—Bringin' da hood up in da house! Jasmine Crockett, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Marjorie Taylor Greene have a bitch throw-down in the House and we're gonna call it like a baseball game.

-Race 2 Retardation: a 23-year-old black Marine from Maine was arrested and charged with attempted murder after law enforcement discovered his plans. The suspect's notes described a years-long plan to collect high-powered guns and mow down as many white people as possible at a gym or a grocery store. Also, three white teens won a lawsuit against their Bay Area high school that expelled them for wearing an acne face mask, which the school called "blackface."

-Potpourri du Moquerie! We've got German politicians licking urinals on video, beached female whales on the cover of Sports Illustrated, born-of-a-jackal trans demon girls who can't name parts of speech, and histrionic homos too dumb to figure out that their "two moms" sleep in the same bed because they're lesbians. Allons y!

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