Encouragementology

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are exploring how to create happiness within ourselves, how to respect others’ happiness without trying to control it (because let’s face it, that never works), and how to build a collective happiness that lifts us all up. If someone asked you, “Are you happy?”, what would your answer be? Does it depend on the time of day, what’s happening in the world, or another person? It’s ok to take a multi-pronged approach to answering that question because happiness is something we create within ourselves, respect others, and develop collectively. Because let’s be real: happiness is a tricky thing to pin down, isn’t it? We all want it, but sometimes we’re so busy trying to make everyone else happy that we forget to take care of our own. So whether you’re a self-proclaimed people-pleaser, someone who’s learning to set healthy boundaries, or just figuring out what makes you smile, I’ll find something for you. Let’s get real about what happiness is, what it isn’t, and how we can all be a little happier together. Deal?

I started this study with some definitions that felt more like peeling an onion. Define happiness: the state of being happy. Ok, I should have seen that one coming. Define happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Pleasure and contentment seem like two different things so let's find out. Define pleasure: (disclaimer here….the definition of this one definitely differs by who you ask so proceed with caution) a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. Hmmm we may need to come back to those but I think I am seeing a common thread because satisfaction and contentment might be the same as pleasure and enjoyment. Define contentment: a state of happiness and satisfaction. And we’re on a loop. Looks like we need to jump off and take it from here.

If I answered the aforementioned question “Are you happy?” I could honestly answer yes! I am happy. Of course, I have days of dissatisfaction and discontent but overall, I’m extremely happy. Throughout my life, my happiness has been tangled in a messy pile of yours, mine, and ours. I believed my happiness was directly tied to or a result of someone else’s happiness. Like we all have to get there together or not at all, that weakened my happiness but never depleted it. Once I was able to work through the tangle and untie the knots, I had a clear path to my own happiness. I’ve said it before but it bears repeating: your day starts and ends with you. YOUR day starts and ends with YOU. You have the power to find happiness and let joy explode or….well fill in the blank here. Anything that is the opposite of happiness and joy needs to be a temporary state that you are currently working your way out of. 

So let’s get started!

At I’m Calming the F#ck Down website I found a good start to start dissecting YOURS, MINE, AND OURS; MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

Jennifer Williams from Heartmanity helps Create a Healthy and Happy Life with Effective Boundaries

On Big Think’s YouTube channel I found some really important insight on How to be happier in 5 steps with zero weird tricks | Laurie Santos

Here are some practical ways to check in with yourself to make sure you’re focusing on your own happiness and not overly tied to someone else’s:

1. Ask Yourself, “How Am I Feeling Today?”

Why it works: Start by tuning into your own emotions regularly. It’s easy to get swept up in how others feel, but this question grounds you in your own experience. Make it a habit to check in with your emotions at different times of the day.

What to notice: Are you feeling anxious or down, but don’t know why? This could be a sign you’re too focused on someone else’s mood or well-being.

1. Check if You’re Overthinking Someone Else’s Problems

Why it works: It’s natural to care about others, but if you find yourself constantly thinking about how to fix or solve their issues, it might be a red flag that you’re neglecting your own.

What to ask yourself: “Is this my responsibility?” or “Have I taken on more than I should?” This helps you draw healthy boundaries between what’s yours to carry and what’s not.

1. Assess Your Day-to-Day Choices

Why it works: Look at your daily decisions—what you eat, how you spend your time, and what you prioritize. Are you making choices based on what truly makes you happy, or are you trying to please or accommodate someone else?

What to ask yourself: “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I think it will make someone else happy?” If it’s always the latter, it’s time to reevaluate.

1. Reflect on Your Motivations

Why it works: Before you take action, pause and ask yourself why you’re doing it. This practice helps you distinguish between acting out of genuine desire versus trying to keep someone else happy.

What to ask yourself: “Am I doing this because it aligns with my values and happiness, or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?”

1. Set Small, Personal Goals

Why it works: Focusing on small, personal goals that bring you joy will help you stay centered on your own happiness. These goals don’t need to be big—they can be as simple as setting aside time for a hobby or practicing self-care.

What to notice: If your goals are always centered on someone else’s well-being or approval, it’s a sign you need to focus more on yourself.

