Embracing Intensity

I didn't promote last week's episode very much because I got super deep into the rabbit hole on a new project that really. Kind of pulls together a lot of the little projects that I've been doing in this past year.

It's called 2E Connection, and it's a directory for twice exceptional folks to share, explore and find support!

In this episode:

• What inspired me to create 2E Connection
• A sneak peak at some of the content so far
• How you can support keeping this free site accessible AND sustainable

Links:

2E Connection

Embracing Intensity Community

Harnessing the Power of Your Intensity Workbook

My guest today was diagnosed with ADHD and twice-exceptionality later in life. We have connected through TikTok and are learning a lot from each other. He demonstrates kind accountability in his TikTok posts and shows authenticity in his longer YouTube posts that I greatly appreciate. Join us to hear his unique perspective.

Sean Szolek-Van Valkenburgh grew up in Indiana surrounded by orchestral, classical, and contemporary music. His formal musical education began at age 7 when he started studying piano and performing in choral ensembles. As his musical education progressed, he noticed that he had the unusual gift of chromesthesia. Through TikTok, Sean avidly posts about being a professional musician and artist and connects with over 680,000 followers; he refers to them as "kings, queens, and monarchs." He hopes to provide a safe, inclusive, and entertaining platform that prioritizes genuine content creation and critical thought.

Show Highlights:

• What is chromesthesia? Multiple senses cross in the brain, making it possible to hear music and also see it in colors, textures, and patterns
• How Sean uses TikTok to share music and chromesthesia
• Why Sean is intensely passionate about educating and helping people see the world in different ways, especially the "lightbulb" moments of learning
• How Sean's personal brand of intensity cuts through to the truth and presents it to people, shining light on obscure areas in the legal system
• As Sean grew up, he was very adamant about certain fixations, like dominoes and Jenga; his twice-exceptionality was masked by his ability to study and learn, but his ADHD was overlooked for a time
• How his ADHD impacted the way he planned and self-regulated himself and caused imbalance in his mental health
• How Sean was socially isolated with a few superficial friendships and focused on his hyperfixations
• How Sean had to learn in college to apply himself to social constructs
• The cultural factors that affected Sean as he and his sister were black twins adopted by white parents, and how this helped inform his cultural understanding
• How Sean had to tone himself down as a counselor at a fine arts summer camp and learn how to expend his energy in appropriate ways
• Why Sean depends on established routines and structures that work with his ADHD
• How Sean has gotten out of control on social media in exposing the truth and presenting the facts, sometimes finding it difficult to strike a balance
• How Sean uses his fire for good in helping people channel their fire into artistic expression in different ways
• How Sean harnesses the power of his intensity through self-regulation and recognizing the power behind his personality and neurodivergence
• How Sean recognized his twice-exceptionality
• How Sean has learned to take time for himself and take mental inventory with introspection
• Sean's advice: "Be educated and aware when you speak about ADHD. Know your abilities and disabilities. It's a long journey. Find your authentic self and work on defining yourself."
• How to ask for accommodations
• What Sean is working on for the future

Resources:

Find Sean on Instagram: @seanszolekvanvalkenburgh

Find Sean on Twitter: @SeanSzolek

Find Sean on TikTok: @seansvv

Our July Guest Call was on Intuitive Flow & Creativity with Kari Betton

About Kari:

Kari Betton is a coach and mentor for highly sensitive and twice-exceptional people, with a passion for helping them find their innate sense of intuitive flow.

Too often, we can be focused on developing our mental health, physical health, intellect, etc, but including intuitive development in our personal development practice creates an easier foundation for all types of development within you to be congruent with each other.

A personal intuitive wandering practice can have profound implications on achieving the results and designing the life that you desire. In this call, Kari will focus on how to attain clarity and enough space in your life to listen to the inner wisdom that you already have.

In their spare time, Kari enjoys recording and producing their podcast Decolonizing Sexuality, vegan foodie adventures with friends, and painting galaxies.

You can find out more about Kari and their work at: simplybybeing.com/

In this episode:

• What is effort transcendence?
• Maintaining a trajectory of expansion over time
• When to give drops, and when to be your fire hose self

Links:

Embracing Intensity Community

Workbook on Harnessing the Power of Your Intensity

I'm excited to introduce you to a speech therapist whose work is informed by the autistic community and her personal experience in identifying as twice-exceptional. Her heart and passion are to help give a voice to those who can't speak for themselves. Join us!

Mara McLoughlin has over ten years of professional experience working with autistic and other neurodivergent people and their families. She has been a student and teacher of yoga and mindfulness for over 25 years, knowing that building these skills can help build a better world. She is a certified provider of the PEERS program that exists for the educational and enrichment of relational skills. With both her bachelor's and master's degrees in Communication Science and Disorders, she knows that communication is fun, difficult, and the key to life. To learn and gain confidence in the initial steps of founding friendships and self-regulation skills can help improve the lives of everyone.

