Espresso

By Benedict PolizziComedy

Espresso episodes

June 11 Faking A Miscarriage (Things u never told ur ex)
You ever eat 3 dry Taco Bell cantina bowls on the side of the road with your hazard lights on? U ever lock eyes with ur gf's fully naked 73 year old dad on all fours? Me neither 👀 We try to figure out why German chocolate cake looks like baby throw up and how using Grand Theft Auto cheat codes are the only way to satisfy your girl. Oh hey we know you pee in public locker room showers just admit it. P.S. if the top of ur gf's head doesn't smell exactly like a fresh pot of Velveeta macaroni she's not ur gf 🧀
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https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
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1 hr 13 min
May 28 Olive Garden Bread Bowls (Inventions) Espresso Pod 421
Killing thousands of mad guests on Rollercoaster Tycoon and installing a functioning toilet directly into your car passenger seat? Sounds like a spress pod to me babe. We’re ending our lives over Olive Garden refusing to make garlic bread bowls and why can’t we pull up to an AMC theater to watch the super bowl? One sec i’m scheduling a robot to walk my dog at 1:30pm🦮
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Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
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1 hr 10 min
May 14 Seth Rogen is a bad actor (Done Pretending) | Espresso Pod 419
Air hockeying nuts into a kid's mouth at the lunch table and screaming at your coworker's dog is just what happens when you finally stop pretending. We realize putting Pop-Tarts in the freezer is a crime against humanity and throwing down a five dollar bill for Little Caesars pizza is the ultimate flex. Stop acting like you don’t sneak 8 leftover donuts from your car after a first date and blast divorced dad rock otw home
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Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
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TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS
0:00 - Intro
3:24 - Fruit punch is the worst flavor
8:08 - Air hockeying nuts into a kid's mouth
9:35 - Putting Pop-Tarts in the freezer
13:11 - Done pretending about hockey games
20:41 - Fast food limited time items
32:33 - Seth Rogen is not a good actor
33:14 - The zig zag hair part
39:20 - Asking how is everything
45:02 - Pretending to care about your dog
52:30 - Quitting your eighth grade math job
57:28 - Glazing divorced dad rock
59:44 - Apple watch rings and running stats
1:08:05 - Ozempic weight loss shortcuts
1:12:10 - Little Caesars is the best pizza
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1 hr 33 min
April 30 answering the phone as a sex shop employee (What's Your Bit?)
Taking football snaps underneath the lowest object possible and telling customer service reps u love them is how you commit to the bit. Stop acting like you don't spam Monster Mash seventeen times on tuchtunes at the bar while secretly pretending to be a sex shop employee on phone calls with your boys.
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Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
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TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS
0:00 - Intro
4:01 - What is your bit
7:54 - Screaming is that a beer
9:46 - Blaming farts on the dog
16:07 - Cracking on people with your boys
19:44 - Public property fridge leftovers
30:33 - Big shoes Kevin at the gym
32:35 - Taking football snaps anywhere
45:44 - The sex shop employee phone pitch
50:26 - Chips and salsa at the Italian restaurant
53:50 - Stealing raisins after the salt trick
54:39 - Spamming Monster Mash on TouchTunes
1:02:11 - Saying mine as well ironically
1:13:16 - The McDonald's parfait calorie scam
1:17:01 - Holding hands at Catholic church
1 hr 29 min
April 16 Locked In On Caitlin Clark (Hear Me Out)
Eating ground turkey birthday dog food and sucking the ink out of a gold gel pen is exactly what happens when you get completely faded on a Tuesday. We are losing our minds over why having a baby with Caitlin Clark is strictly a business decision and how sleeping in a water bed is the ultimate flex. P.S. I'm tired of acting like circus peanuts don't absolutely slap😘
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Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
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TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS
0:00 - Intro
1:16 - Fboy Island and Patreon
2:53 - What is your hear me out
6:41 - The jelly donut agenda
8:06 - Cooking birthday dog food
11:12 - Patio furniture in the living room
12:36 - Fumbling the eighth grade aim voicemail
16:52 - Sleeping in a Murphy bed
20:51 - Crushing Cheetos into a PB and J
31:33 - Circus peanuts and black licorice
43:42 - Fox McCloud from Super Mario Galaxy
46:30 - Aggressive foxes as house pets
54:53 - Local news weather girls
59:40 - Yellow mustard on avocados
1:03:53 - Stale chips are better than fresh
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1 hr 27 min
April 02 thing ur ex did that u liked?
Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
1 hr 9 min
March 19 what's ur last meal?
Planning out your last meal on Earth gets completely cooked when you realize crumbling a Kraft single over a sloppy joe is the ultimate flex. We are crashing out over girls complaining about tomato texture while drinking boba tea and why taking a girl in heels to Benihana is a massive fumble. Stop acting like you didn't drink cold Chef Boyardee ravioli straight from the can in your childhood garage.
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Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
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TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS
0:00 - Intro
3:10 - What's ur last meal on Earth
6:45 - The Crumbl cookie delivery scam
9:15 - Using lactose intolerance as a weapon of war
14:30 - McDonald's sausage biscuits with grape jelly
20:15 - Cookie cake lasagna and the butt of the bread
26:40 - Girls complaining about tomato texture
31:20 - Dying from frozen cookie dough in the garage
38:50 - Choking on three cinnamon donut holes
46:10 - Six Flags fits and King's Island hype
51:30 - Taking a girl in heels to Benihana
55:45 - Putting a Kraft single on a sloppy joe
1:01:20 - Drinking Chef Boyardee ravioli from the can
1:04:15 - Proposals in the woods are completely staged
1 hr 32 min
March 05 what had the biggest come up?
Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
1 hr 33 min
February 20 what are u asking at the gates of heaven?
Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
1 hr 23 min
February 05 what's the show you miss?
Send this to your homies to support the pod!
https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi
☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/
💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX
🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/
1 hr 25 min

About Espresso

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Stand Up Comedian Benedict Polizzi gives listeners horrendous advice

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Espresso

Espresso episodes

About Espresso