Educated Messes: Mental Health, Relationships, Work, & Well-Being

Rachel Kaplan is a licensed psychotherapist and the creator and host of iTunes acclaimed New and Noteworthy podcast The Healing Feeling Sh*t Show. Rachel has spent the last 25+ years studying healing and teaching folks how to collectively reclaim their natural ability to feel their feelings and to develop emotional resilience. Rachel joins Educated Messes to share her personal story of loss that led her down this path, and to walk us through the different steps involved in moving our emotions.

Rachel shares the importance of creating safe containers to access and process our unresolved feelings. We talk about society’s blossoming acceptance of sadness versus its flat-out rejection of anger and healthy ways to approach and experience anger so that it doesn’t build up in our bodies. Doing the work of addressing and processing our feelings is no easy feat, but what’s the cost of continuing to turn away from ourselves? We think it’s too high.

Find Rachel’s work:

TikTok: @thefeelingsmovement

Website: http://healingfeelingshitshow.com/

Instagram: @healingfeelingshitshow

Core Wound Quiz

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Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

In part two of our authenticity series, we get real passionate as we explore tools to embrace vulnerability and live a more authentically aligned life. We share that we are done pursuing contentment and are instead moving into our ~big feelings era~. We talk about how choosing authenticity is an act of mini-revolution against the conforms of society and the patriarchy (such light and fun topics).

We remember that while channeling our truest selves might bug some folks, we don’t owe anyone previous versions of ourselves. Ultimately, we decide that given how we’re all just floating around in different realities, worrying about other people's perceptions of us is a waste of our precious time.

In part two of our authenticity series, we get real passionate as we explore tools to embrace vulnerability and live a more authentically aligned life. We share that we are done pursuing contentment and are instead moving into our ~big feelings era~. We talk about how choosing authenticity is an act of mini-revolution against the conforms of society and the patriarchy (such light and fun topics).

We remember that while channeling our truest selves might bug some folks, we don’t owe anyone previous versions of ourselves. Ultimately, we decide that given how we’re all just floating around in different realities, worrying about other people's perceptions of us is a waste of our precious time.

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Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

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Episode 21: Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves? (Self Compassion Pt. I)

Episode 22: How Do I Treat Myself Better (Self Compassion Pt. II)

Episode 01: Why Is It So Hard To Try New Things?

Podcast: “Embrace Your Authentic Self” - Reset with Liz Tran

Book: “Daring Greatly” - Brene Brown

Podcast: Radical Acceptance - Gateway to Love, Wisdom, and Peace - Tara Brach

Website: Courage, Vulnerability, & Shame Researcher Brené Brown

Definition: Authenticity - Psychology Today

Article: “The Study of Authenticity” - Elizabeth Hopper, PhD

Book: “Daring Greatly” - Brene Brown

Wikipedia: Self-Objectification

In part one of our authenticity series, we define what authenticity means to us (“striving to align our actions with our core values and beliefs with the hope of discovering, and then acting in sync with, our true selves.”) and discuss three big barriers that might be preventing us from being our most authentic selves.

We learn how complex of a topic authenticity really is and explore how difficult it can be act in alignment with our values in a society that repeatedly tells us not to love and listen to ourselves.

We share some of our personal experiences with authenticity, discuss the importance of being clear on our values and how mindfulness can help us behave more authentically.

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Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

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Episode 21: Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves? (Self Compassion Pt. I)

Episode 22: How Do I Treat Myself Better (Self Compassion Pt. II)

Episode 11: How Can I Tell If I'm A People Pleaser

Episode 01: Why Is It So Hard To Try New Things?

Podcast Episode: “Embrace Your Authentic Self” - Reset with Liz Tran

Courage, Vulnerability, & Shame Researcher Brené Brown

Podcast Episode: Radical Acceptance - Gateway to Love, Wisdom, and Peace -Tara Brach

Definition of Authenticity from Psychology Today

Authenticity studies discussed in this Healthy Psych article

In part two of our self compassion series, we learn from the queen of self compassion herself (Dr. Kristen Neff) how we might become more loving, caring, and nurturing towards ourselves as we navigate Big Things in life. 

We explore our personal experiences with self esteem, discuss how mindfulness and self compassion are both important parts of meeting difficult experiences with less resistance, and share some tools that can help us strengthen our individual self compassion practices.

Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

Episode 21: Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves? (Self Compassion Pt. I)

Workbook: “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook” Kristen Neff

Kristen Neff: Website

Video: School of Life - How To Simplify Your Life (Kyla mentions putting your inner baby down for a nap lol)

Worksheet Download: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Thought Recording (similar to one Kyla uses)

Problem-Solving Tool: The Five Whys

Tik Tok: “If It’s Coming Up, It’s Coming Up To Go”

Series: Maid

It’s the season of love, so what better time to learn how to treat ourselves a bit more lovingly? In part one of our Self-Compassion Series, we dig into the challenges we personally face in being compassionate towards ourselves. We discuss prompts from Dr. Kristen Neff’s self compassion workbook, examine our own patterns, and start to discuss areas where we could treat ourselves a bit more kindly. We open up about the struggle of wanting to evolve without rejecting who we are right now and noodle on how we might find balance between loving ourselves while also recognizing that there is always room to grow.

