mindset to forgive." Mindset is one's mental disposition. Our automatic thoughts.

Forgiveness is a character strength. If you take a moment to visit the VIA Character Strengths Survey, you will learn how strong of a trait this is in your life. If it’s not a strength for you or for me, it can be developed.

In his book “Forgiving What you’ll never Forget,” David Stoop wrote the following: “To forgive is, in the English language, an extended, expanded, strengthened form of the verb to give. By intensifying the verb we speak of giving at its deepest level, of self-giving, or giving forth and giving up deeply held parts of the self. We give up the right to revenge, to perfection, to justice, and instead we give forth to ourselves—or to the other person—freedom from the past and an openness toward the future. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves and others.” (p. 21)

In order to need forgiveness, we must first have judged that something SHOULD have happened. Or, something should NOT have happened. Either way, something is very wrong, and based on what we believe to be true, we might also believe that someone should fix it, make it right, or pay for it.

These beliefs are stories that go with our thoughts about what happened.

About Forgiveness

For today’s podcast, we’ll consider whether forgiveness is a mindset, and these questions:

* How have you typically defined forgiveness?

* Why should we forgive?

* How do we do it?

HOW HAVE YOU TYPICALLY DEFINED FORGIVENESS?

I used to define forgiveness as something I might want from others, when I have made a mistake. I thought it meant that I would apologize, try to fix whatever I did, and ask the other person involved to give me forgiveness.

When I thought about forgiveness this way, it seemed that I could never be in control of it. Someone else, outside of me, had the power over forgiveness. Perhaps I could never do enough to earn their forgiveness.

If that was true, then no matter how sorry I was, or how much I tried to fix things, ultimately someone else could decide whether I could let it go, feel better, and move on. Expecting forgiveness to come from someone else is a common way to think about it, but there are several reasons why this is a problem.

Have you ever defined forgiveness this way?

If we look at forgiveness as something someone else gives the offending person, there would be no forgiveness when someone has died, when there isn’t any way to contact the other person, or when the offender has truly changed and made things right but the victim is holding tightly with an unwilling heart.

So, for many reasons, forgiveness is not something we can expect to get from other people.

In his book “Bonds that Make Us Free,” Terry Warner defines forgiveness this way:

“Forgiveness, correctly understood, is the process by which we open ourselves to the reality of others and thereby undergo a profound personal change.”

When someone asked about how you can forgive another person and forget at the same time, Warner went on to say that “we cannot accuse someone in our heart and at the same time forget about the wrong we’re accusing them of doing.” After all, in order to forgive, we must first accuse someone of wrongdoing.

Accusation and Blame

Basically, when we believe that someone has offended us, or wronged us, we accuse and blame them.

We might hate, resent, or hurt them in return. We harden our hearts against the other person and build invisible walls to separate ourselves from them.

It’s like we start a war with someone who has hurt us,

In today's podcast, I'm excited to discuss how to overcome negativity in life, relationships, and business. Sure, it might seem a bit unusual that I'm excited about negativity, and I agree this is a strange polarity. I'm excited because negativity is everywhere. We experience it within ourselves, with family members, with colleagues, with those we teach or manage, and with bosses. Although not everyone is negative all the time, negativity seems to creep in everywhere.

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in negative thinking and didn't have a way out?

Have you ever believed that someone else was being negative, shooting down all of your ideas?

Today, I'll share three strategies you can use to tackle your own negative thinking.

I'll also share a conversation structure idea for managing negativity with another person, from "Conscious Business," by Fred Kaufman. 

Both approaches are extremely helpful. If you're still wondering how to get through negativity today, this podcast will help you break free.

Negativity is a problem because it stops creativity. It closes doors. It removes possibility.

Negativity can become a mindset that shades everything, like wearing a pair of tinted glasses. Yet it doesn't have to be that way. Optimism and realism can exist together, and this kind of balanced perspective creates possibilities.

Enjoy the podcast!

For a link to the book I've mentioned in this podcast, Fred Kaufman's "Conscious Business," please click here.