We genuinely did not know a color could be that dark. At this point, the government should bottle it, classify it, and use it for national defense.

Also—important medical update—smelling your own farts is actually good for you. Science said so. Probably.

And whatever you do, never eat anything sugar-free before a major life event (weddings, funerals, court dates, space launches), because it will fling open the intestinal gates like Helm’s Deep.

PLUS much more wisdom no one asked for, but everyone desperately needed.