I really prayed on what story to share today. As I prayed, I kept feeling pulled to the story of Sarah. As soon as God told me who, I knew exactly what I was to share about her. It’s not just any part of her story, but a part that nobody talks about. So as I went back to refresh myself on the details, all I could think was…. Sarah lived through things many women have lived through. Shame, confusion, and (very likely) a sense of inadequacy.

Before I jump right into her story, I’ll piece in a little of my own. I think it’s important to understanding why I read Sarah’s story and saw things in it that might be overlooked by others. Let me explain… I’ve made reference (in past episodes) to a season of my life that was full of heaviness. Though I don’t like to dwell, I do like to hold onto the reminder that that season grew me in important ways. Along with that growth, though, came a lot of wounding. Some of the wounds were consequences of my own actions, but some were also out of my control. I think that’s a hard truth many people live with today. The understanding that we could have made better choices or avoided situations that ultimately hurt us. But I also think there can be a lot of confusion around circumstances out of our control.. and that nagging notion that maybe, just maybe, there was something we could have done to avoid those life-impacting wounds.

For me, a choice I made was to be in a relationship with someone I knew wasn’t right for me. Before long, I felt isolated and trapped in an abusive situation. I didn’t know how to escape. It felt far from my own control. It went on for years before I found the courage to remove myself. And before I started doing a lot of healing work with the Lord, that season held a lot of shame. There was grief, and anger, and resentment, but mostly, there was a heavy sense of shame that I let it happen or even let it continue.

Now, because I DO have firsthand experience, I can say with all sincerity that those feelings of guilt, shame, or inadequacy are ones that satan loves to wield against us. If we let him.

Thankfully, for me, God led me out of that season. Like coming out of a black tunnel by following a pinprick of light that got bigger as I drew closer to it… He pulled me out of it with a knowing that He wanted more for me. I’m so grateful for that. And I’m grateful for those who prayed over my heart during that time. And even though I was able to come out of it with renewed strength in Christ, I can also see how people could hold onto those wounds for years. Grasping in the dark for the ‘why’. Wrestling with feelings of worthlessness. Unknowingly letting the enemy keep them in the dark, whispering “you did this to yourself” or “nobody will love someone as broken as you”. I could see how the enemy would do his best to use every one of these lies against someone to keep them from their calling.

I’m not saying I didn’t wrestle with these thoughts on occasion, but what I did have was a foundation on the one true God. He was the one wrapping me in light and whispering the truth of who HE said I was to combat the lies… So today, I wanted to do the same for anyone out there who has yet to escape the darkness of their own past. I hope and pray the story of Sarah will be just the reminder you need..

As I reflect on her life and the way God chose her and used her anyway, I’m reminded how much more He can use those of us who have also felt trapped by the past. By feelings the enemy brings up over and over again to try to keep you from answering God’s call. So today, I want to encourage you. God’s grace cover’s shame, and His love redeems and restores your story. Surrender those wounds to him and walk in the freedom He offers….

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