1. Create Boundaries Around “Emotional Giving”

Why it works: If you’re constantly giving emotional support but feeling drained, it’s a signal that you may be overextending yourself. Setting boundaries helps prevent emotional burnout.

What to ask yourself: “Am I emotionally giving to the point where it’s depleting me?” and “How can I offer support without sacrificing my own happiness?”

1. Observe Your Reactions to Others’ Moods

Why it works: Notice how much your mood is influenced by others. If someone else’s bad day instantly brings you down, you may be tying your emotions too closely to theirs.

What to ask yourself: “Is my mood changing because of something going on with me, or am I picking up on someone else’s feelings?” This helps you create emotional distance and recognize that their mood doesn’t need to dictate yours.

1. Track When You Say “Yes”

Why it works: If you’re always saying “yes” to requests without considering your own needs, it’s a sign that you’re prioritizing someone else’s happiness over your own.

What to ask yourself: “Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to, or am I afraid of letting someone down?” Learning to say no helps you honor your own boundaries and happiness.

1. Spend Time Alone to Recharge

Why it works: Time alone allows you to reconnect with your own needs and desires. It helps you break free from the constant influence of others and check in with what really makes you happy.

What to do: Engage in solo activities you enjoy—reading, going for a walk, or meditating. Ask yourself during this time, “What do I need right now?”

1. Examine How You Handle Disagreement

Why it works: If you avoid conflict or disagreement because you don’t want to upset someone, it might be a sign you’re putting their happiness before your own.

What to ask yourself: “Am I being true to myself, or am I just trying to keep the peace?” Standing up for your own needs, even when it’s uncomfortable, is key to maintaining your happiness.

1. Notice When You Feel Guilt

Why it works: Guilt can be a sign that you’re too focused on someone else’s happiness. If you feel guilty for choosing your own joy or saying no to someone, it’s time to reflect.

What to ask yourself: “Why do I feel guilty? Am I doing something wrong, or am I just putting myself first for a change?”

1. Celebrate Your Own Wins

Why it works: Take time to celebrate your personal achievements and milestones, no matter how small. This reminds you that your happiness doesn’t have to be tied to anyone else’s.

What to do: At the end of each day or week, list out things you did for yourself—anything from completing a task to taking a moment of self-care. Recognize that you deserve happiness and fulfillment independent of others.

CHALLENGE: Reclaim your happiness and make it your own! Challenge yourself to focus on what truly brings you joy, while letting go of the need to control or depend on someone else’s happiness—because when you’re thriving, you inspire others to do the same.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are exploring a love without ‘ifs as we calculate the ROI of unconditional giving. Have you ever delivered or been delivered an ultimatum when it comes to love? “I will love you IF….”? How did that make you feel? Well welcome to a conversation that flips the script on giving! Let’s dive into why giving to get will leave your ROI completely upside down. We’ll be exploring the power of unconditional giving—no strings attached, no hidden agendas. It’s all about the deep, soul-level rewards that come when we stop expecting anything in return. After all, love doesn’t come with “ifs” or conditions. So, let’s break down why the best payoffs come when you’re not even looking for one—and why giving with no expectations just might be the ultimate life hack!

As someone who had to learn the hard way that caring and controlling aren’t the same thing, this concept didn’t come naturally to me. When you struggle with people-pleasing, loving with conditions can feel like second nature. Even when you think you’re giving love without expecting anything in return, it doesn’t take long before you realize that, deep down, you’re still craving validation. It’s a sneaky little expectation that can undermine the whole point of unconditional love.

Don’t worry, it may feel a bit like splitting hairs but when the revelation of the difference hits your “over the rim” thinking, a new perspective will open up an exciting new path with soul-nurturing payoffs!

A people pleaser can easily mistake care for controlling behavior because, on the surface, both can seem driven by kindness or concern for others. However, the difference lies in the motivation and expectations behind the actions.

When you’re genuinely caring, you offer support, love, or help without expecting anything in return. You’re tuned in to the needs of others and respect their autonomy. On the other hand, when care becomes controlling, it’s often about managing outcomes—trying to influence someone’s behavior or decisions to get validation, maintain approval, or reduce anxiety.

