Essential Stepmom Podcast

This is about your stepmom tribe, your dream team, your support network. We're going to design your very own dream team on this episode and by the end you'll know exactly who your team members are, where they're hiding and how to get exactly what you need from them.

Here are links for the resources I mentioned in this episode:

Nacho Kids Academy

Susan Stiffelman

Essential Stepmom Session Groups - book a call with me here to find the right group for you.

My guest Maarit Miller created and published a version of the Disengaging Essay that made it famous in the stepmom world. You can read it on Maarit's blog, Blended Family Frappe.

I'll be taking a break for the next while as I focus on helping the participants in Stepmom Success Lab. There's still room for you there too - come and join us and be supported with a small community of women who are learning the stepmom ropes right alongside you. Start feeling more relaxed and confident ASAP! Get all the info here:

STEPMOM SUCCESS LAB

Shannon Bally is the host of a podcast called The Bumpcast. Her life so far includes having 4 children and 3 stepmoms. Her husband is stepdad to her oldest 2 children and she can speak to what it looks like as a bio mom when the kids come back from visiting dad!

Here's a link for Shannon's podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-bumpcast/id1412697251

There's just one more episode this season - don't miss Maarit Miller talking about her part in making the Disengaging Essay available to stepmoms so they can make the changes that really help their whole family relate better to each other.

After next week, I'll be on a break until mid-October so I can focus on the women in my Stepmom Success Lab program. You can still be one of them! Check it out at training.essentialstepmom.com

This episode is about peer support and peer advice, and how to know when to take advice from a stranger. What does that have to do with sharing cookies?

You can get loads of first-rate, trustworthy parenting tips from Patty Wipfler and her colleagues at Hand In Hand Parenting

Connect with me anytime at [email protected]

Dr. Stacy is a Clinical Psychologist in private practise in Toronto, Canada. She specializes in helping women manage the emotional challenges of infertility.

Her free guided journal is available at 

http://growingforwardjournal

Learn more about Stepmom Success Lab, my 6-week turbo-training program for women who want to quickly fill in the important blanks in their own knowledge about parenting, step-parenting and step-family life at training.essentialstepmom.com

Connect with me at i[email protected]

This final episode of my 3-part series on Parental Alienation is about how to support yourself and your partner to weather the emotional wear and tear of this kind of situation.

Please rate us on iTunes so other stepmoms can find us and listen along with you!

EssentialStepmom Podcast on iTunes

Here's my free Gratitude Journal template - join my email community and it will be sent right to your inbox! 

http://tracypoizner.lpages.co/gratitude-journal

Stepmom Success Lab is my 6-week turbo program to help you quickly and painlessly fill in the gaps in your knowledge about parenting, step-parenting and step-family life. Launching for the fourth time on September 1st - EARLY PRICING AVAILABLE NOW! Take a peek here:

Stepmom Success Lab

 Connect with me and submit your questions at [email protected]

Kim Wilson describes her experience being completely alienated from her mother from age 1 to age 7, and the effect this had on her future relationships. I find it incredibly helpful to hear from adults who lived through this because they can explain to us what it felt like and how it resolved for them. My research - a survey of over 200 women who reported being alienated as children - confirms that the vast majority of kids eventually seek out the erased parent and enjoy a deeper relationship with that parent than they have with the one who controlled them.

My website is http://essentialstepmom.com, and you'll find my blog there and other stepmom-related resources.

Parental Alienation might be the most difficult challenge a step-family can face. Here are 10 practical tips for helping things along. In the next episode, we'll talk about what to say to the kids, what not to say, and how to help them express whatever they may be feeling.

Stepmom Success Lab is starting again on September 1, 2019! Listen to the course modules at your own pace, use the workbook to solidify your learning, and let me help you adapt the techniques to suit your unique situation in our live video Q&A sessions. Here's the link to learn more:

tracypoizner.lpages.co/success-lab

The loyalty bind, or loyalty conflict as it's sometimes known, is possibly the most insidious barrier to a healthy relationship between a stepmom and her partner's children. It's not always noticeable at the start of a new family and it can become a problem at any time, even years down the road. Its very hard to help by giving love, when the problem is that the child can't allow him or herself to love you back!

2. It's not about you! A true loyalty bind is about the child not being able to figure out how to reciprocate your love without feeling bad inside.

3. We're not wired to have two moms at the same time (no reference to same-sex parents!). Be aware of overstepping as a "mom".

4. Choose another avatar or persona. You can be loved as an auntie or a friend's mom instead of rejected as a "bonus" mom.

5. Click here for my blog on that topic or visit http://essentialstepmom.com/blog/6-ways-to-be-a-stepmother-who-is-not-a-mom.html

6. Give more space to dad to fill their need for connection.

7. Let them choose how to show affection - propose alternate gestures like a special handshake to stand in for hugging.

8. Give it time, expect it to reappear. Recognize this vulnerable place in the child and respect it.

Please help other stepmoms to find this show by rating us on iTunes. I welcome questions from listeners and I'll be glad to address them ANONYMOUSLY of course, on a future episode! You can send an email to me at [email protected]

Awareness, Acknowledgement, Acceptance. How do these apply to your step-parenting journey, and why are they important?

I think they're all that's between you and the dreaded "70%" - the tragic majority of stepmoms who don't make it, whose families can't withstand the pressures and challenges and whose stepfamilies dissolve. 

If you'd like to try out my free Gratitude Journal template, you can get it here:

If you're listening on iTunes or Apple podcasts and you enjoyed this, please rate us there and help other stepmoms to find us!