Show Highlights:

• Why Mara is intensely passionate about yoga and working with autistic people and their families
• How Mara's intensity looks like a strong sense of fairness and fiercely advocating for those who can't speak for themselves, especially those with autism or aphasia due to stroke
• Growing up, Mara was a precocious speaker who struggled in school and was a determined but difficult child
• How the masking component has affected Mara in "code-switching" according to different situations
• The misconception about autism and the children who aren't identified by their response to social cues
• The relationship between non-binary gender identification and autism
• How cultural factors affected Mara as she grew up in white, conservative, suburban Chicago as she didn't follow the "rulebook" or the status quo
• Why she was unsuccessful in toning herself down or tuning herself out because she couldn't conform to others' expectations
• How Mara moved to the West Coast and found where she fits in and feels at home
• How a stroke affected her partner at age 43 and brought out Mara's advocacy skills
• How Mara uses her fire for good by being a fierce advocate for people who have different brains, helping to build capacity in environments for different learners
• How Mara harnesses the power of her intensity through breathing, yoga and movement, meditation, mindfulness, and gratitude
• How Mara helps others use their fire through the PEERS program with social and emotional development in making and keeping friends and solving conflict
• Mara's business, IRL Social skills, which is a collective of speech-language pathologists and occupational therapists who help families of autistic teens and adults
• How Mara uses immersion therapy in her work

Resources:

Connect with Mara: irl Social Skills.com

Find IRL Social Skills on Facebook and Mara McLoughlin on Twitter and @pawsomesocialskills on Instagram.

There are lots of upcoming great events happening in the EI Community. Check us out at Embracing Intensity

A while back I had seen a lot of posts about the overlap and similarities between ADHD and Autism, and it got me thinking about some observations I'd made both personally and professionally testing neurodivergent kids over the years.

I posted this tweet asking folks the following questions:

Curious with the #Autism vs. #ADHD discussions recently, if you have one or both, what do you relate to more:

1. Big Picture vs. Details
2. Order vs. Chaos
3. Think in Words vs. Pictures
4. Acquired Knowledge vs. Novel Problem Solving
5. Process Fast vs. Slow

Elaboration Welcome

More recently I posted the same questions with elaboration on TikTok and the responses were fascinating!

I think my biggest takeaway from hearing personal accounts from so many neurodivergent folks is that even when there's a consistent pattern that is statistically more likely in a specific area of neurodivergence, they are not hard and fast rules.

I met today's guest through the neurodivergent community on Twitter. Join us to learn more about his inspiring story.

Joseph Gitau is a writer, singer, and blogger who has been diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar I. With his childhood and youth being spent between his native Kenya and the US, he has a unique perspective about how neurodivergence is treated differently in both countries. Joseph uses his talents to promote mental health throughout his creative outlets.

Show Highlights:

• Why Joseph is intensely passionate about mental health and the arts
• How Joseph's personal brand of intensity includes music and twice-exceptionality
• How Joseph's journey of discovery through school was difficult because he was an introvert
• How the Kenyan tradition of children being "not seen and not heard" was very difficult for Joseph as an ADHD music-lover who always wanted to sing and play music
• Joseph's years in Kenya and the US, and how his ADHD and bipolar diagnosis came about
• How Joseph has to tone himself down--even today
• How Joseph's intensity got out of control when he dropped out of university, and he didn't know what to do next
• Why Joseph does the important work to break the taboo around ADHD and promote mental health awareness
• Why Joseph's writing includes interracial characters
• How celebrities represent neurodiversity to the world
• Why society uses labels to put people in different boxes
• How Joseph came to accept his neurodivergence
• The mixed feelings around neurodivergence, superpowers, white privilege, and economic privilege
• How Joseph uses his fire for good through his blog where he talks about the educational system, neurodiversity, and how marginalized people are affected
• Joseph's plans for the future
• How Joseph harnesses the power of his intensity through yoga and learning to balance structure and flexibility
• Joseph's parting advice: "Don't worry about tomorrow. Nothing is set in stone except what you did yesterday. Do what's right by you, and people will respect you."

Resources:

Find Joseph Gitau on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube.

Today's conversation is with a creative who has overcome obstacles to find her place in the world where she isn't afraid to be seen and heard. She helps others connect and engage, no matter how they have been "othered" by society, and she has learned how to effectively use her superpowers. Join us to learn more about making the world a brighter place for us all.

Jen Sujin Yoon is a creative consultant, storyteller, people-connector, and future-builder. We met on TikTok and immediately vibed with each other's content. Jen is starting a new adventure as she launches The Dork Web Production Company. She lives in the Bushwick community of Brooklyn and loves this "cool hood" filled with passionate artists.