For a people pleaser, this fine line is crossed when the focus shifts from simply caring for someone to subtly manipulating situations in order to keep peace, avoid conflict, or secure affection. It’s when you’re doing things to make yourself feel better rather than genuinely considering what’s best for the other person.

The key difference is intention: caring allows for freedom, while controlling is about managing outcomes for your own comfort. Recognizing when your help is tied to your own emotional needs or expectations can help you avoid crossing that line.

To test yourself and keep your behavior in check when navigating the line between caring and controlling, try these strategies:

1. Ask “Why am I doing this?”

Before you take action, pause and check your motives. Are you offering help because the other person truly needs it, or are you seeking validation or approval? If your reason is more about easing your own discomfort, it may be a sign of control.

1. Let go of the outcome

Caring means allowing the other person to choose how they respond, even if the outcome isn’t what you want. If you feel anxious about not getting the “right” response, it’s time to step back and reassess whether you’re trying to control the situation.

1. Give people space to fail

Real care respects others’ autonomy and their right to make mistakes. If you feel compelled to step in to “fix” everything, you might be more focused on controlling than supporting. Let them handle it, even if it means learning from failures.

1. Practice active listening

When you’re in people-pleasing mode, you might jump to offer solutions without really hearing what the other person needs. Slow down, listen fully, and ask if they actually want your help before offering it.

1. Set boundaries—for yourself

Boundaries aren’t just for others; you need them too! Notice when you’re over-extending yourself to meet someone else’s needs, and check if you’re doing so out of a genuine desire or a need to feel validated.

1. Check for resentment

If you find yourself feeling resentful or disappointed when your efforts aren’t acknowledged or appreciated, it’s a red flag. True care is given freely, without strings. If resentment creeps in, it’s a sign you may be attaching conditions to your giving.

1. Reflect on past patterns

Take time to reflect on situations where you’ve felt drained or frustrated in your efforts to help. Did you expect something in return, even if it was just gratitude or validation? Recognizing these patterns can help you stay aware in the future.

By regularly using these self-checks, you’ll be able to identify when you’re slipping into controlling behavior and steer back toward healthy, unconditional care.

Shikha Rastogi arms us with Conditional vs. Unconditional Love: How to Tell the Difference found at the Emotional Intelligence Magazine

Jason Merchey shares Altruism in Action: Helping Others is a Virtue found at Values of the Wise

Over on Evan Carmichael’s YouTube channel, I found some unexpected advice from Warren Buffett on the Key to Life.

CHALLENGE: Give love and care without expecting anything in return—start with small acts and watch how they transform not only the people around you, but also your own sense of fulfillment. Let go of control, embrace genuine compassion, and see how unconditional giving becomes the ultimate reward!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are simplifying life beyond the details as we zoom out to see the bigger picture. Having a hard time seeing the forest for the trees? Caught up in the minutia of life and never feel like you truly have a grasp on what’s important? Life often gets overwhelming when we get caught up in the small details—stress, distractions, and the constant busyness of our day-to-day. But when we step back, we realize that what truly matters is simple: connections, purpose, and personal growth. We’ll explore how shifting our focus from the non-essentials to the bigger picture brings clarity, peace, and a deeper sense of fulfillment. Let’s dive into ways to refocus, simplify, and see life for what it really is—a series of meaningful moments and lessons.

I think this kind of perspective isn’t always easy to obtain, and maybe that’s on purpose. I mean, if you were always able to see the bigger picture would you even recognize that it IS in fact the bigger picture? Harlan Ellison said, "Without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty". They say hindsight is 20/20 meaning it's easier to understand something after it has already happened. So what should this big-picture thinking do to you today?  

It helps you in everyday life by giving you more clarity and a better perspective. Instead of getting stuck on the little things that go wrong, it helps you focus on what really matters. It makes it easier to handle daily stress because you’re not sweating the small stuff. You start to prioritize what’s important, making choices that align with your bigger goals. It helps you stay focused on the long run and see challenges as just part of the process. In the end, it keeps you grounded and helps you live more intentionally.

I don’t know about you…but I want more of that!

Techlyticaly helps us challenge this thinking with Seeing Things Differently: How Perspective Changes Everything found on Linkedin

Patrick Buggy offers some inspiring ideas on What to do When You Feel Stuck in a Rut found at Mindful Ambitions

On Lena Samford’s blog, I found some more ideas about How to See the Bigger Picture

On the Art of Movement’s YouTube channel, I found 20 Things Most People Learn Too Late In Life

Here are some effective visioning exercises to help broaden your thinking:

1. Future Self Visualization: Close your eyes and imagine your life five or ten years from now. Picture where you are, what you’re doing, and how you feel. Write down the details to clarify your goals and aspirations.

CHALLENGE: Don’t let the small stuff keep you stuck—challenge yourself to step back, broaden your perspective, and see the bigger picture. By shifting your focus, you’ll find clarity, purpose, and the freedom to pursue what truly matters in your life.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are hopefully going to come to the realization that you don’t have to choose just one path in life but you can explore multiple passions and always reinvent yourself. When was the first time someone asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up? Four or five? As if you even know there were a varied array of options at that age not to mention what you were even capable of. Fast forward, are you there yet? You don’t have to stick to just one path in life—explore your passions and embrace the idea of doing more than one thing! Whether it’s pursuing a new interest, changing careers, or adding a side project, you can always reinvent yourself. It’s never too late to grow, learn, and discover new opportunities that align with who you are today. 

My earliest memory was somewhere before age five and I wanted to be an actress. My parents recorded me saying that I wanted to be this because I had a long, red, sparkly dress. I must have just watched a red carpet awards show or something. Even though I did end up doing a variety of plays, a little modeling, and some B-rated promo videos I am not an actress. Then in High School, I watched a lot of People’s Court and thought I wanted to be a lawyer which is funny since they represent themselves but I’m not, a lawyer. My Dad thought I should be a nurse because I love people and am so encouraging. Even though I’m a Grey’s Anatomy junkie I am not, a nurse. My first-grade teachers and every teacher thereafter said I talk too much…ding ding, I am in sales, marketing, and public speaking. But that’s not all I do.

Today I’m a life, recovery, and career coach, a VP of operations, I run support groups, am a motivational speaker, a Hospice volunteer, a CEO mentor, a Woman in Business, and an avid crocheter who also loves to sew! I love a lot of things and feel I’m good at a lot of things and there are days were I’m still answering that question; of what I want to be when I grow up. 

Maybe you’re just getting started. Maybe you’re at a crossroads and looking for something different, or maybe it’s all in your rearview mirror and you’re ready for phase 2.

I say follow your curiosity and create a life that reflects all the things you’re passionate about. There’s no limit to what you can do!

Irina Cozma asks and offers answers on Values, Passion, or Purpose — Which Should Guide Your Career? Found on the Harvard Business Review

Kathy Caprino says Stop Searching For Career Passion -- You Won't Find It That Way found at Forbes

Kirsty Perrin is the Director at The Winning Edge Mindset and gave a Ted Talk on How you can reinvent yourself for success. 

Uncovering your passions is an exciting journey of self-discovery! Here are some strategies to help you find what truly excites you:

• Reflect on what energizes you: Think about activities, conversations, or tasks that make you feel alive, focused, or fulfilled. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

CHALLENGE: You have the power to shape your potential—challenge your self-talk and start believing in your ability to grow, learn, and take on new opportunities. Push past limiting thoughts and take bold action today; you’re capable of far more than you think!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we unleash our instincts and seize the moment as we find our voice and speak our truth. How many moments have passed you by? Has the cat got your tongue as you overanalyzed a situation instead of acting on impulse? That is time you can’t get back and possibilities that will never be. Life’s too short to hold back. Acting on instinct and speaking your truth in the moment is about embracing the now, not waiting for the ‘perfect’ time. When you trust your gut and say what you mean, you create real connections, take bolder actions, and live more authentically. Time is precious, and we don’t always get second chances to express how we feel or take that leap. It’s about being brave, trusting yourself, and seizing every opportunity before it slips away.

What is holding you back? Have you ever stepped back and widened your perspective to better understand why you second-guess yourself? No really, it is that easy. So many times we act or don’t act but never question why. You aren’t a robot programmed by someone else. You have complete power and if you don’t, it’s time to take it back. Operating on instinct does not mean operating on auto-pilot. It means when you feel led to act…act. If you don’t trust yourself to take that kind of quick action then there is something there that needs our attention.

Overcoming self-doubt is key to acting on instinct and truly seizing the moment. We often second-guess ourselves, waiting until we feel “ready,” but the truth is, there’s no perfect time. Self-doubt holds us back from expressing what’s in our hearts and taking bold steps forward. When you push past those doubts and trust yourself, you unlock the power to act with confidence and authenticity. It’s about realizing that your voice matters, your instincts are valid, and every moment you hesitate is a moment missed. Let’s dive into this topic so we can reach a level of trust with yourself because you’re more capable than you think.

Joe Costello asks, What's Holding You Back? - found on LinkedIn

On Mel Robbin's YouTube channel, I found so important tips on -  What's The Quickest Way To Success? Ending This One Habit | Mel Robbins

At My Saltwater Skyline I found Time is Precious: Making the Most of Each Moment

Building trust in yourself is about developing confidence in your abilities, decisions, and instincts. It’s a process that takes time, self-awareness, and practice. Here are some steps to help you build that self-trust:

1. Keep Promises to Yourself: Start by setting small, achievable goals and following through with them. Whether it’s sticking to a daily habit or completing a task, honoring your commitments to yourself builds self-trust over time.

Building trust in yourself is about consistently showing up for yourself, learning from the journey, and practicing self-kindness. As you cultivate this self-trust, you’ll become more confident in your decisions and actions.

CHALLENGE: Trust your gut, take that leap, and let those small actions build into something amazing. Stop waiting—seize the moment, follow your instincts, and watch how those every day wins turn into something life-changing.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are exploring the science behind joy and how to cultivate it as we strive to understand happiness. You might have figured out by now that it isn’t always as easy as turning that frown upside down and faking it until you make it, can involve a lot of lying and manipulation, leading to dishonesty with yourself. Finding happiness isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about living a fulfilling life. Understanding what truly makes us happy helps us navigate the ups and downs, making every day a bit brighter. By exploring the science of happiness, we can learn practical ways to cultivate joy and contentment in our lives. It’s not about chasing some perfect, blissful state; it’s about finding what really matters to us and making space for it. And when we do that, not only do we feel better, but we also become better equipped to handle whatever life throws our way. So let’s dive into what happiness really means and how we can all bring a little more of it into our lives!

By now you’ve figured out, I’m a pretty positive person. But it’s a choice and not something that has always come easily. I’ve had my share of strife, complex challenges, and downright trauma but I chose not to live there. You’re right, that’s not as easy as it sounds either. To overcome and move on, I had to come face to face with any and all challenges, take personal responsibility, offer myself forgiveness, and decide to let it go in order to move on. Now that’s a journey but the learning is important and the freedom it provides, is priceless. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get down or have off days. A good 24 hour pity party can be as detoxing as a super cleanse but I don’t stay there. A therapist once said it’s ok to invite sadness in, even to let it stay awhile, but then you have to be willing to ask it to leave. 

It’s hard to recognize or be grateful for happiness without a bit of suffering so we will have to cover both sides of the coin. 

Dr. Nicole Celestine helps us understand The Science of Happiness in Positive Psychology 101 - found at Positive Psychology 

On the Absolute Motivation’s YouTube channel, I found Jim Carrey - How To Find Happiness In Life | A Chilling Speech

Terri Kozlowski shares some strategies around how to Take Responsibility To Edit Your Life And Practical Ways To Do It - found on LinkedIn

Joy, like other emotions, is a complex interplay of neurological, psychological, and social factors. Here’s a breakdown of the science:

1. Neurology of Joy

• Dopamine Release: Joy is closely linked to the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a significant role in our reward system. When we experience something pleasurable or rewarding, dopamine is released, making us feel good.

1. Psychological Factors

• Positive Psychology: This field of psychology studies what makes life worth living. Researchers have identified key components of joy, such as gratitude, mindfulness, and optimism. Practicing these can increase our overall sense of well-being and joy.

1. Social and Environmental Influences

• Social Connections: Strong, positive relationships are one of the most consistent predictors of happiness. Sharing joyful moments with others amplifies our experience of joy.

1. Evolutionary Perspective

• From an evolutionary standpoint, joy has played a critical role in human survival. Positive emotions like joy help us build social bonds, find meaning in life, and motivate us to pursue goals and engage in activities that ensure our survival and well-being.

1. Cultivating Joy

• Gratitude Practice: Regularly reflecting on what you’re thankful for can increase feelings of joy.

The science behind joy reveals that it’s not just a fleeting emotion but a powerful, essential part of our well-being. By understanding and intentionally cultivating joy, we can enhance our lives and the lives of those around us.

CHALLENGE: Take charge of your happiness by letting go of what no longer serves you and embracing the power of the present. Challenge yourself to rewrite your story, one filled with joy, resilience, and the belief that you deserve a life of fulfillment.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show… we are discovering pathmakers as we honor the past while shaping the future. 

A pathmaker is someone who blazes a trail in uncharted territory, often breaking through barriers, challenging norms, and creating opportunities where none existed before. They are innovators, leaders, and pioneers who pave the way for others to follow, making significant contributions that leave a lasting impact on society, culture, or a specific field. Pathmakers not only achieve remarkable things in their own lives but also inspire and enable future generations to continue building on the foundation they’ve laid. So let’s take a deep dive into the journey of those who’ve come before us—those incredible individuals who’ve paved the way for the world we live in today. As we reflect on their legacies, we’ll also be thinking about our own. What kind of impact are we leaving behind? Let’s explore how we can honor the past while shaping a future that truly matters. It’s all about appreciating the pathmakers who’ve led the way and considering how we, too, can create a lasting legacy. 

I love this anonymous quote: “What you leave as a legacy is not what is etched in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

Do you feel like you’re still figuring everything out and aren’t quite ready for a recorded legacy yet? You know, off the record, so to speak. Unless your child prodigy, when do you peak in understanding and effort? Maybe you’re waiting for the Nobel peace prize and maybe you’re not sure the accumulation of your life is worthy to be memorialized but either way, you’re leaving a legacy. The things you say and do matter. They shape, form, and make an impact on those you come in contact with. The seeds you plant run deep and will likely bloom outside of your control. 

No pressure! 

You can’t rewrite history or miraculously solve the world's problems so outside of those two things, what if we just agree to start living with more intention? From today forward, we will think before we act. Think about the last impact our actions will have on those around us and beyond.  Can we start there? Good…outside of that, let’s learn more. 

Elizabeth Perry helps by mapping out the steps of Leaving a legacy: How to make a lasting impression - found at Better Up

On the TedTalks YouTube channel I found The importance of leaving a legacy | Minke Haveman 

Candy Barone explains Living Legacy: What Is It and Why You Need to Be Intentional About Leading Yours - found on LinkedIn

History offers valuable lessons when we think about our own legacy, guiding us in understanding the impact we can have on the future. Here are a few key insights:

1. The Power of Resilience:

• Lesson: Many historical figures faced immense challenges and adversity, yet their determination and resilience allowed them to make lasting contributions. History teaches us that perseverance in the face of difficulties can lead to enduring change.

1. The Importance of Values:

• Lesson: Historical pathmakers often stood firm in their values, whether it was justice, equality, innovation, or compassion. Their legacies are often defined by their unwavering commitment to these principles.

1. The Ripple Effect of Actions:

• Lesson: History shows that even small actions can have a profound impact. The decisions and actions of individuals often ripple out, influencing generations to come.

1. The Role of Innovation:

• Lesson: Innovators in history, from scientists to artists, have shown that thinking differently and pushing boundaries can lead to groundbreaking advancements. Their legacies are often marked by the new paths they created.

1. The Impact of Community and Collaboration:

• Lesson: Many historical achievements were the result of collaboration and the collective efforts of communities. Movements that changed the world were often driven by groups of people working together towards a common goal.

1. The Significance of Mentorship and Influence:

• Lesson: History is full of examples where one person’s influence, mentorship, or guidance helped shape the path of another, leading to significant developments.

1. The Legacy of Compassion and Service:

• Lesson: Figures like Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela are remembered not just for their accomplishments but for their compassion and service to others. Their legacies are defined by the lives they touched and the changes they fostered through empathy and kindness.

