Boundaries keep us safe. They differentiate us from each other. They help us focus on what’s most important to us and they improve relationships by creating clear expectations, and responsibilities. However, it can be hard to figure out what boundaries you need to set.

One way to identify your boundaries, is to think about the areas of your life where you’re experiencing problems. Do you constantly feel exhausted? Do you feel uncomfortable around certain people? Do you get upset when your loved ones try to run your life? Each of these issues means you lack boundaries, in these areas of your life. Here are seven common types of boundaries, that we all should have. Knowing what they are can help us be clear on what we need and help set specific boundaries.

1). Physical Boundaries- Physical boundaries protect your space. They give you the right to not be touched, to have privacy, and to meet any physical needs you may have. They let others know how close they can get to you, what kind of physical touch (if any) is okay, how much privacy you need, and how to act in your personal space. Physical boundaries clearly define at your body and personal space belong to you.

2). Sexual Boundaries- Sexual boundaries protect your right to consent, to having sex. Sexual boundaries allow you to decide what kind of sexual touch and intimacy you want, how often, when, where, and with whom who you want it with.

3). Emotional & Mental Boundaries- Emotional & mental boundaries protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts. They protect you from not having your feelings criticized or invalidated. They also protect you from taking on other people’s feelings, as your own. Emotional boundaries also allow us to create emotional safety by respecting each other’s feelings, not oversharing personal information that may be inappropriate for the level of closeness the relationship offers.

4). Spiritual or Religious Boundaries- Spiritual boundaries protect your right to believe in who and/or what you want to believe in. It allows you to worship as you wish (in person or online), and practice the spiritual or religious beliefs, that work for you. Example: Praying before you eat or going to church on Sunday and not Saturday, etc.

5). Financial and Material Boundaries- Financial and material boundaries protect your financial resources and possessions, your right to spend your money as you see fit on whatever you want, to not give and/or loan your money or your things if you don’t want to.

6). Time Boundaries- Time boundaries protect how you spend your time. They protect you from agreeing to do things you that you don’t want to do. It also allows you to not have people waste your time.

7). Non-Negotiable Boundaries- Non-negotiable boundaries are deal-breakers, these are things you can’t, don’t, and won’t negotiate on. Examples: Cheating in a relationship, smoking in your car or home, etc. We all need some non-negotiable boundaries, because if not people will take advantage of you and your kindness. You must make sure you stick to your non-negotiables, because if you don’t people won’t take you seriously. Once you start making allowances for some, everybody will expect the same thing.

Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week.

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Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

A father once said to his daughter:

"Congratulations on your graduation. I bought you a car a while back, and I want you to have it now. Before I give it to you, take it to a car dealer in the city and see how much they will give you for it.”

The girl came back to her father and said: "They offered me $10,000 dollars, because it looks old.”

The Father said: "Ok, now take it to the pawn shop and see how much they will give you for it". The girl went to the pawn shop, returns to her father, and says: "The pawn shop offered $1,000 dollars because it's an old car, and it needs a lot of work done to it".

The father told her to join a car club, with car experts and show them the car. She found a car club and joined it. After leaving the club, she returned to her father a few hours later and said, “Some people in the club offered me $100,000 dollars, because it’s a rare car that's in good condition.”

The father smiled at her and said, "I wanted you to understand, you aren’t worth anything if you aren’t in the right place. If you aren’t appreciated, don’t be angry; that just means you are in the wrong place.” Don't stay in a place where no one sees your value. Know your worth and know where you are valued. A diamond doesn't shine on the bottom of a cave.” – Unknown

Here are some ways that you can get better at knowing your worth:

1. Begin with an intentional appraisal of your value. It has been suggested that you regularly make time to reflect on your achievements and recognize your contributions and efforts. Keep an ongoing journal and write down any major contributions that you can look back on when you need a reminder of how valuable you are.

2. Explore your strengths and opportunities for growth. Be curious about your impact on others and ask for feedback from those you respect. Most importantly, be courageous and align your work to your values, as this approach will support a more meaningful experience of your working life.

