This Whole Life

"Peace in the heart can lead to peace in the home, which can lead to peace in the world." ~ Fr. Matt Guckin

What if peace is not the absence of war, but the presence of order?

Why do the desires to control, to give our opinion, and to change others steal our peace?

When the storm does not go away, what does clinging to the rock actually change?

In episode 113 of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea sit down with Fr. Matt Guckin, pastor of Our Lady of Mount Carmel in Doylestown, Pennsylvania, and author of the Litany of Peace. They talk about why peace feels so hard to hold in a fallen and violent world, and how to receive the peace that comes from Christ, the Prince of Peace. Fr. Matt entered seminary in 1992, was ordained in 1999, and has served as a pastor, high school educator and chaplain, and Director of Catholic Mission and Identity for the Archdiocese of Philadelphia.

Fr. Matt shares how the Litany of Peace began: a former student, heartbroken after her fiance left her, asked if he had a prayer for peace, and he spent the rest of his retreat naming the dispositions that keep us from it. Drawing on Augustine's definition of peace as the tranquility of order, he explains why anxiety floods in when we try to take God's place, and why naming our disorders specifically is where the work begins.

The conversation gets personal. Fr. Matt talks about caring for his mother through dementia and finding an oasis before the Blessed Sacrament. Kenna reflects on leading seven children toward peace and on what happens when anxiety reaches a fever pitch. Pat asks whether world peace is even possible, and Fr. Matt's answer is to control the controllables, letting go of grudges and the impulse to justify ourselves, so that peace in the heart can lead to peace in the home and the world.

They close with a challenge by choice: when the storms of life close in, ask whether Jesus is your Savior or just one of many teachers, and be willing to pray not only "Jesus, take the wheel" but "Jesus, save me." Fr. Matt then leads Pat and Kenna through the full Litany of Peace.

This episode is for anyone who has lost their peace to worry, control, or the news, and wants a way back.

Episode 113 Show Notes

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Cold Open
• (00:26) - Welcome, Meet Fr. Matt Guckin, and Highs and Hards
• (14:40) - The Story Behind the Litany of Peace
• (25:13) - Augustine and the Tranquility of Order
• (29:14) - Losing Peace and Finding It Again
• (39:26) - Is Peace Possible in a Violent World?
• (45:53) - Holy People and Clinging to the Rock
• (55:01) - Challenge by Choice and the Litany of Peace

Links and Resources:

• Litany of Peace by Fr. Matt Guckin
• Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Jacques Philippe
• The Way of Trust and Love by Jacques Philippe
• The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
• Litany of Trust by Sr. Faustina Maria Pia

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

The honeymoon period never lasts forever. But it's nice when it lasts at least to the end of the honeymoon...

Pat & Kenna share stories from their honeymoon that didn't go exactly to plan.

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

"The point of mental health, the whole thrust of it, is not just to be at peace alone in a vacuum. It's to be in connection with the people and the God that I'm related to."
~ Pat Millea

• Why can't mental health professionals agree on what mental health is?
• Why is the goal of mental health care not a life without discomfort?
• If you're struggling, do you need more prayer, a therapist, or both?

In episode 112 of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea go back to the basics and answer the question underneath nearly every conversation they have: what do we actually mean by mental health? They start with why it is harder than it sounds. Ask 100 mental health professionals and you might get 100 answers, because defining mental health is really asking what it means to be human and what God intends for us.

Pat and Kenna then walk through the four-part definition they have developed at the Martin Center for Integration: mental health is using the mind and body, to accurately perceive reality, to respond to stressors and changes, in order to be in a loving relationship with God, self, and others. They bring each part down to earth, from how hunger and exhaustion change your mood, to checking a frustrating text message with someone you trust, to responding to a new season of family life with agency instead of reacting. And they explain why the goal of mental health care is not comfort, but a life that can be poured out in self-gift.

