Can people actually change, or do we eventually have to learn how to live with what is? In this episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona let listeners in on their behind-the-scenes process of choosing a topic—then land on one that hits close to home.

Pam opens up about her ongoing struggle to set boundaries with people she loves, and how making slow, incremental changes feels essential before she can fully open herself to a new relationship. Iona, on the other hand, explores a different kind of growth: accepting long-standing patterns in her marriage—like her husband's lack of initiative and tendency to get distracted—and learning how to tolerate those realities without losing herself.

What follows is an intimate mini-therapy session, as Pam gently guides Iona through what happens in her body when she feels triggered, and they unpack the difference between "won't" and "can't," why appreciating the 90% matters, and how grieving unmet hopes can lead to real peace.

Sometimes change isn't about fixing everything—and sometimes, being good enough is enough.

What does it look like when couples therapy actually works? In this special episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona are joined by Dr. Rotem Regev, a certified Emotionally Focused Therapist, to share real stories of couples who did the work—and found their way back to trust, connection, and understanding.

Together, they explore the deeper question underneath most relationship conflicts. Whether couples come in fighting about money, parenting, or in-laws, the core issue is almost always the same: Are you there for me? Can I trust you? Are you emotionally accessible when I need you?

Dr. Regev breaks down why personal accountability is essential to change, how even small shifts in one partner can transform the entire relationship system, and why curiosity and flexibility matter more than being "right." They also discuss why couples who avoid conflict often drift apart—and why fighting, when done with care, can actually bring people closer.

Relationships heal not through perfection, but through compassion, movement, and the courage to show up for each other again and again.

"Narcissist" has become a buzzword—and that can get messy fast. In this episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona aren't diagnosing anyone… but they are digging into narcissistic traits and how they show up in real relationships, from subtle emotional neglect to full-blown "nothing is ever my fault" dynamics.

Iona shares from personal experience—and her graduate school research—about growing up in a covertly narcissistic family system, where self-absorption, emotional abuse, and unmet needs shaped the blueprint for love. Pam opens up about her first relationship with someone who was thin-skinned, validation-hungry, and unable to take responsibility—someone who needed to be right, admired, and centered at all costs.

Together, they explore how people raised in narcissistic family systems often try to fulfill the unmet needs of their childhoods through a partner—and sometimes end up treating that partner exactly the way they were treated growing up. They also unpack the "passion trap": how the intensity of a narcissistic relationship can trick your brain into confusing stress, instability, and emotional chasing with real love.

Healing isn't about finding the perfect person to fill the hole from your past—it's about finally naming the pain, working through it, and learning what healthy intimacy actually feels like.

Is it the big stuff that wears down relationships or the tiny, everyday annoyances? In this fun, honest episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona dish about relationship pet peeves, from minor irritations to major triggers—and even guess what their partners would say drives them crazy.

Pam shares her frustrations "yes, but" responses, reckless driving, and the ever-controversial topic of lying (is a "white lie" ever okay?) Iona opens up about interruptions, feeling unseen at social events, being held to an impossible standard because she's a therapist, and why "ten minutes" rarely means ten minutes.

Along the way, they explore how unspoken resentment builds when we're afraid to express anger, why anger doesn't have to mean yelling, and how emotional maturity often sounds like a simple sentence: "I don't like that—here's what I'd prefer."

At the end of the day, healthy relationships aren't about having no pet peeves; they're about taking responsibility for what you need, what you want, and how you ask for it.

What does it really mean to be emotionally mature—and why is it so damn hard sometimes? In this episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona dive deep into the difference between having big feelings and acting on them.

They unpack how emotional maturity isn't something you automatically get with age; it's something you build through awareness, accountability, and a refusal to keep blaming others for your unhappiness. Iona admits her parents weren't exactly models of maturity, and shares a story about a couple she couldn't help in therapy because they kept reenacting their emotional immaturity right there in session. Pam and Iona also explore how our "freeze" points often trace back to childhood wounds, and why self-righteousness, control, and blame are the biggest traps keeping us stuck.

True emotional maturity means accepting life's hard truths, regulating your own reactions, and remembering that the only thing you can truly change… is you.

Ever long for a deep, loving relationship—then find yourself backing away the moment it gets real? In this relatable episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona unpack the quiet ambivalence that makes so many of us crave intimacy while unconsciously resisting it.

Pam gets candid about her own fears of losing herself in love—how past experiences and a "one-red-flag rule" have kept her from getting too close. Iona shares the story of a client who says he wants a family but keeps choosing unavailable partners.

Together, they explore how early wounds teach us to hide, shrink, or settle—and how healing begins when we stop confusing safety with avoidance.

Because we can't be truly loved until we let ourselves be truly seen.

Gratitude sounds simple, but for many of us, it's complicated. In this deeply honest episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona explore how early emotional wounds can make it hard to feel gratitude, joy, or even trust the good in our lives.

Iona opens up about how her father's emotional unpredictability made her wary of happiness itself—how gratitude once felt unsafe, even dangerous. Over time, a daily gratitude and meditation practice helped her dismantle those defenses and finally let the light in. Pam shares how her own mother created similar barriers, and how she now finds genuine gratitude in small, grounded moments—through nature, interior design, and quiet acts of care.

Together, they examine how gratitude can heal old pain, but also how it can morph into toxic positivity when we use it to deny what's real.

Because true gratitude isn't about forcing joy—it's about feeling safe enough to receive it.

Ever wonder why you're drawn to people who feel a little too familiar? In this revealing episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona unpack how the dynamics we learned from our parents quietly shape who we love—and how we relate.

From Pam's emotionally distant father who lived "neck-up," to Iona's unpredictable, larger-than-life dad whose approval could feel like winning the lottery, both hosts explore how early attachment wounds create blueprints for attraction. Your brain, they explain, is literally wired to seek out what it knows—even if what it knows is dysfunctional.

So how do we stop replaying those old family patterns in our adult relationships? The Dishers dive into why the familiar can feel deceptively safe, how to spot when your trauma is steering the ship, and the essential work of filling your own emotional holes—rather than expecting your partner to.

Because healing starts when we stop asking our lovers to do what our parents couldn't.

It's the Relationship Dish season finale—and Pam and Iona are closing things out with their top 10 best tips for building and maintaining a healthy, connected romantic relationship.

From repairing after a rupture to setting boundaries, from learning to share your deepest feelings to finding joy and fun together, they cover the core practices that make love last. Along the way, they get real about the traps that sabotage intimacy—ego, assumptions, and unspoken resentments—and the small shifts that can open the door to closeness instead.

Whether you're new to the podcast or have been following along all season, this episode is packed with practical wisdom, humor, and heart—a perfect refresher on how to create intimacy, not just conflict resolution, in your most important relationship.

Are you feeding your ego—or your intimacy? In this thought-provoking episode of Relationship Dish, Pam and Iona unpack the subtle but powerful forces that quietly sabotage closeness in relationships.

Drawing on ideas from David Burns's Feeling Good Handbook, they explore how conflict, blame, defensiveness, self-pity, and the need to be "right" can feel addictive—meeting hidden cravings for power, superiority, or even adrenaline—while pushing true intimacy further away.

Iona gets candid about how her traumatic family background once wired her to seek the rush of conflict, while Pam highlights the toxic trap of arrogance and how humility is the antidote. And to lighten things up, Iona shares a laugh-out-loud story about just how competitive she gets when playing Scrabble with her husband.

Because at the end of the day, every couple has to choose: build the fence—or build the intimacy.