3. Consider the motivations behind your behavior. For example, ask yourself: Am I taking on this assignment because it aligns with my advancement goals, or because I’m looking for reassurance from my boss?

Am I saying yes to going out with friends because I genuinely want to, or because I don't want to disappoint them?

People need to take time to identify what they like and don’t like and make decisions based on their personal preferences and not on outside influences.

4. Practice speaking positively about yourself. Reflect on the meaning and value of your contributions, and actively build a narrative that reflects your worth.

*Always be your own biggest advocate.

5. Ask for what you think you deserve, even if you’re afraid.

If you think for even just a second that you’re worthy of a raise or a promotion, stick with that thought. Something inside you is saying that you’re worth it, and you’ll never know the answer unless you ask.

6. Surround yourself with positivity. Create a vision board and place it where you spend the most time. This will allow you to surround yourself with positive, motivational quotes, images, and goals for your future. Make sure you limit the time you spend with toxic friends, and anyone else who doesn’t lift you up.

7. Carve out time for self-care.

Consider what you need daily to feel your best physically and mentally. If you’re not taking care of your health, you can’t reach your full potential.

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Are there valid reasons why you can’t get things done? Absolutely! In fact, many times, external forces are working against you such as the weather, other people’s attitudes, a car that won’t start, or world events.

There are also, times when it turns out that we our own biggest issue. This is also known as self-sabotage, and it can be hard when it comes to our productivity and our wellbeing. The good news is you can get out of your way and live a much better life.

Here are some things you may want to try:

1). Just do it. “First steps are always the hardest, but until they are taken, the notion of progress remains only a notion and not an achievement.” — Aberjhani

2. Remember your why. When you get to a place where you want to give up on yourself, always remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. Every now and then you have to reconnect with your purpose. If you find that you can’t connect the dots between the activity and the big picture, then stop doing it.

3. Confront any negative self-talk. Whenever you start doubting yourself, you are tempted to brush it off or shut down completely. That may work for a while, but eventually you will have to deal with that negative voice. The one that’s telling you that you aren’t good enough, you are going to fail, or you are a loser.

4. Acknowledge your strengths. Instead of focusing on the things you lack, spend more time focusing on the areas of your life that you are strong in. Again, this is where your journal comes into play.

5. Nothing Can Compare To You But You. There have been times when you have worked your butt off and didn’t get the recognition your colleague got. But, as Mark Twain once said, “Comparison is the death of joy.” When you compare yourself to others, it leads to low self-confidence and depression. It can also make you green with envy, deplete your motivation, and it won’t get you closer to your goals.

6. Make Sure You Run With The Right Crowd. We all have heard the saying, “You are the company you keep.” The people you choose to hang around with daily, are also your influencers. Whether you know it or not, they influence who you are and what you do. This is why it’s important for all of us to keep company with people who will both encourage you and hold you accountable, for the things you do or don’t do.

7. Don’t Give Yourself A Pass (Stop Making Excuses). It’s okay to forgive yourself for your mess ups, but you still must hold yourself accountable. Instead of making excuses, focus on what you can control so that you can make the right adjustments.

8. Remove Unnecessary Pressure. Life is hectic enough, so why make things worse by overcommitting or setting unrealistic expectations? Always be realistic about what you can accomplish. If you don’t have the availability or skillset, say that. If your calendar is already full, stop taking on new things; it’s alright to tell people no, you can’t do it.

9. Remove “Can’t” From Your Vocabulary. Removing this small, but powerful word from your vocabulary, is the perfect start to shifting your mindset. Stop saying you can’t do something and start saying you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Now don’t just say it, I need you to also believe it.

10. Stop Bringing Up The Past. When you keep repeating old thoughts, you block your mind from moving forward. As you know getting stuck in the past, will ensure you either repeat it or you stay where you are.

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Here’s how to make getting through hard times less difficult:

1. Stay Positive. “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way you cope is what makes the difference.” – Virginia Satir When you stay positive, you’re putting yourself in the best position possible to not only make it through those bad times, but also to become a better person in the process. When life takes a turn for the worst, you can do one of two things: You can remain positive and remind yourself that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you’ll make it through, or you can curl up in the fetal position and become a victim of circumstance. Now I’m not saying you will never have a bad day, or you won’t get a little discouraged, or shed a tear (or two). But I am saying you have to eventually pick up the pieces and start and/or keep moving forward.