From there they name three extremes that take a seed of truth too far. Diminishing mental health says "toughen up" and skips the help people need. Exaggerating it treats mental health as the only real problem, and can turn its vocabulary into a trump card. Hyper-spiritualizing it says "you don't need a therapist, you need more hours in adoration." Pat explains why God ordinarily heals through other people, why healing does not always mean cured, and closes with a challenge by choice: where do you land on the triangle, and what is one step toward the middle?

This episode is for anyone who has wondered what mental health actually means, or whether faith and therapy are supposed to compete.

Episode 112 Show Notes

Reflection Questions

Chapters:

• (00:35) - Welcome
• (21:38) - Why We Need a Definition of Mental Health
• (28:00) - The Four-Part Definition of Mental Health
• (44:29) - The Triangle of Extremes: Diminishing and Exaggerating
• (52:35) - Hyper-Spiritualizing Mental Health
• (57:15) - Challenge by Choice and Closing Prayer

Links and Resources:

• Millennials Aren't Really That Manly. Zoltan Kaszas - https://youtu.be/Bx5B7q2JP2Q?si=mN5pRnhCI1wZO0yo
• Episode 107 with Chase Crouse on physical health and mental health - https://youtu.be/n3C5nbWvobs?si=WkHxS5ZMIpKn5YzY
• Ep99 Talking to Your Kids About Sex | Dr. Julia Sadusky - https://youtu.be/3kGFA8so8po?si=b5vNsjsjRiIakPyB
• Ep67 Gender Identity & Gender Dysphoria w/ Dr. Julia Sadusky - https://youtu.be/Zf-XHBCBKng?si=ZvjuOBq0qiihAk44

Support the show

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Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

Marriage is a gift, and not just for the birthdays, Christmases, and highlights. God has given us our spouse for the depths of suffering, too.

Pat reflects on his role in the deaths of three of Kenna's family members back in 2021, and the various ways he supported her in the hardest moments.

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

"He's the perfect image of grief, in the sense of accepting, embracing, expressing the emotional sadness, and also having full trust and hope in the resurrection." ~ Pat Millea

Why do grief "stages" set people up to feel like they're doing it wrong?

Is it okay to be angry with God after a loss?

What does Jesus losing himself in grief at Lazarus's tomb teach us about grieving well?

In this episode of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea talk about what it means to grieve and how to grieve well. They start by naming grief for what it actually is: both an emotional and physical response to loss, whether that loss is big or small, sudden or anticipated, a person, a relationship, or a season of life.

Kenna pushes back on the popular idea of fixed "stages" of grief, offering instead what she calls states of grief, not a staircase that only moves one direction, but a spiral staircase that circles back around. Pat and Kenna also open up about their own experiences of loss, including Kenna's reflections on A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and what it taught her about grieving with faith instead of around it.

The conversation turns honest about anger, including anger at God, and why that anger and real hope in the resurrection are not mutually exclusive. Pat points to Jesus weeping at the tomb of Lazarus, even knowing he was about to raise him from the dead, as the model for what it looks like to hold both grief and hope at the same time.

This episode is for anyone who has grieved a person, a relationship, or a season of life, and wondered if they were doing it right.

Episode 111 Show Notes

Reflection Questions

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Cold Open: "And Jesus Wept"
• (00:30) - Welcome & Today's Topic: Grief
• (02:25) - Highs and Hards
• (09:33) - What Grief Actually Is (And Why It Isn't Linear)
• (18:58) - C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed," and Kenna's Own Story
• (34:23) - The Spiral Staircase: States, Not Stages, of Grief
• (44:19) - Is It Okay to Be Angry With God?
• (52:22) - Challenge by Choice & Closing Prayer

Links and Resources:

• A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
• John 11 (Jesus weeps at the tomb of Lazarus)
• Romans 8:28

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

Sometimes God sends angels to save your life. And to let you watch the Super Bowl.

Manny Huerta is back for another Storytellers!