This isn’t our first attempt at recording an episode on this topic (the first one ended up being scrapped and replaced by our burnout episode…and then we disappeared for nine months…) but this time around we’re feeling renewed and a little bit more equipped to explore this very important topic.

TLDR; Self-compassion is hard, y’all.

Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

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Episode 01: Why is it so Hard to Try New Things?

Episode 17: When Does Positivity Become Toxic?

Workbook: “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook” Kristen Neff

Book: “Trick Mirror” by Jia Tolentino

Article: “Athleisure, barre and kale: the tyranny of the ideal woman” Jia Tolentino

Kristen Neff: Website

In our first episode back after our 9 month hiatus, we touch on why we left and how we’ve been sorting through what was a pretty intense and difficult time in both of our lives. We reflect on the past year including what we’re proud of, what we learned, and how we think we’ve changed.

We’re excited to be back and can’t wait to reconnect with the Educated Messes community. Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

Episode 14: New Year, Same Us (But Growing)

Episode 15: Why is it So Hard to Make New Friends

Episode 17: When Does Positivity Become Toxic?

Podcast: The Healing Feeling Shit Show

Podcast: Andrew Huberman - Armchair Expert

Youtube Course: Therapy in a Nutshell

Article: “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing” by Adam Grant

Book: “24/6 The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week” by Tiffany Shlain

Movie: Inside Out

Dialectic Behavior Therapy: Learn More

Podcast: Andrew Huberman - Armchair Expert

Courage, Neurobiology and EMDR Therapy

In this episode, we talk about burnout — a big, scary topic that’s been very front of mind for us lately. It feels like we’ve hit a collective wall, and we thought better understanding burnout might help us start to move past it. We get clear on what burnout looks like, how it shows up, and how to identify when we’re feeling it. We talk about the different types of burnout; pandemic-related, professional, or personal and cover some mechanisms to deal with them.

We get real honest (and heated) about advocating for ourselves at work in a capitalist system that hinges our worth on our output. We talk about tools to avoid burnout and discuss the issues facing millennials (aka: the generational obsession with optimizing ourselves). Finally, we talk about how self-care has been co-opted into an industry that pressures us to constantly look to improve ourselves. Essentially, you’ll be listening in on an honest conversation about a difficult period in our lives.

Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

Ep 09: How Do We Become More Resilient?

Burnout Book By Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

Millennial Burnout - Buzzfeed

Smartphone Study - UTexas

In this episode, we talk to our very first guest— Tight Club founder Keighty Gallagher— about her work, her life, and the story of Tight Club. Keighty was a lifelong athlete, but when her relationship with movement turned toxic it fuelled a passion to help rewrite the language of fitness in a way that centred joy and positivity. Keighty built a business based on community and has remained true to her values and vision through all the different forms Tight Club has taken throughout the years.

We talk to Keighty about leading with vulnerability and humility, and ask her how we can do big things (even without having all of the answers). We learn about the Karate Kid mentality of dealing with ~feedback~ and discuss how we can lean into curiosity and kindness — both with ourselves and with others. We dig into the idea of community, including how it feels to be part of one and why it’s important (otherwise we’re just ants running around without pants). KG champions inclusivity and living boldly, and has worked incredibly hard to redefine the fitness industry in a way that feel safe for all. We hope you’re as inspired as we were by this conversation!

If you want to try out TCTV (Tight Club’s movement platform), you can use the code TIGHTMESS to receive 15% off your first month on the platform after your free 7-day trial.

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Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

Find Keighty and Tight Club on Instagram @keightythousand + @tightclub

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Ep 06: Do Our Emotions Affect Our Health?

Ep 17: When Does Positivity Become Toxic?

Book: Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

Brené Brown

Non-violent Communication Book

What is tapping? More Info Here

Humble Leadership - Forbes Article

In this episode we explore the concept of toxic positivity and to be honest... it rocks our world. We take a test to see if we are toxically positive, spoiler: we do real bad. We share a TED Talk that helped us understand how we can be there for the people we love without dismissing their feelings. Kelsey opens up about a recent tough experience and how those around her responded, and Kyla shares how ignoring her feelings for too long resulted in an ulcer.

We get uncomfy this episode learning new things and discovering areas where we fall short. We learn that emotions are data we can use to uncover our values, and that ignoring them will only make them louder. We cover the importance of leaning into the messiness of life so that we can experience the good stuff at full volume. A key moment: discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life — oh yeah, let that sink in. To summarize, we learn that having good vibes only isn’t really good after all.

Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

• Ep 09: How Do We Become More Resilient

• Toxic Positivity Test

• What is the Vagus Nerve

In this episode we explore a potentially touchy topic — feeling like our lives have been at a standstill over the past year. We cover how to check in with yourself to decide if your current vibes are no longer serving you and offer ways to break out of Pandemic Limbo Land. 

We check in with the Educated Messes community to find out how we’ve all been feeling lately, reflect on the best things we’ve done for our mental health, and contemplate if it’s important to move forward in our lives and if so.. how do we do it? Kyla’s back in therapy, Kelsey feels weird about peloton, and we both have been turning to hobbies that force us to be present. We discuss findings from a study on happiness, noodle on building habits to combat perfectionism, and decide that starting now we want to give ourselves permission to create, share, explore, and have fun. 

Follow us on instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes!

• Ep 09: How Do We Become More Resilient

• We’re Not Really Strangers Game