2. Learn From the Difficult Times. “Facing difficulties is inevitable, learning from them is optional.” – John Maxwell Learn from what has happened, so you don’t make the same mistake twice. It’s easier getting through a difficult time when you know the chances of it happening again are slim to none.

3. Know What You’re Grateful For. Gratitude means showing appreciation for all the good in your life, instead of focusing on the negative. Get clear about what it is that you’re grateful for. Write out everything in your life you can think of that you’re grateful for having and/or experiencing. The difficult time you’re going through will start to seem less significant when it’s compared to everything that’s going right in your life.

4. Focus on What You Can Control, Not What You Can’t. Some situations are beyond your control and no matter what you do, you can’t change them. You’re setting yourself up for frustration when you focus your time and energy on things you can’t control. You’re also making the situation seem even worse than it actually is, because you’re focusing on the negatives. Instead focus on the things that are within your control because that’s the only way you can make a change that’s actually going to help you. Make a list of the things you can change and put all your focus on those things. Anything that’s not on the list, doesn’t get your attention.

5. Build Up Your Community. Having the right people around you is one of the most important things you can do for yourself when times get tough. You need loving people because a little love always makes the bad days seem a little brighter. You need caring people, because it helps to have someone who cares about your well-being as much as you do. You need honest people, who will look you in the eye and tell you truth. Their honesty may be that one piece of information, you need to get through the tough time. You need people that are available, for when you need to pick up the phone looking for some compassion and/or honesty.

6. Be Kind To Yourself. In order to survive tough times, you have to take care of yourself. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something that gets your mind and body engaged at a higher level than wallowing in self-pity.

7. Forgive. If someone else is at fault for the bad situation you find yourself in, the natural response is to harbor anger and/or resentment towards that person. What if you forgave that person? What if you accepted what happened, and you no longer held it against them? I’ll tell you what would happen, you would feel better, because now instead of focusing on the negative feelings you have toward that person, you can focus on moving forward. Or maybe the difficult time you’re going through is a direct result of something that you did. If you don’t or can’t forgive yourself, then you get caught up in a web of self-hatred and this definitely won’t help at all.

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The only person who travels with you through your entire life (outside of God) is you. It’s you (and God) from the cradle to the grave. Therefore, it’s important that you take time to really get to know who you are.

The three most important reasons for self-knowledge:

1). Self-love. If you know yourself the good, the bad, and the ugly, you can start to accept who you are exactly as you are. It may be a challenge to accept some aspects of our lives that we don’t perceive as positive, but we must accept them as we begin to make changes. You can deny the parts of your life you don’t like all you want to, but they won’t go away. In other words, love who you are until you get where you want to be.

2). Independence. Self-knowledge makes you independent of the opinions of other people. If you know what works for you, what is good for you and, what isn’t – it’s irrelevant what others might think of you. You are the expert of your own being. You oversee your thoughts, and you are your own personality. Independence and self-awareness are also linked to confidence. By knowing who you are and what you stand for in life, it can help to give you a strong sense of self-confidence.

3). Clear Decision Making. As we know, with knowledge comes insight and confidence and this can make the decision-making process much easier. There isn’t a lot of space for doubt once you have gained that full insight. We all speak two languages: the language of the heart and that of the head. If they are aligned, it’s easy to make decisions. But if they aren’t, your mood will decide what’s right or wrong.

Example: You are going on a date and the person you’re going out with, looks good, smells good and has all the qualities you are looking for in a man or woman. However, there is something about the person that doesn’t quite sit well with you. You aren’t sure what it is, but it doesn’t feel right. Something is telling you that he or she is either married or seeing someone else, but you have no real proof. Having two different dialogues makes it impossible to be clear. Today your head is ruling, and you want to see that person, but tomorrow your heart may be telling you not to go on that date. Now you must align your head and heart so that you get clarity, in order to support easy decision making.

