A guy just broke a world record for masturbating—nearly 10 hours straight.
And get this: he said he beat his old record. Bro, that’s dedication… and chafing.

Apparently, his girlfriend left him because his member was too big.
Like, imagine being dumped for being overqualified. Don’t we all wish that’s why we got left?

And in other news, Oprah released her list of “things nobody actually needs,”
like glasses that don’t fog up while reading in the shower.
Who the hell is reading in the shower?! If you’re doing that, I don’t think steam’s your biggest problem.

Stay tuned — there’s so much more nonsense where that came from!