This week the therapists dish about the frustration they feel toward their partners who are not as psychologically minded as they are. Iona struggles with Steve sometimes because he doesn’t have the same map that she has about how the most productive conversations unfold.

 

He doesn’t always follow her rules of engagement and that makes her feel like she alone is the keeper of the process of the conversation. Sometimes, without realizing, he can throw a grenade into their conversations just when Iona feels they are getting really productive.

 

Pam struggles in the same way with Eric, but understands that this is both a skill and a gift that has been practiced and honed in us as therapists. Can we really expect that our partners, who are not trained therapists, should have a mutual understanding and see the big picture the same way that we do?  Still, we don’t want to be “stewards of the conversation” without our partners help. The therapists then dive into some basic ideas about what it means to be psychologically minded and psychologically mindful and finally create a wish list for their ‘golden rules of conversation’, hopefully sparking listeners to create their own wish lists with their partners  to increase understanding, decrease conflict and create more intimacy and closeness!