Quote: It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong. - Thomas Sowell

Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week.

Contact Me:

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Have you ever asked yourself why is it that we have a hard time letting go of people that have made it clear, they don’t want us? I think it has to do with the fact that we didn’t make the decision to leave them first. Let’s unpack this a little bit:

1. Remember It’s Not About You. When people choose to walk out of your life, it’s a choice they are making for some reason or other. They are looking out for their wellbeing and their happiness. When this happens, let them go, don’t ever try to hold onto someone that doesn’t want to be held onto. For what? Why do you want them to be unhappy? Why do you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you? Peoples wants, desires, needs, and likes will change over time, and you must except that.

2. Some Relationships Are Toxic And Should Never Have Been. While you may love that person and they may love you, it’s mentally draining to one or both people and you don’t want to let go, because you are afraid of what people are going to say or think. Stop trying to keep toxic people around hoping they will change because chances are they won’t.

3. Change Happened. Change happens and it’s not always for the better. Either you changed or they changed, but

either way a change happened, and neither of you are the person you were when you first met.

4. Their Season Has Ended. Everybody comes into our life for a season or a reason. You mess up when you try to keep people in your life past their time. Seasonal people were never meant to be in your life for a lifetime and when you try to keep them longer, you end up making a mess of things. Remember that song from the movie Coolie High (It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday and I’ll take with me, the memories to be my sunshine after the rain).

5. There Is No More Trust. Once trust is broken, there is nothing else left to hold onto and chances are, either you are going to leave them, or they are going to leave you. People will often leave if you, if one has broken the others trust too many times and they are tired of forgiving you. This is why it’s so important to learn from your mistakes and then move on.

Let me leave you with this quote:

 

“There comes a point in your life when you realize: Who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So, don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.” ― Adam Lindsay Gordon

Go out there and be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week.

 

Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

We are responsible for the choices we make, so when our lives fall apart, we have to take responsibility for the part we play and not push the blame off on other people.

You took the wrong turn, you gave the wrong person your love, you put up with foolishness, you didn’t know when to say no, you turned down that opportunity, you cheated, you gave up on yourself. The list can go on and on, but you get where I am going. Here is how you can take responsibility for your life:

1. Stop The Blame Game. When you blame other people and other things, all you are doing is making yourself out to be the victim. Doing this makes it harder for you to change. Why because it’s always someone else’s fault and never yours; so why should you change? Example: When your ex breaks your heart, ask yourself what role did you play in the downfall? You saw all of the signs and yet you chose to ignore them, and you stayed.

2. Stop Complaining And Do Something About It. This goes without saying, if you aren’t going to fix the problem, then don’t complain about it. You should stop complaining because that issue you are dealing with, may be a blessing in disguise. Think of it as a blessing you didn’t know you needed.

3. Stop Waiting For Someone Else To Make You Happy. Your happiness is nobody else’s responsibility but yours. Waiting on someone to make you happy, may take a lifetime and even then, it’s not guaranteed.

4. Live In The Right Now. You can’t change the past and present isn’t promised to you, so focus only on what you can control right now. We all can learn from our past, so it’s ok to glance over your shoulder to see where you’ve come from or what you’ve been through, but don’t stay there too long. You are the gate keeper of your thoughts, yesterday, today, and always.

Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week.

Contact Me:

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

In order to create the life you’ve always dreamed of, you have to start by creating a vision of who you want to become. Here are some things you may want to do:

1. Picture What You Want Your Future To Look Like. Everybody that has achieved greatness started with a vision (Colonial Sanders, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey. Ilyana Vanzant, Lisa Nichols, & Angel Richardson to name a few). You must put pen to paper and write down what you see in your mind. Write out everything from beginning to end and then come up with a plan. As you write out your vision, be as specific as possible. Write out the colors you see, the people you see, and the location. How do you feel with all of this going on?

2. Focus On Where You Are Going. What you focus on, becomes your reality. This is why you need to focus on where you are going, and not where you don’t want to go. Most importantly, you must always walk by faith and not by sight no matter what happens or what anybody says. BONUS: Step Out On Faith!

