"I belong to my lover, and my lover belongs to me; he feeds among the lilies."
~ Song of Solomon 6:3

Why isn't my sex life going the way I hoped it would?
How do I talk to my spouse about sex after we've gotten into ruts?
Is it possible to have more sex and better sex in our marriage?

In Episode 82 of This Whole Life, Kenna is joined by Vonda Tiede, LMFT and Daniel Merboth to kick off a powerful three-part series on “Holy Sex” in marriage. Together, they dig deep into the “good news” about sex from a faith-filled, psychologically-informed perspective. Through candid conversations, the trio explores the prevalent myths and cultural lies surrounding sex, the harms of "obligation sex", and the importance of mutuality, communication, and healing within intimacy. They highlight how a couple’s sexual relationship reflects God’s creative genius and the need for curiosity and grace—not shame or rigid expectations. With personal stories, practical insights, and a compassionate challenge for listeners to reimagine intimacy, this episode offers hope, encouragement, and a fresh perspective on cultivating joy and connection in marriage. Whether you’re newly married, have been married for years, or want to better support holy marriages, this episode invites you to approach sexuality as a sacred gift of love.

Vonda Tiede is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in Minnesota. Vonda lives outside the Twin Cities of Minnesota with her husband, and together they have 6 children.

Daniel Merboth is currently pursuing a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy degree at the University of Wisconsin-Stout. Daniel lives in Minnesota with his wife and two children.

Episode 82 Show Notes

Chapters:

0:00: Introduction and Highs & Hards
15:17: Falsehood about sex in marriage
26:21: The consequences of "obligation sex"
34:45: Moving from obligation sex to open communication
45:17: It's not just about an orgasm
1:01:50: Challenge By Choice

Reflection Questions:

1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?
2. When and how did you learn to communicate about sex? What were you taught about conversations involving sex?
3. What falsehoods and obstacles keep spouses from being joyfully connected in their sex life?
4. What "great news" about sex did you draw from this episode?
5. How can you move toward greater connection and closeness in your emotional and sexual relationships with your spouse?

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Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.