Support the show

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

"When you throw in the idea of self-care, that makes a lot of Christian people cringe and run away, because what it sounds like is self-interest, self-indulgence, and pride." ~ Pat Millea

• Is wanting rest actually a form of pride, or is refusing rest the real problem?
• What does the prophet Elijah, collapsed under a tree and praying for death, have to teach us about rest and mission?
• Where's the actual line between self-care and self-indulgence?

In this episode of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea tackle a topic that makes a lot of faithful Christians uneasy: self-care. They name the tension head-on, if love means seeking the good of the other, why would seeking your own good ever be justified? From there they work through the common cultural misuses of self-care before proposing a clearly Catholic definition: self-care is seeking out the renewal, recreation, and refreshment we need in order to return to our duties with greater love, freedom, and generosity, not an end in itself.

Pat brings two scriptural examples to ground the conversation, including a deep dive into 1 Kings 19, where the prophet Elijah, exhausted and afraid after his showdown with the prophets of Baal, flees into the wilderness and prays for death. God's response isn't a rebuke. It's food, rest, and eventually a face-to-face encounter that sends him back to his mission renewed. Pat and Kenna use that story to draw out the real dividing line between self-indulgence and the kind of self-care that actually serves love.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt guilty for needing rest, or wondered if taking care of themselves is somehow in conflict with taking care of everyone else.

Episode 110 Show Notes

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Cold Open 
• (00:29) - Welcome, Where in the World, and a Movie Trivia Game 
• (22:17) - Naming the Tension: Does Self-Care Sound Like Pride? 
• (28:16) - A Catholic Definition of Self-Care 
• (34:27) - Elijah in the Wilderness: 1 Kings 19 
• (39:52) - Self-Care as Return to Mission 
• (54:59) - Challenge by Choice and Closing Prayer

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

When you took your college visit, did you know what that college was located?

Pat & Kenna take a look back in this Storytellers!

Support the show

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

"There is always, always hope in any marriage, and I mean any marriage." ~ Pat Millea

• Is it actually okay for a Catholic couple, even ones who work in mental health, to go to marriage counseling?
• Why might your spouse asking to talk about feelings not be a criticism of who you are?
• Does having a sacramental marriage, or being married to a therapist, guarantee a happy relationship?

In episode 109 of This Whole Life, Pat Millea flies solo (Kenna's swamped with back to school season) to share seven honest lessons he's learned from being married to a licensed marriage and family therapist. He opens by naming the assumption listeners might be making, that their marriage is easy because of what they do for a living, and admits there were genuinely difficult years in their relationship, including the moment Kenna first asked him to go to marriage counseling, which felt to him like being punched in the face.

From there, Pat walks through what he's learned since: that going to therapy is not a sign of failure, how naming an unspoken parent-child dynamic in their marriage changed how they related to each other, why learning to identify and voice his own emotions took years of practice, and how a simple, almost corny script helped them break out of a painful conflict cycle they'd repeated for years.

He closes with two of the most important lessons: that neither the sacrament of marriage nor a degree in therapy automatically produces a great relationship, since every marriage takes real, ongoing work, and that no marriage, no matter how far gone it feels, is beyond hope.

This episode is for anyone who has ever assumed marriage should get easier once you know what you're doing, or anyone quietly wondering if going to counseling means something is wrong with them.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Cold Open
• (00:29) - Welcome, High and Hard, and Their Marriage Timeline
• (12:06) - Lesson 1: It Is Okay to Go to Therapy
• (15:11) - Lesson 2: Naming the Parent-Child Dynamic
• (21:52) - Lesson 3: Learning Emotional Attunement and the Feelings Wheel
• (26:49) - Lesson 4: Sidestepping the Dance Before It Starts
• (32:02) - Lesson 5: Sacraments and Therapy Are Not Magic Tricks
• (35:03) - Lessons 6 and 7, Challenge by Choice, and Closing Prayer

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

"I need you to have this baby literally anywhere else." 😂

Storytellers is back with a story that Kenna remembers the details of far better than Pat does.

Support the show

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.