3. No Matter What Happens Don’t Give Up. Hard times will always come; no matter who you are, where you come from, or how much money you have. The most import thing you must remember is that giving up is never an option. You will never make it to the finish line if you keep giving up.

I need you to start living your life as if you have already received the things you want. Now that doesn’t me to go crazy spending money you don’t have, but it does mean to start living the life you are working towards in your mind. Tell yourself you are the success you’ve been dreaming of, and the best is yet to come.

Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week.

Contact Me:

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Welcome back to another Elevator Talk With Michelle. For the time that is ours to share, I want to talk about: Down But Not Out.

2 Corinthians 4:7-11 (New King James Version)- Cast Down but Unconquered

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

When life knocks you down, you can either choose to bounce back fast or drown in your emotions and give up. If you struggle with coping with life’s blows, you’re not alone. We all encounter challenging times in their lives. I think we can all agree that you never know what life will throw at you. Life is one big rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, ins and outs.

There will be times when you feel like you’re on top of the world, while other times, you may feel like you’re at rock bottom. Most of us will sway on both ends of the continuum at some point in our lives. Playing with the unknown makes the journey through life equally exciting and terrifying.

When bad things happen, it’s natural to feel down. You may even fall into the trap of assuming that things will never get better. Unfortunately, this mindset is the very thing that keeps so many people stuck in the drowning victim mode.

This wild ride that we call life is an endless string of highs and lows, successes and failures, setbacks, and comebacks. Therefore, it is so important that you develop your resilience muscle.

1. Hold Yourself Accountable. It’s easier to blame other people for your downfalls (very few times it really is someone else’s fault). Once you start to hold yourself accountable for the role you play(ed) in your downfall, then you can begin your healing process; always admit the part you played.

2. Change Your Focus. Stop looking at what is now behind you and what happened to you (other than to learn something new). Focus on what is still to come; you can’t fix what happened, but you can learn from it and alter your future a bit. When you accept this, everything will change. Always remember what you focus on, is what you will gravitate towards. By changing your focus, looking forward to getting back in the game, and focusing on the next steps in life; you will instantly see your breakthrough.

So, when you start to feel knocked down ask yourself, what is your focus right now? Check to see if you are focusing on want you don’t want or what you want. Are you seeing the opportunities or only the obstacles? The answers to these questions will help you get clarity, create awareness, and elevate you to where you need to be.

3. Change How You Speak To Yourself. Take a minute or two and listen to your inner voice and decide if you need to change the dialogue. If you aren’t careful, you will be the one that’s dragging you down. Setbacks are going to come, but how you deal with them will make all the difference. You can choose to beat yourself up over your setback, or you can learn from it/them and grow.

Just like where we choose to place our focus, the language we use is also something we have full control over if we take a moment to connect with the right power. Simply put, we are nothing but the stories we tell ourselves on a regular basis. What story are you telling yourself?

Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, loved, and supported! As you do that, go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed, have an amazing day on purpose, and we will talk again next week.

Contact Me: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle

Welcome back to another Elevator Talk With Michelle Podcast. For the time that is ours to share, I want to talk about: The Glass Of Water | An Inspirational Story.

Once upon a time a psychology professor walked around on a stage while teaching stress management principles to an auditorium filled with students. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the typical “glass half empty or glass half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, the professor asked, “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?”

Students shouted out answers ranging from eight ounces to a couple pounds.

She replied, “From my perspective, the absolute weight of this glass doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light. If I hold it for an hour straight, it’s weight might make my arm ache a little. If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed, forcing me to drop the glass to the floor. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.”

As the class shook their heads in agreement, she continued, “Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and you begin to ache a little. Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed; incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.”

The Moral: It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses and worries. No matter what happens during the day, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the night and into the next day with you. If you still feel the weight of yesterday’s stress, it’s a strong sign that it’s time to put the glass down.

Take Away: The longer you hold on the heavier it gets.

Go out there and be great, because great is calling you and great is calling me. Be blessed and have an amazing day on purpose.

Contact Me:

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachchelle