Zhou Yu devises yet again scheme to take Jing Province, because he’s a glutton for punishment.

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Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 69.

Last time, we left off with Cao Cao celebrating the completion of construction on his pleasure palace, the Bronze Bird Tower, by throwing a huge party. At this party, he held an archery competition among his officers, with the winner taking home a fancy battle cloak. A bunch of his generals showed off their skills, but one, Xu Huang, appeared to have won the cloak by shooting the branch from which the cloak hanged.

Cao Cao was just about ready to declare Xu Huang the winner, and Xu Huang assumed as much because he had already grabbed the cloak. But just then, another general, Xu (2) Chu (3), rode forward and yelled, “Where are you going with that cloak?! Leave it for me, now!”

“The cloak is mine; why are you trying to take it by force?!” Xu Huang asked.

Xu Chu didn’t even bother to answer. He just galloped toward Xu Huang and tried to wrestle the cloak away, forgetting the whole concept of an archery competition, where you actually have to, you know, shoot an arrow and hit something before you can claim the prize.

When the two got close enough, Xu Huang raised his bow and tried to hit Xu Chu, but Xu Chu grabbed the bow with one hand and pulled Xu Huang from his saddle. Xu Huang quickly let go of the bow and leaped off his horse. Xu Chu did likewise, and the two of them started to engage in some good ol’ fashioned fisticuffs. Cao Cao quickly told his men to separate the two, but by then, the cloak had already been torn to smithereens. So, way to go, guys.

Cao Cao summoned both generals to the upper tier of the tower where he sat. Both of them were looking royally pissed off at each other and were itching to go at it again. Cao Cao, however, smiled and said, “My aim in holding the contest was to witness your prowess. What is a mere cloak worth?”

So he summoned all of his officers up to the tower and bestowed upon each of them a bolt of fine silk from the Riverlands, a region known for its silk. The music and merrymaking then kicked off as military and civil officials took turns offering toasts.

 

Cao Cao now said to the civil officials, “The military officers have showed off their skills through their riding and archery. You gentlemen are all learned scholars. Since you are all gathered here, why don’t you each write a piece to commemorate this occasion?”

So all the civil officials fetched ink and brush and each composed an essay on the spot. This kind of impromptu essay-writing was the kind of thing that Chinese scholarship and imperial entrance exams were made of, so these guys were in their element. Soon, Cao Cao was presented with one essay after another, most of which praised his accomplishments and virtue to the hilt and hinted that he should maybe, you know, accept the mandate of heaven and take the throne for himself.

After reading all the essays, Cao Cao smiled and said, “Sirs, you heap too much praise upon me. I am but a simple and crude man. When I began my career, I was cited for my filial devotion and integrity. Then, when chaos engulfed the realm, I built a retreat about 15 miles east of the fief at Qiao (2), with the intention of spending my springs and summers reading and my falls and winters hunting,