Show Highlights:

• Why Jen is intensely passionate about connecting people and using The Dork Web as "a light corner of the web where people meet and are inspired to make the world a brighter place."
• How Jen's personal brand of intensity involved her awareness of how "it all comes together" in her characteristics of being highly sensitive, neurodivergent, and 2E
• How Jen's intensity was always shut down as she grew up as a Korean-American having to live according to metrics and expectations; she turned to art, comics, fiction, and pop culture as forms of escapism
• In Jen's school experience, she was bookish and in the gifted program, but she never felt like she fit in or was good enough at school or at home
• Why toning down and tuning out was just how Jen learned to live, and she's only recently learned to own her space and put her voice and face out there to be heard and seen
• How Jen learned to make herself small to try to fit in and be a people-pleaser--these were her survival skills
• How Jen felt "othered" in many ways but wants people to feel like they belong
• How Jen's intensity becomes out of control in her moments of "Hulk-smash" crazy anger
• How Jen compares her ADHD to superpowers that make her loud and proud
• Why Jen views her past traumas as what has developed her into who she is today
• Why Jen wants to normalize ALL emotions
• How Jen uses her fire for good as she uses her interdisciplinary experience and embracing leadership to help promote others and their work that aligns with her values
• How Jen harnesses the power of her intensity as she watches her younger sister (whom she mothered) grow up and have awareness of the world's realities
• Why Jen explains her childhood narcissistic trauma as "death by a thousand paper-cuts"
• Jen's advice: "Even if you're a problem-solver and leader, you still have to take care of yourself and not be a martyr. No one is coming to save you---you have to save yourself."

Resources:

Find The Dork Web on TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram. Website coming soon at The Dork Web

Our June Guest Call was on Asynchronous Development in Gifted Adults with Tiffany Chhuom.

Asynchronous development is a hallmark of the gifted experience, when we may have developed far ahead of our peers in some areas, and behind in others. This can continue into adulthood, especially for those who are also twice exceptional, and impact many aspects of our life experience.

About Tiffany:

Tiffany Chhuom, MPH, MSW is the owner of EthTech, a healthcare consulting and training firm for the Digital Era, and Lucy in the Sky Therapy, an on-line private practice for neurodiverse adults. With almost 20 years of experience in healthcare, she holds four degrees in four disciplines from the University of Washington. Her work produced notable achievements in practice, policy, research and administration across the Public Health, Social Work, Psychology, Criminal Justice, and Child Welfare sectors. She has lead large projects across the country in behavioral and medical research while also fine tuning her craft as a trauma and addiction therapist. Mrs. Chhuom is a long-time mentor and applauded speaker, creating new opportunities to advance course offerings and continuing education on telehealth ethics and digital marketing for providers and healthcare partners. You can find out more about Tiffany and her work at: ethtechusa.com/about/tiffany/

This is a part of our 2021 Embracing Intensity Community Speaker Series.

Calls are open for all to attend, and the recordings are shared in the Embracing Intensity Community. You can support this work by joining the community, or supporting us on Patreon! 

Links:

Embracing Intensity Community

Free Workbook on Harnessing the Power of Your Intensity

We had our first neurodivergent book club on Saturday, and one of the things we talked about was the complexity of labels. On the one hand, they serve as a tool to get information, support and connect with others, but it can also serve to separate us into "us and them" if we're not careful.

In this episode:

• Why I avoided using the terms gifted and twice exceptional for so long, and why it's helped to finally use them.
• Just because we can get by without a label, doesn't mean it wouldn't be helpful.
• Being in both parent and neurodivergent adult spaces, parents are hesitant to label kids with disabilities, but not giftedness, while adults wish they'd gotten disability diagnoses sooner and often dislike the gifted label.

Links:

Embracing Intensity Community

Free Workbook on Harnessing the Power of Your Intensity

Today's show is all about taking a holistic approach to achieve balance and take back control of your life. Join us to learn more.

Zarya Rubin is a physician and functional medicine health coach. She is a formerly stressed-out mom who now helps women in mid-life get to the root of their health issues and manage their stress to take back control of their lives.

Show Highlights:

• What is stress?
• The relationship between stress, control, and our response to stressors
• The body's primal response: fight, flight, or freeze
• Zarya explains her self-care graphic and gives factoids about stress
• How unmitigated stress often leads to burnout
• Personality traits that make you prone to burnout: being a workaholic, superhero, perfectionist, or lone ranger
• Common stressors in daily life are work, family, life events, health, finances, change/loss, and pandemic stress, which all of us have experienced in the last several months
• How stress CAN be a positive thing that motivates us to accomplish daily tasks
• How women can reduce stress levels by sharing with others and finding community
• Three types of stress: acute, episodic, and chronic
• The gut/brain connection and how stress affects it
• How to prevent stress, manage stress, and build resilience:
  • Use stress-busting techniques.
  • Take care of the basics.
  • Use a checklist, speak up, and practice self-care.
  • Practice breathing techniques, meditation, and mindfulness.
• What self-care is
• Types of rest: physical, mental, social, sensory, emotional, spiritual, and creative
• Zarya gives examples of breathing exercises and meditation that you can try at home
• Tips for good health habits for those with executive functioning impairments

Resources:

Find out more about Zarya and her work, and find her FREE Guide to Becoming Stress-Proof:

Wild Lilac Wellness