EmoZen discusses with Dr Bernard Baca, imago therapist, how early relationships can trigger intimate relational conflicts. Disconnection in childhood (or chronic disagreement/seeking approval), and the adult behaviors that trigger those unhealed emotional wounds can take attention away from positive and stable aspects of your present day love relationship. Instead of letting those triggers drive you apart, we talk about how to use the tension of these triggers to work towards deeper intimacy and deeper empathy.. You must know how to build new connections, maintain existing ones, and work to repair damaged ones by developing a grounded and positive sense of self.
1:40 - Dr. Bernard J. Baca has been recognized as one of the top couples therapists in Indiana and in private practice since 1985.
2:26 - Doing the work means figuring out what's going on in the relationship.
2:57 - Falling in love activates a biological trigger. Timelessness. Resembling childhood caretakers.
3:45 - IMAGO is Latin for image and means that we are looking for someone that mirrors the person who raised us.
5:13 - There are similar patterns in relationships even among single people but not to the same extent. Power struggle.
7:50 - It's hard to shelve your own "stuff" in order to hear your partner's pain. The more hurt you are, the harder it is to transcend that.
8:05 - Emotional regulation
9:09 - Leaning in can be terrifying when you're in that vulnerable place. Pursuer distancer. The fear of abandonment.
17:11 - The lizard or alligator brain. Fight or flight. The higher order, the mammal brain. Cognitive brain.
22:40 - The smarter you are the quicker good habits dissipate. The thing you love about someone becomes the thing that you hate about them. The hardest thing you'll ever do is work out an intimate relationship.
25:58 - Intergenerational trauma. Trying to prove yourself.
31:05 - Children that are raised in abusive homes are affected the same way that soldiers are on the frontlines. Complex PTSD.
33:28 - People "bark" because they are scared. Stop protecting yourself and learn to see from your partners perspective. Communicating to understand not to be heard.
37:06 - People are attracted to the qualities that their partner has because they don't think they have those qualities. It goes to the notion of envy. The notion that you could destroy what you envy is terrifying. There's always an element of narcissism.
39:05 - Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. When a parent feels shame or guilt, that gets projected onto the child. 50% of our personality is formed by the age of three.
45:45 - Stress the Silent Killer. Affairs is the attempt to regenerate the high of when they first met their partner. And for men it is also a distrust of women because they had two women in their life growing up. If they weren't getting what they need from one woman (mom) they'd seek out the other woman (aunt, sister, etc...)
50:46 - The IMAGO process is giving your partner what they need NOT what you THINK they need.
54:08 - To set up an appointment with Dr. Bernard J. Baca, PH.D., LCSW IMAGO Relationship Therapy Couples Counseling, call (317)255-5078
1:48:18 - Dr. Baca's book is The Intimacy Game: How To Stop Push-Pull Relationships and Win Back Your Marriage
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Connect with host Krista Anderson:
[email protected] / (317)509-8753
Connect with producer www.JasonAaron.pro
