It’s a big big week. No phoning it in this time. No no, as this is the most politically significant balanced podcast in the UK.

Finally, the call of the nation has been answered. John Robins has been in the corridors of power. If you notice general efficiency being raised by 0.12% in UK PLC this week then you have one man to thank - external factors notwithstanding.

He brought up the economy. He brought up the welfare state. He brought up international affairs. And Elis was there. And John did all of this whilst having a prawn tempura in his pocket.

It’s a visit to the PM one minute, the next it’s the most expensive Chinese John has ever had surrounded by horrible people. The duality of life.

And yet somehow despite all these matters of import we get to Geese chat within the first 2 minutes.

Want to join John’s cabinet? [email protected] and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp are where you can send your applications.

Elis and John are joined by the UK’s ‘most confusing prospect’, aka Tom Rosenthal, to talk affairs, internet fads and conspiracy theories. We also learn what their respective approaches to golf can teach us about John (The James Milner of golf) and Tom (The Diego Maradona of golf).

Elsewhere there are revelations and tears in the Cymru Connection, and a Made Up Game that tests just how much Elis and John know each other. Oh, and Elis is in a pantomime.

If this show were a steam ship chugging through the oceans of chat, then your emails would be the steam powering us on. So send us your steam on [email protected] or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

Are Elis and John’s stars in the ascendant? Are we on the edge of James and Robins becoming household names? Can you imagine John staring down the camera and gleefully shouting ‘Keep Dancing’?

These questions and more are explored as Elis and John put forward their cases to be the next presenters of the BBC’s flagship entertainment show, Strictly Come Dancing.

Elsewhere it’s pure Zeitgeist chat (or should we say Zeitgeest thanks to John’s recent music obsession), including: train etiquette, the previous nine Prime Ministers as foods, and what the hell does 6 7 mean?

Do you want to back project Elis and John on Strictly? Do you want to share your thoughts on modern-day train etiquette? In short, do you want to contribute to the Zeitgeist? Then get in touch via [email protected] or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

After a frantic morning of plucking and preening, Elis and John are confronted with the beautiful sight of Greg James. Eyelashes are fluttered, beauty tips are garnered, and in a wonderful showing of modern masculinity, four men chat about their hair care routines. And before he can go, Greg’s radio credentials are put to the test in a classic Made Up Game from the vault.

Swooning fanfares aside, John introduces Elis to the world of slam poetry and a potential new hobby, and the Cymru Connector-in-Chief tries to connect with a caller from Carmarthen.

If you have something of value to contribute send it to [email protected], or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

Strap in folks, it’s time for some more Wordle chat! You thought we were done with it? No sir, we, well John, has only just got started. But luckily this is X-rated Wordle chat. Sexy content which really spices up the barrel-scraping etymological discussions.

In other happenings, can you explain the Richter scale to a child when at the football? There’s also a week of many wins and losses involving sobriety, aniseed and free coats. Plus, a listener nails this show like no one has before: self-hatred, mouse catching and brand avoidance.

Can you contribute to that powerful triumvirate of topics? Well get it over to [email protected] or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

And remember, for you BBC Sounds consumers, there’s brand new Bureau available on Saturday morning.

Today we celebrate one of Wales’s finest exports; the Cymru Connector himself, Mr ‘Where-Did-You-Go-To-School’, the one and only Elis James! Yes it’s Elis’s birthday, and he kicks off the show by doing what all 45 year olds do: rapping.

After receiving a gift from John that is so thoughtful it almost derails the recording, Elis takes part in an eventful birthday Cymru Connection. Tempers flare, passions erupt, and objects go flying.

Then it’s time to meet one of his sporting heroes. Will Elis be able to stay cool when faced with one of the great pillars of Welsh sport? And crucially, will he be able to Cymru Connect with them?

If you want to celebrate Carmarthen’s greatest export since the invention of the ball bearing in 1794, then write to [email protected] or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

It’s the annual spooky episode and that means it’s as spooky as any other podcast episode we ever release.

In a nice chatty ep shooting the breeze Elis and John uncover the layers of a man who continues to fascinate them: Bell Tower Crispin. But is Dave flouting BBC balance regulations in order to get more great Halloween activities and free car charging?

Meanwhile in mouse towers Elis is being inundated with rodents from his super intelligent cats and is John to be put in place regarding his statistical skepticism?

Do you have any statistics dissertations to send in? Well [email protected] and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp are the destinations for it.

What’s it like to share a bank account with John Robins? Austerity Robins: a notification to his device every single time you make a purchase, no matter how small. Well we find out because nothing can get past him, with, in his own words “notifications echoing through his empty life.”

Extraordinary scenes today as Dave got chatted up on the way in to the studio. Was it a student prank? Elis’s experiences suggest otherwise...

Elsewhere there’s a backwards all-timer of a Made Up Game and John decides to pull apart a listener email which relies on more assumptions than economic growth models.

For Shames, Games and everything in between it’s [email protected] and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

The UK’s motorways are now one tour bus quieter. Which perversely probably makes the roads noisier given John’s silent approach whilst inhabiting the Sad Van.

And what celebrations happened at the post-tour party at The Palladium? Debauchery and several kilos of Producer Dave's favourite over the counter pharmaceuticals? Not quite. Rather it was a media bigwig zone and John now has regrets about talking extensively about red tape to a BBC higher up. It was that sort of vibe.

So we are now firmly back on terra firma. And what better way to turn our attention back to the studio than Adrian's gadgets and a Mad Dad constructing some of the finest anti-burglary technology ever conceived.

Has your father ever made an unwise drill-centric decision? Well get it over to [email protected] and 07974 293 022 on the WhatsApp.

Confidence is the word of the day, with differing meanings for both of our heroes. Does John have enough of the stuff to go through with his edgy scripted intro? Is Elis sufficiently supplied to make his 5th Cymru Connection in a row? It’s all to play for, and play we must.

The other word on everyone’s lips is farewell, as the boys bid adieu to the Sad Van. She’s taken out for one last outing as Elis and John’s Road to Nowhere finally reaches its destination. It’s also a goodbye to the oft-mentioned and celebrated Tour Manager Giles, who receives his flowers and answers your questions.

There’s also a rollercoaster of a Made Up Game in which the very visual medium of drawing is brought to life in the very aural medium of podcasting.

Think you’re confident enough to send us an email? Well you can, just send it to [email protected], or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.