Earwash

After a month-long manhunt and an unplanned four-week hiatus, this episode finally contains the answers you seek - as long as those answers pertain to what on earth happened to Jonathan Crepuscular on his Valentine's Day date and why he went missing for over a month. As for why this podcast went missing for a month, though... Well, that's for me to know and you to continue to ponder.

In a lo-fi episode (which is a polite way of saying 'poor sound quality'), Douglas explains his unexplained five week absence, and makes a shocking discovery worthy of Alfred Hitchcock (which is a fancy way of saying he saw something weird out of his rear window)

In a creative slump, Douglas consults the most productive creative person he knows for inspiration, learning a delightful new game in the process. Please feel free to play it too, and discover a whle new world of genital euphemisms

In a natant ninety-fifth episode, let us expand our vocabulary with some interesting and (for once) non-obscene things that Douglas has written in his notebook. They all come from the time when he was reading The Lord of the Rings, so are probably of minimal use to you in your every day life, but who knows, perhaps the world would be a better place if more people knew more medieval words. Only one way to find out - listen and absorb...

In a noological ninety-fourth episode, we are joined by omni-critic Horace Perrault to gaze into the darkness that lies beneath a seemingly cute Nintendo game. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a cute plant creature being thrown into a human face - forever.

A delve into Emergency Questions with American Jennifer Cash leads to some utterly astonishing revelations. Listen in astonishment to a tale of blood, dry skin and The Brethren of the Independent Orthodox Trinitarian Restorationist Babtist Disestablishmentarian Church of the Latter-Day Saints and Sixth Day Advent of Christ the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit of America (Midwest Chapter).

Douglas may not be an expert on immigration law, but he is something much better than that: a podcast host, which in today's world makes him an authority on everything whose opinion must be taken seriously, second only to billionaires in terms of weight and importance of his opinions, no matter how tenuous their connection to reality is. Therefore, in this week's episode you will discover some surprising truth about how Australia's immigration system works, and some even more surprising truths about a particular politician (who is really a very nice man and not all all litigious and nothing in this episode is true and it's all a big joke and please don't sue us😓)

Happy Newt Year! That's not a typo, 2025 is the Year of the Newt in the special Earwash zodiac that i have just invented. As is traditional for the first episode of the year (if doing something for two years in a row is sufficient for something to become a tradition), this New Year and Newt Year episode is excerpts of eccentricity from Douglas's notebook. Listen to it now, and get your Newt Year off to a wrigglingly good start!

In the final Earwash of 2024 we check in with the regulars about how their New Year Resolutions for 2024 worked out. Who has achieved them? Who has failed to achieve them? Who didn't bother because he considers such petty matters as the Gregorian calendar beneath him? Listen and find out...

In this week's episode (not that weeks have any meaning any more; time is an illusion as far as Earwash release schedules are concerned), Douglas finds out the unpalatable truth behind the sudden appearance of many dead insects around his home. Is it anything to do with the adorable four-legged friend who sleeps on the end of his bed? Listen and find out, although the fact that that rhetorical question was posed at all implies that it is something to do with the cat. But please listen anyway.