Isn't it strange that I can write something, and not remember what I wrote the next day?
I remember that I wrote it, and writing it, but not the words, really, or the structure.
They make pictures in the documents, shapes that they themselves as things make imprints as etching but have never been seen, by anyone else but me, at least—and whoever is phishing in my documents.
That's the dangerous part.
I do remember Jimmy Fallon, or just glimpse of it—that's the other dangerous part.
What exactly have I become apart of?
Why is this character hounding in the back of my mind? And what is relentlessly bc aching for truth and still clinging to the secrecy
I left him alone, but the thing kept returning.
Like that little yellow breasted bird who kept coming to visit me; he adored himself so looking in the water pipe like it was a mirror— what a paradox
No hot water heaters, but also,
Then, I wasn't exactly an expatriate, or enemy to the patriarch. I liked men in charge, so long as they were the right kind of man.
But what is the right kind of man?
These versus were written in cadences that seemed like gibberish at the time, but two days later reading back, did seem to make sense… but for what?
It was almost peaceful in the apartment now that I seemed to be on the way out.
“You were warned in the drama club,”
The words rang in my mind but I had no idea whether they were just words to another song or some sort of string of things— these telemetrical tests to see if I could hear these things being stated over and over to me as if they were drills rather than things I was thinking.
Apparently I'd been betrayed but what was new?
My entire being in existence had been strings of betrayals and so these words, though unkind, could have meant anything.
Fear, usually, was the biggest weapon against any mind endangered, but I wasn't in fear of anything besides never seeing my son again— this was likely either way in that certainly in at least one way, I had been betrayed.
Perhaps I was expected to act like a man, and that I wouldn't miss or always feel attached to my baby; but I wasn't a man, or a dog. In
fact, I was a woman, and now so much aging that these things could be used against me.
I wasn't guilty, because I wasn't not-trying.
But these things were speaking volumes in what has been done to me and against me, and rather than to be the victim here, I altered my thoughts into those of a understanding never-martyr, because in fact my death would be kept secret; hidden, even.
I had been isolated from everyone and everything, and this was the agenda my purpose suited— perhaps a growing mental health crisis, though unobjectifiable I had been targeted— these things were made to hurt me, or make me believe I was becoming famous, but were never of any meaning, and indeed though I had written these things,
Any illusion of safety had been manufactured.
There was none; I was not safe here— or anywhere in the United States anymore.
Once I'd returned from Mexico, I had been recaptured, and closely studied, and controlled, and manipulated into doing and acting on behalf of my kind, which was being made to be the enemy.
What it had to do with any public figure wasn't entirely beyond me; in many ways, maybe, this figure was and could either be, both the Rock and Thr Kite— or the wind, or water, or earth itself; and perhaps since my death had marked the start of our awareness to any thing…it hadn't been entirely unnoticed that this overriding factor was that it was the same sort of cycle from one, repeated four times, and then eventually stopped.
In the unbalanced nature of my own time seeming to be shrinking, the more I realized that people to me were unkind, and distant.
It wasn't a swperate person or personality that had written these things; but a side of me that needed to be sleeping when these energies seemed to be surrounding me; and again this cruelty as peaking into an unbearable circumstance of needing to escape, and because I hadn't the financial means— seeking means to an end.
This brutality on the inside of my mind revealing itself to be the need for peace was overwhelming anything— the need for fame, connecting, recognition… the reality of it was, the illusion of safety was shrinking; I didn't have anybody or anything, the the words themselves were only being seen by those unseen.
I could have been portraying these deeply prolific things into the very hearts and minds of the enemy that was vilifying and demonizing me; keeping me out of a job and away from my son as a way to justify these dehumanizing and humiliating realities— the things that could make me appear crazy if need be.
But the truth was, I was sort of just timekeeping… not writing because I wanted to, or needed to— but because in the same way, it kept happening.
On our planet, turkey is a fruit.
I was told that some have souls
And some do not, less fortunate
But though on high, and not our kind
Some seek to know that is which not
Cries he who is not crowned King,
Though as he sits below, this shrieking—
The King sits silently, knowing
Thinking and rarely is he even speaking;
The King has been Kinged for the Kingdom he's keeping.
Lol did you realize the capitalization in the K's though?
It could be interpreted any of either way.
The poem itself is in the hypocrisy of non movement of the people from the very institutions it detests, In that—
In docile inaction, he who protests such things must, by direct action also seek to change the barriers of the institution in which it is formed, which starts at the foundation in one themselves—
Not simply idealizing a movement, but becoming its motion.
It furthermore alludes to the notion that, the King has become King not simply my lineage but simply acting in opposite regards to the common man.
It insinuates overall, that he who regards himself as a king is also himself a king.
To me this is cruel and unusual punishment
To I it is sweet relief, and a good time
If I indeed prepare to end my life
Strife and poverty, so please
Remember me to think twice
When you greed and heavily
That's why you need a scribe.
Do not describe me as decent,
I recently resent my decent
Into these regions from these Kingdoms
Egregious? perhaps, actually
That and then astonishing
To ponder on such a moment,
Structured in the ruptured structure
DEADMAU5 powers down immidiately upon playing his first song.
(Remember? I was corrupted.)
I've been building a resume
It's too late now to deficit
To recommend your reflection
To make a mess in the kitchen
It's sediment in a mention.
Who did how what when where why?
I idolize my Christ conscious,
Well well. We meet again.
All my references are irrelevant and furnished even
Not a trace of a friend or relative that could manage, even.
My management and dispatch, however—
LIZ LEMON has not had the best day.
It began with finding out she is indeed just a fictional character;
This was confirmed by her review of all seven seasons of the hit series 30 Rock.
Suddenly, as the tapes were concluded, she was handed a mysterious yellow envelope which apparently contained the complex codes needed to return things back to “as normal as possible”— however..
A MAN snatches the envelope out of LIZ LEMON'S HANDS, leaving her stranded in a seemingly off parallel universe where—
Everyone keeps calling her “Tina” and she doesn't know why.
To some, this may confuse—
But I need no more blues;
This jazz was all a ruse.
The life I did not choose
If I told you I owed you a lesson
Would you roll over in this pine box?
I miss mine craft and my socks
Last off, I miss my boss.
What'd you do to Lorne Michaels?
That is not my fault! He was always strange.
She's been leaking pieces of the script online and it must be stopped!
Ooh, whose this blue suit?
They're all wearing blue suits..,
Hey! Hey! Who let you out of the TV?
Oh yeah. Full meltdown mode on the TV screen
And it just kicked in that the mistress is infact invisible and just lives in his head, this deadpan actress bombshell, clever
Pleasurer has all just been
Am I on in another room or something?
And the language can make sense;
It's been a sacred acre, and I guessed
No, I'm serious— it has to end.
So I ran from hell at high speed,
Fell to my death by a rope at the neck
With a hope it would all just stop
If I drop to the bottom with a shot
Of adrenaline and I just don't come up
And I've never had love come back
But my heart's sure to pop
With the bottom floorness.
I need four heads for all my knowledge.
I need a whole box of cops for all these problems
I'd be unstoppable if I could just nod for once
Like I don't have thoughts,
I'm hoping with these supplements
And hoping if it's love enough
I hope if I keep my walls up
Don't get bone out wings!
—You don't know if they're all bird.
Then is this a riddle or a puzzle?
He'll resent the ridicule but surely he'll accept the saddle.
Really, she'll present the message,
Recalling and still spilling all the gruesome gore and images just from before,
The horror core of all the assimilated messages,
The missed inboxes, the just-kept hostages,
It gets welled in, wellness
When there's hell to pay,
Water turns into Welch's.
Is this indirectly feeding my somewhat obsession?
Perhaps; but under the umbrella of “one night only” I must indulge my exorcisms with admittance that I just trust the adjustment for a month's budget of exercise,
Oh look, it's these guys.
