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Empathy - or the ability to share the feelings of another - is truly something that we are (almost) all born with, but is something that is, if it is not practiced or nurtured at an early age, will fall away. It can be developed, and it is a key skill to effective communication, which in turn is critical for achieving what you would like to achieve in your life. You could WANT to have empathy for another for these reasons, but that would be really inauthentic and not true to yourself. The idea is that through your demonstration of your empathy, you learn more about yourself that you would otherwise.
This podcast episode attempts to provide a perspective to anyone asking these questions:
- Advice for empathy?
- How to be more empathetic?
- How to be more empathic?
- How to care more about people?
- How to connect more with people?
- How to show empathy?
- How to show my love?
- Sympathy vs empathy?
- Techniques for empathy?
- Tips for more empathy?
- Why am I not empathetic?
- Why am I not empathic?
- Why be empathetic?
- Why be empathic?
The problem is that so many things in a typical routine are not designed to support the development and nurturing of empathetic, and we are not actively choosing to consistently express our empathy when situations arise. We are confusing the meaning and defining element of the ability to feel connected to one another, although they are easily regained.
Idea #1: Sympathy and empathy are not the same thing.
We are confusing the idea of sympathy with this idea of empathy. Sympathy is simply the recognition of a feeling within another, and perhaps even an intellectual comprehension. Empathy is FEELING it, within your bodies, as the feeling being actually real to you. The willingness to actually feel the feeling that someone else is having means that you would be compelled, in your shoes, to take action upon those feelings. It does not mean that you MUST take action, but the feeling of being compelled to do so is a sign that you are integrating the feelings of another. I have a friend who understands this extremely well and is applying this concept into food pantry. Whereas most food pantries operate with a sympathy mentality - we feel sorry for people and therefore we set up an infrastructure that embodies that, he is operating from a place of empathy. Instead of a singular location as most pantries operate, his is a mobile model that sets up mini pantries where the people in most need are. He is becoming wildly successful in serving his fellow community member.
Idea #2: Empathy is not a means to an end.
Neither is generosity, or compassion, or kindness. The superficiality of being nice to someone by doing something that nice people do will only go so far. If the intention is not sincere, the lack of depth will come through in the action. This superficiality is typically representative of a desire to connect with others, but a fear of seeing a part of ourselves. When we feel the feelings of another, if we are not steadfast in knowing who we are, then we can become confused that those feelings are our feelings, and that they represent something external to us.
Idea #3: Empathy is NOT about pity for someone below you.
This is a HUGE program. We've culturally come to associate empathic abilities with feeling sorry for someone. This is a narrow interpretation that is containing the ability. Empathy is the ability to feel the feelings of another without judgement. This means that when you see someone that appears to be happier than you, your empathic abilities are available to feel that feeling, so as to be able to lift you up.
Idea #4: So, how do we use empathy? We just do!
We choose to connect with other people because we see them as our brothers and our sisters. We put ourselves in their shoes and feel it, then allow those feelings to come through it. Yet, we do not identify with them. This is not about projecting or assuming or stereotyping, those are all mental games. This is about the feeling and the feeling alone.
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