Wiebke and Zoe predict the outcome of the 2016 Presidential election. Hint: mutually assured destruction. Also, watch out for tequila.

It only took us 45 minutes to figure out how to record a virtual get-together. Lucky for you, we had plenty of talk left after we beat the Computers.

The topic: regrets. We’ve only had a few. But they are worth mentioning, mainly because they include stories.

It begins as our last in-person recording session for a while and quickly devolves into super-nerdry as we discuss the best books of all time and complain loudly about all the bullshit we had to read in high school.

Next step, start a book club and have amazing opinions on everything we read.

There’s a specific skillset that it takes to survive and thrive in a military or paramilitary lifestyle. Sometimes people are just assholes, but a lot of fails in the lifestyle have to do with people who just can’t hack it.

We’ll teach you how to hack it. Because we’re awesome.

Takeaway quote on self-care and relationship health: “No bitching and moaning. You gotta’ drop the hammer and make it happen.” -Wiebke

Wiebke and Zoe debate the whole Stars and Bars Confederate Battle Flag thing. They disagree. Beers are drunk, burps are heard. Both sides are well-represented and each believes she won.

Perhaps the crowning achievement of this podcast are the suggestions for a new and improved flag for The South. Check out the Drunken Hausfraus on Facebook and vote for your favorite.

Summer time, when douchebags are lured out of their winter hibernation by the light of the sun and the promise of a perfect mocha tan accented by a fuzzy pink speedo.

You’re going to hear a lot of things you agree with. And then you’re going to hear something that hurts your feelings. And that’s because it’s you. You’re THAT douchebag.

But it’s okay. Everyone is someone’s douchebag.

During the many hours of dishing out expert relationship advice, the gals got into a rousing discussion over the state of bathroom doors in committed relationships. Wiebke and Lulu were firmly in support of Open Doors, Zoe and Gretchen were firmly opposed.

Enjoy this explicit snippet. Remember: everybody poops.

Enhance all the body parts! (Any excuse to use #giantpenis as a tag.)

Don’t go crazy – people who go crazy with it look like royal assholes.

EXPLICIT

We’re obviously the most qualified people on the planet to offer relationship advice. Here’s a top 10 list of our best tips and tricks to a fantastic lifetime of peace and happiness with your significant other.

We waded through over four hours of random conversations about things tangentially related to relationships to get you these 45 minutes of pure gold advice. Listen carefully, take notes, and do everything we suggest. Guaranteed to make your relationship last at least 16 years.

Wiebke and Zoe revisit George Carlin’s masterful standup routine where he calls out the seven WORST WORDS. It’s been a while since 1972; are those words all still terrible? Any fun newbies with which to horrify the upstanding citizens of YOUR small town?

This episode features rare, hard-to-find backstory which might give you some clues as to the mysterious inner workings of our intrepid heroes. We bring it all back to bad words, though. We’re fans of vulgarity. We like to end on high notes.

SUPER EXPLICIT – some adult listeners will probably be offended; definitely not for kids, and definitely NSFW unless you work at a really progressive brewery in Portland or something.