THE ACTORS lie down against the cold black floor of the black box theatre. Though the floor has been freshly painted, it also wreaks of dusty velvet curtains and a hint of stale cigarette smoke, which no one seems to know from where this is emanating from.
Visualization exercises are key.
However, here, the actors appear to be conversating with one another
Yo I for real just didn't want to pay the price increase.
And let's just be correct about this,
I need something to watch on the Peloton.
I'm sure the ads will no less than come after me.
Indeed, my fragile mind has been altered, living in between the streams to a TV reality.
Yo apparently there's an “NBC writers program”
Facts are, I'm still under par, and still under Paar, however…
Okay, I'm paying for it, this had better be—
Liz Lemon on the treadmill
Instead of 3, I eat ten meals
I told you you're in a cult!
And these distractions weren't as impulsive
Pull the rug out from under the cat,
It is pertinent, the clause and causability,
The instigations, the Investigation,
The investments, the integration of the information
I close my eye every time I run a mile
When I'm told in my own mind
That today, I'm likely to die
Crying for viable options
You were just scrumptious, dumpling.
Oh there's Nigel Thornberry
Listen now or hold your forever
Cause that's what makes today hard
And may Harvard, but stray far from the Ark
If the Mayflower is trademarked,
Okay, embark on a grey streak,
A slave heart, a wave heat, grave deep
But they weep and may keep secrets if they seek
Weekenders and they leak benders which may think in that he sleeps with her!
I'm not on drugs or having it rough as an alcoholic,
If anything I'm demolishing the impossible when I bought the peacock, acknowledging to all of them the terms and agreement,
from which I see agrees for them to be egregious
And with rights to detail or even possibly derail
These emails into retail;
More people for the Peloton and
I'm prone to losing homes and power to appliances
I rely on false alliances
To try to make my mind a bit
Better, but got behind a bit…
Horse chasing in Manhattan
I can keep up with a horse drawn carriage
But only stopped to catch it,
I've been I memories and giving it the method
Holy fuck I've never been this depressed
From just checking my messages
I regret all these inspections
It just diminished my respect for them—-
Impending doom for the impendium
I'm getting up the strength to ride the Peloton
But mulling over everything I didn't want
This beat is probably hot as balls…
Yo whatever happened to Lin's friend
Who used to beatbox with him?
Long before he entered into Television or with Disney Pixar,
It was way too far back in my memory, and then with this; I think
And nobody will even remember me!
—well, I remember, but barely.
I once rode in a hard dream
And I wrote in a notebook
Colored just like a sports car
You know that I love a corvette
But probably need a corset
Can you sell me a dream and a nightmare at the same time;
It was just custard colored the corvette, or the sound of a songbird, almost purchased my worth to the tune
Of a little bird, canary,
And with every word it's getting scarier
To reverb and reverse not such a curse,
But was a very sequenced strategy to unrehearsed
Reality and as it may, just a game
And nothing short of fame, however
Goddammit what was his name?
I'm gonna be upset if I have to look it up.
Not even relatively, Mr. President
This resident is half my age and every page I turn is just—
The best $7.99 I ever spent
Back to the lonely island
That's what I was writing.
BILL lies on his back eyes wide open with hand over his chest; something isn't right.
Still, here, in the crisp cool of the black box theatre floor, it almost seems that for now—
The demographics are telling;
The tik tocks are dwelling in your mind
As the white collar crimes
And the rhymes you're forgetting—
It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
He's a ghost, he's the reaper
He's the time, he's the Keeper;
He's the push, he's the teacher
The present and the preacher
That's why I shouldnt be here
You cannot live for free here!
Should I just throw you overboard
Here's a proof of purchase
I resoned this whole orchard
But you know, it does show
And pay her under the table
It's that thing where you don't smoke any cigarettes at all, and then you smoke two packs immediately to reverse jumpstart your nicotine tolerance–?
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