CHALLENGE: Your legacy starts with the choices you make today—embrace resilience, live your values, and take action with purpose. Challenge yourself to make a lasting impact, knowing that the path you pave will inspire and guide future generations.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are exploring the paradox of control and how trying to control others ends up controlling you. Have you ever wondered if your well-intentioned help might actually be a bit too much? It’s easy to blur the lines between being supportive and being controlling without even realizing it. Sometimes, what we see as helping might actually be holding others back. Slippery slope? I don’t want to give you another thing to stress about but it’s easy to go from helping to controlling because our desire to see things done well or protect those we care about can lead us to overstep boundaries. What starts as genuine concern can quickly turn into micromanagement, especially when we feel responsible for the outcomes or anxious about losing control.

So let’s dive into the subtle differences between helping and controlling, and explore how we can make sure our good intentions truly empower those around us. Curious to see where you stand. Let’s find out together!

I always thought I was being helpful…always until I was able to get some perspective and see the difference. It’s ok if you’re not there yet, that’s the journey. The fact that you are committed to getting a better vantage point and some positive alternatives to some of life’s challenges and a HUGE first step. Remember the saying, “The road is paved with good intentions”? Well it’s actually referring to the road to hell but I think it can apply here too because it means, the difference between what someone intends to do and the outcome of their actions. Maybe you initially jumped in to help and maybe you wanted to control the situation from the start and the lines were just a blur. Let’s sharpen the focus as we figure out the difference…

Samantha Ann helps us identify the difference between Controlling vs Caring: A Thin Line Controlling People Love to Cross found at Love Panky

On the SlightlyBetter YouTube channel, I found 8 Things Controlling Personalities Do To Keep You Under Them

Hailey Magee shares her story on How I Stopped Trying to Control My Partner and Took Responsibility for My Own Happiness - found at The Gottman Institute 

Figuring out if you’re actually being helpful or starting to be a bit controlling takes some self-reflection and thinking about your motives and how your actions affect others. Here are some ways to check yourself:

1. Check Your Motives

• Ask Yourself: Why am I offering help or advice? Is it because I genuinely want to support this person, or because I feel anxious if things aren’t done my way?

1. Consider the Other Person’s Autonomy

• Ask Yourself: Am I allowing the other person to make their own choices, or am I trying to steer them toward what I think is best?

1. Observe Their Response

• Ask Yourself: How does the other person react when I offer help or advice? Do they seem appreciative, or do they appear uncomfortable or resistant?

1. Reflect on Your Emotional State

• Ask Yourself: How do I feel if the person doesn’t take my advice or doesn’t accept my help?

1. Assess the Frequency and Context

• Ask Yourself: How often am I stepping in to offer help or advice? Is it in situations where it’s truly needed, or am I doing it constantly, even when not asked?

1. Solicit Feedback

• Ask Them: How do you feel about the help or advice I’m giving? Do you feel supported or overwhelmed?

1. Evaluate the Balance of Power

• Ask Yourself: Am I trying to maintain control or power in this situation, or am I empowering the other person?

CHALLENGE: Recognize where your well-meaning actions might be crossing into control and take steps to shift toward empowering others. By embracing true personal responsibility, you’ll build stronger, more trusting relationships that allow everyone to thrive.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show….we are peeling back the layers to build more authentic connections amid this tech-driven world. Got a lot of “friends” but still feel lonely? Receiving a lot of “likes” and “loves” but still feeling unheard? Take a minute and count your authentic connections. You know the ones who have your back and you have theirs. You call them and they show up to celebrate or get you back on your feet. They are priceless and they didn’t happen by accident. In today’s tech-heavy world, it’s easy to feel like we’re buried under layers of screens and gadgets, which can make real, authentic connections seem out of reach. But here’s the good news: peeling back those layers isn’t as hard as it sounds! Let’s dive into how to cut through the digital noise and build genuine relationships that enrich our lives. 

Having a tight inner circle is critical and yes, exclusive. I have friends who have been with me through thick and thin. They have loved me even through the unlovable stages of my life. And let me tell you, there were many. They are gold and unshakable. I hope I’m half the friend to them as they are to me. 

Woodrow Wilson said, “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together." If that’s true, shouldn’t we take it super seriously? That means effort, being strategic, and adopting a give/get approach. 

