In this episode we explore a hot topic: friendship in your mid-to-late 20s. We cover making them, keeping them, losing them, and how they might change and grow with time. We share our 13 year friendship origin story, consider how hard it is to move from “friendship dating” to “friendship official”, and discuss friendship-related thoughts and feelings shared by the Educated Messes community. 

We contemplate whether we’re happy with the number of friends we have, if we think it’s easy or hard to make new friends, and reflect on how our friendship has changed over the past decade. We consider how important communication and boundaries are in friendship and Kyla drops a hot tip on how you can better express your feelings. We learn why it’s important to our happiness that we talk to strangers and decide we should normalize sliding into peoples’ dm’s to be friends because at the end of the day, life’s short — tell people you think they’re cute.

Non Violent Communication - Find the Book Here

The Feelings Wheel - Find it Here

Daring Greatly - Brené Brown

Tight Club

The Happiness Lab - Find it Here

Esther Perel

(Educated Messes is not sponsored or affiliated with any of these companies/ products)

“Talking to strangers can boost your happiness level” - CBC Article Here

“Want To Feel Happier Today? Try Talking To A Stranger” - NPR Article Here

In this episode we get super vulnerable and a little in our feelings as we reflect on 2020 (aka: these trying times). We talk about memories we want to remember from the past year, what we want to let go of, and what we want more of in 2021. We consider the lessons that this year taught us — slow down, focus on connection, and try to trust (and maybe occasionally find joy in) the process.

Kyla learned life lessons in pottery, Kelsey cleansed her feed of “rise and grind” people, and Kyla decided her new mantra is “good enough is good enough”. We both drop a bunch of quotes (as always), talk about how we’re going to better care for ourselves and our communities this year, and touch on the importance of therapies as well as a few methods to access it. To summarize — 2020 was “okay” and we’re going to try to enjoy the journey in 2021 (whatever that may be).

In this episode we discuss dealing with stress and emotional exhaustion during 2020. We weigh in on the importance of emotional regulation —  which is the ability to align how you’re feeling with how you want to feel — and note that icky feelings are our brain’s natural alarm system. We explore tools and techniques for how we might better process and learn from our emotions, rather than suppressing or ruminating on them.

Kelsey plugs some hot customer service tips, Kyla plugs mindfulness (obviously), and Kelsey claims drinking 7 cups of coffee a day makes you live longer (spoiler alert: not true). We both share what stress and anxiety physically feel like in our bodies, how we check in with our needs, and how we’ve been coping with all the Big Feelings this year. Kelsey teaches us how psychological and temporal distancing can help us think more logically and Kyla decides that a lot of life is about suffering. Also, Kelsey hates baths.

In this episode we discuss if committing to something for a long time — whether it’s a relationship or a job — makes us nervous. We dip our toes into Attachment Theory, share our attachment styles, and touch on the anxious-avoidant trap. We contemplate if you need to know yourself before you can love someone else and reflect on how it can be easy to lose yourself in a relationship.

Kelsey has beef with the idea that you should be with someone who challenges you and says she would “walk into the ocean” if someone told her she should work harder. We both share what our current relationships have taught us, ponder if being in a relationship means you have to give up your freedom and explore the difference between interdependence and codependence. We weigh the value in shattering glass ceilings vs. settling down and decide that you don’t actually have to want one thing forever because ultimately, it’s up to you.

In this episode, we attempt to figure out just how severe our people-pleasing habits really are. We talk through the common behaviours of people-pleasers, including apologizing too often and feeling uncomfortable when people are mad at us. We consider how these habits show up in our work and personal lives and share which areas we believe we have room to grow in. 

In this episode, we let out some more messy thoughts around how we’re still looking for joy amidst these uncertain times. We discuss what practices have been anchoring us lately and bravely admit that we don’t really like carving pumpkins. We answer questions submitted by the Educated Messes community, including book recommendations, the “why” behind Educated Messes, and the hardest things we’ve had to overcome this past year.

Kelsey reflects on her hospitalization, Kyla tells the story of how she took stress leave from work, and we both contemplate how much of life is just luck and timing. We learn the (actual) definition of neural plasticity and Kyla discovers (much to her dismay and/or excitement) that pretty much everything rewires your brain. We cover some helpful journal prompts and explore how expressive journaling can help you sort through your thoughts by decreasing activity in the emotional centre of your brain. We talk about building habits and how going through hard things teaches you about yourself. We also discover how we’re really bad at giving simple answers to questions.

In this episode we discuss resilience (and how 2020 is making it real tricky to feel resilient). We define what resilience is and what it isn’t, and learn that there’s much more to being resilient than just “bouncing back”. We explore how to foster resilience in yourself, and give an example of how you might use resilience in practice through acceptance and/or reframing situations. We also touch on the fore core components of resilience — connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning.

Kyla talks about how suppressing her emotions for too long lead to a full on physical and mental breakdown and how important sleep is to her sanity. Kelsey talks about how isolating herself prolonged a difficult healing process, and emphasizes the importance of community and (of course) movement. We clarify that you don’t *always* have to be resilient and that being resilient doesn’t mean you will *never* face hardship, but rather how it’s a tool you can choose to employ when you come up against difficult times.

In this episode, we discuss the shitshow that is figuring out what to do with your life. We define purpose and passion and talk about how to find yours, and clarify that you’re absolutely allowed to change your mind about what you want. We reflect on how scary it feels to change our minds, but how living in line with our passions can bring new energy to life. Kyla recounts her journey to turn creativity into a career, and Kelsey shares her experience of exiting the banking industry to slang essential oils and build a tight community.

We talk about the sunk cost fallacy, the Birkman assessment, what Ikigai is, and why you feel more excited thinking about snacks than actually eating them. Shania Twain shares words of wisdom, Kelsey screws up more idioms, and we talk about how trying things and failing badly is what teaches us who we are. Also, we decide that "do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life" saying is BS.

In this episode we talk about “shoulds” — the voices in our heads that tell us what we should be doing, caring about, or working towards — and how they can get in the way of our happiness. We discuss how they originate from a variety of places, from society and religion to family and peers, and how they show up in the decisions we make in our day-to-day lives. We discuss how to approach these thoughts in a more balanced way and explore some tools to uncover, reframe, and dismantle our shoulds so we can own what we really want in life.

Kyla sabotages Kelsey by letting her record through her headphones for the first 30 minutes*. We get heated talking about our thoughts on marriage, children, and success and find out Elle Woods was our mutual blueprint. Stick around to hear Kelsey aerates her wine. Loudly.

*(Kyla would like the record to show that the motive behind this is unconfirmed. No further comments at this time).

In this episode, we dig into the importance of the mind-body (or brain-body) connection. We explore how emotions can show up via psychosomatic symptoms in your physical body and share some of our personal experiences with this type of connection. Kelsey talks about how grief after a difficult breakup showed up in her body as flu-like symptoms and Kyla shares how long periods of high stress turned into a struggle with chronic pain.

We learn that the inability to express one’s feeling might contribute to chronic illnesses, discuss the impacts of high levels of cortisol in the body, touch on what central sensitization means, and discover that Tylenol might help you feel less sad (except don’t just go using Tylenol to regulate your emotions. we’re not doctors). Finally, we chat about how focusing on our physical health has helped us heal both internally and externally, and cover some tools and therapies that can help us take our power back.

Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.