This episode’s question comes from Eric in Billings, Montana:
Question:
"I see a lot of other parents pushing their kids really hard to succeed. Sometimes it feels too much. Am I hurting my kids by not pushing them hard enough?"

The Goal:

Winning or achieving success should not be the ultimate focus of parenting. Instead, the aim is to nurture children’s hearts and help them become whole, healthy individuals.

Common Misconception:

Many parents believe that their job is to ensure their kids achieve success, whether in sports, school, or life. But this pressure often teaches children that their worth is tied to performance, which can stifle their growth and lead to anxiety.

1. Winning is Not the Goal:
   • Winning or high achievement is not a measure of parental success. What matters more is raising children with character, joy, and resilience.
   • A shift from performance-based parenting to heart-centered parenting allows kids to thrive without fear of failure.
2. Love is Not Based on Success:
   • Emphasizing performance can inadvertently make kids feel that they need to earn their parents' approval. God's love is unconditional, and our parenting should reflect that.
   • Success-driven parenting risks building fragile identities that crumble when achievements fall short.
3. Failure is a Growth Opportunity:
   • Losing or falling short can be valuable teaching moments. These moments provide opportunities to build character, humility, and perseverance.
   • Instead of focusing on wins, focus on effort, attitude, and joy in the process—whether your child wins or loses.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "An emphasis on winning is a losing plan for parents."
• "God’s love is not based on merit, and neither should ours be."
• "Our kids are more than what they accomplish."
• "Winning might feel good, but it’s not the point—wholeness is."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Winning isn’t everything: Success isn’t the goal. Parenting should focus on shaping character, not chasing achievements.
• Love must be unconditional: Children need to know they are valued beyond their accomplishments.
• Embrace failure: Use moments of struggle as opportunities for growth. Value your child’s effort and attitude more than their outcome.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody challenge the idea that success defines good parenting. They explore how focusing on effort, joy, and character development—rather than chasing wins—leads to healthier children and relationships. Parenting, they argue, should reflect God’s unconditional love, freeing kids to grow without the fear of failure.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com