At Your Life Your Voice I found a breakdown of the different circles of friendship.

At TedEd’s YouTube channel, I found some good information on How friendship affects your brain - Shannon Odell

At Friendship with Intention, Amanda Diaz shares THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES FOR FRIENDSHIP

Don’t beat yourself up and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. Set realistic expectations and stop overcommitting. You can only do what you can do but you can do better.

Here are five actionable steps you can take today to become a better friend:

1. Reach Out Thoughtfully: Take a moment to check in with a friend. A simple message, call, or even a handwritten note to express that you’re thinking of them can make a big difference. Ask how they’re doing and show genuine interest in their life.

CHALLENGE: Take a proactive step to strengthen your friendships by reaching out, offering support, and being fully present. Challenge yourself to show genuine appreciation and empathy, and watch how these small actions can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are searching for a balanced life as we aim to find fulfillment beyond the daily grind. All work and no play may have you out of alignment and in a rut. All for you and nothing for them may have you starving your generous nature. An uneven or unstable footing can cause you to struggle to level your intentions for a calmer life that provides more meaning. Feeling out of balance is something many of us face, especially when we get caught up in one aspect of our lives—be it career, family, friends, our spirituality, or personal joy—while neglecting others. But here’s the good news: recognizing this imbalance is the first step to fixing it. Take a step back, breathe, and look at the bigger picture. What areas are thriving, and which ones need more love and attention? Let’s create a plan to nurture all parts of your life. Maybe it’s setting aside time for family dinners, scheduling regular self-care activities, or finding moments for spiritual reflection. Remember, it’s all about small, consistent steps to bring harmony and fulfillment back into your life. You’ve got this!

Balance is an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. It’s a condition where different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. Sounds a lot like harmony, right? We often strive to give all aspects of our lives equal effort, but is that really realistic? Not always. Personal seasons bring natural shifts in our goals and outcomes. Sometimes, one area needs your undivided attention, and everything else has to wait. These are just seasons in your life, and they will course-correct if you keep things in perspective. Embrace the ebb and flow, and trust that balance will find its way back.

Seeing the bigger picture isn’t always easy, so have a little patience with yourself. Realizing the need for a better vantage point to accurately evaluate needs versus desires is a crucial step toward finding balance. Take your time, reflect, and be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey.

Mick from InsideOut Mastery asks and answers: Feeling Unfulfilled in life? Here are the 9 Common Reasons Why

Jack Canfield helps us solve How To Find Balance In Your Life found on his website

Let’s learn a little more from Jack Canfield on How to Politely Say No Without Hurting Feelings | found on his YouTube channel

At this stage, asking yourself the right questions can provide clarity and insight. Here are some questions to consider:

1. Prioritization and Time Allocation:

• Am I dedicating enough time to each important aspect of my life (e.g., career, family, health, hobbies)?

1. Personal Fulfillment:

• What activities or aspects of my life bring me the most joy and satisfaction?

1. Health and Well-being:

• How am I taking care of my physical, emotional, and mental health?

1. Relationships:

• Are my relationships with family, friends, and colleagues positive and fulfilling?

1. Career and Personal Growth:

• Am I satisfied with my career progress and professional growth?

1. Stress and Burnout:

• Do I often feel overwhelmed or stressed?

1. Purpose and Goals:

• Do I have clear short-term and long-term goals for various areas of my life?

1. Flexibility and Adaptability:

• How well do I adapt to changes and unexpected situations in my life?

1. Self-Reflection and Growth:

• Do I regularly take time to reflect on my life and make necessary adjustments?

1. Balance and Harmony:

• Do I feel a sense of balance and harmony in my life, or is something off-kilter?

1. Fulfillment and Meaning:

• Do I feel fulfilled in my daily life, or is something missing?

1. Boundaries:

• Am I setting healthy boundaries to protect my time and energy?

Reflecting on these questions can help you gain a deeper understanding of where you stand and what adjustments might be needed to achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life.

CHALLENGE: Take a step back and evaluate the balance in your life—identify areas that need more attention and make a plan to nurture them. Embrace the journey towards harmony, knowing that small, consistent steps can lead to a more fulfilling and well-rounded life.

I Know YOU Can Do It!