E.T.B.R.

Don’t think showing back where I am, thinking I forgot what you did. It’s not my problem that the guilt is eating you alive, maybe you should have thought twice. I am not in the mood to forgive you right now. It would be in your best interest to stay away from me. Not only did you break my confidentiality, you shared it with the world. So yes, I’m pissed, the punishment you got, you deserve. Even months later it still burns. This is about the both of you breaking laws. This goes beyond just your typical bully who doesn’t know how to handle their jealousy. Rusting my sparkle was goal, which blew up in your face. I’m doing better, while healing and you are living in misery. Maybe you learned now how to keep your mouth shut. Being the loud one gets you nowhere but in trouble, While the quiet one has nothing to hide. 

Some people can't stand to see the individuals who are winning, they run to who is winning. Keep that smile on your face, keep spreading the light. Everything done in the dark will come to the light. I realized being an adult is like high school 2.0. Some people haven't grown past high school, while others are beyond their age. No storm lasts forever, it's okay to be angry for a little while, but eventually, you'll see the wisdom in it. Funny how life can teach very important lessons while keeping you patient. 

 I always let a situation play out before I speak. I didn’t need to defend myself because I had nothing to hide. People who constantly talk expose themselves. I am a private person, but I do share the lessons I learned because no one should go through this. People who think they can break the person who makes them jealous, only ends up breaking themselves. I sit back and watch the show and they get mad because I don’t show how I feel at that moment. I learned being calm proves you have nothing to hide. Later on I will let it out, but during those moments I just remain calm. I have been through this so many times before it’s something you grow a custom to. You know it will hurt, but you also know it will end and you will be proven innocent like all the other times

I don’t show reactions anymore, I climbed mountains. I dedicated myself to work towards my goals and what I wanted in life. The hall of fame and world knowing my name is knowing I never gave up. The champion is knowing when it got tough, you never once gave up. Out there listening is knowing I had good intentions and everything had to happen the way it did, for me to be where I am today. I am not changing myself or my personality because your lies got exposed. I chose to move with grace and to remain humble. This new era doesn’t involve my past, my past is what brought me here today.

No one tells you that many battles you go through, you will face it alone especially your health. No one will ever understand your pain. No one will ever understand your circumstances. You are on your own. There isn’t anyone you can open up to. Realizing with certain situations that you are on your own, can be scary, but it also gives you strength. You know you have been here before, and you will get through it. Some parts will be painful, but it will eventually fade. The storm you thought won’t pass, it passed. You are stronger and wiser, and you understand what it feels like to be alone. You are not alone, when your story can inspire others to share theirs. 

One of the most painful holidays, people you use to know. The ones you used to be close to, you would rather burn slow. All you reminded of is the hell that they caused you. Don’t act like you know me, don’t even tell them that you know me. I would rather die slow, to even know once upon of time I was related to you. Please don’t call me, you don’t even know me at all.  A cover of kindness to hide your heart that is full of hate. I would rather hurt forever, to even know you or see you again. A holiday that is full of cheer and thankfulness, is a holiday you wish to escape. Thankful for Jesus being born, but wish you never existed in this persons life.  Home is not home,   you are forever locked out.  No key can be made to unlock the door that you use to go through from your past.  The past has been forever   destroyed. Your dad, his family, three brothers, husband and his family is all that you have left, plus a few friends. The ones in your contacts are the only ones who matter to you. The ones not mentioned only call for money, or to cause more drama. Enough is enough, you only cared about yourself.   God saved me in my darkest of times, and the ones I did mention is all who I have left. A holiday I always loved, is now one of the most painful holidays for me. Merry Christmas, each year I heal even more, but there will always be a scar. 

Not only did it happen once, it happened twice two individuals breaking your confidentiality without your permission. You thought I would be angry or take extreme measures for it to never happen again. Both of you were in the medical field, you should know what violating HIPPA means? Let’s get to the point you didn’t care. You only care now because you lost your job and credibility. You can never be trusted ever again. You play the victim and blame others for your own doings, but you were a lying traitor who can be trusted ever again. You got what you deserve, I won’t be letting this go anytime soon. 

All I gave you is gone, nothing could replace this moment. Walking on egg shells each moment was testing your anger. Getting mad over the smallest of things, it all fell down. Nothing would never change or make you proud or happy. Taking credit for what I did or saying if it wasn’t for you. Always being brought up when the subject had nothing to do with me. Getting it from all sides, just keep my name out of your mouth. I never once spoke shit about you or disrespected you, but that only gave you another reason to disrespect me. Cutting ties from family members would be hardest thing any human would have to do. Moving forward with only yourself, they will always believe lies. While you tried your best for them to see the truth that they refuse to see. I gave all my pieces of myself that are not only missing but can never be replaced.

Your intuition will let you know when something is up, it will be that feeling. You will find your way back home, you have some missteps but life will set you on the right track. When you get lost you will always be found. None of us are lost forever. I realized as you get older the brighter you become, the light becomes brighter. Don't be afraid to take that step, that leap, you got this. Your intuition will let you know if it's right or not. I know a lot of us to feel lost and empty, it's okay sometimes it takes a while to figure everything out.

Through the pain, anger and tears I am not the one who is insecure or stupid. I chose to remain silent and let God do the work. People will reap what they sowed. You can’t be nice but treat people like trash, it doesn’t work that way. Karma will come back twice as hard. You will get what you deserve. If you can’t keep what someone told you confidential, because it’s breaking confidentiality. Then you have no business being a doctor, because if you break HIPPA you will have a lawsuit filled against you. I am in the grounds where I could file lawsuit for everyone involved, but I chose not to because the right actions were made. Being in insecure will only cause more problems for yourself, there is something within yourself that you don’t like or you are mad about something, but you chose to take that anger out on everyone else. Now you are paying the price for the actions you took.