You’re gonna love it—the guitar does this “Wheeee!” thing while the drums go all “Chukka chukka booda booda.” OK, here it comes. Shhhh!

No wait, that’s not it. Almost there, just after this last chorus. Seriously, I think you’re going to love the song once you’ve heard this part. What’s that, little guy? No, Daddy’s playing his new favorite song for Mommy, so if you could go over there and wait for us. Quietly. Thanks!

Huh? Sure, I don’t care what we have for dinner. But wait, you’re gonna miss the—

…

JESUS. You just made me talk over the good part. GODDAMMIT.

No, it’s OK, whatever. I’m not going to rewind. Really, it’s NO BIG DEAL. It’s not a big, no…it’s really not a problem. It’s cool. I’ll play it for you later.

Pizza sounds fine.

Also covered: the business of High School scared-straight-for-Jesus groups, and our entry into that lucrative space: “The Drain Circlers.” We’re available for all auditorium-based school events.