Shalaka's Eulogy

Jin's Eulogy

Thank you all for coming out and please keep that energy going for our guest speaker, the voice of Sadness from Inside Out, it’s Phyllis Smith!

Phyllis Smith: As the voice of sadness, I can confidently say I am the perfect act for this gig. 

It’s a tragedy to lose such a young comedian at age 85

He was known to hate birthdays, often saying ‘why don’t we celebrate the moms?’  

They’re the ones who put in the work. 

When you were born all you did was scream and cry, birthdays are so stupid

On his deathbed, he revealed to me that his whole ‘I hate birthdays thing’ was a defense mechanism because he was worried no one would wish him.

Even though he shares a birthday with icons such as Chairman Mao.

So to ensure that everyone remembers his day of departure, we’re gonna put the ‘fun’ in funeral. 

Look under your seats, that’s right, goodie bags for everybody. 

Take out the stuff, what do we have? 

That’s right, airline vouchers for everyone plus free tickets to see Soulja Boy live in concert. 

I can see his 12 children panicking.

Yep he used all his savings on the budget for this ‘fun’ - eral. 

He left no will to youuuuuuuu.

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David's Eulogy

Here he is. Made it to the end finally. Probably later than most people expected. Tends to be the case.

I wonder what state you ended up in. There are certainly things I hoped happened and likely so many other things that I couldn't have possibly guessed.

Hopefully you ended up happy with things. Periodically, if not consistently. Things have a way of working themselves out. You always said that.

I hope you worked out ways of getting the things you wanted, without hurting others on the way. No doubt you collected a lot of people and things on the way. I'm sure you would be surprised by the number of those that showed up.

Overall the main thing is that it's done now. No need to worry anymore. If there were things left to do it doesn't matter. It never really did anyway. You might well have driven yourself crazy thinking it did. Nothing ever meant anything, nor will it. This is a good thing. Anyways. Onwards and upwards big man

Listen/Watch ⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠

Hajar's Eulogy

Hajar died as she lived. With potential – and still clutching her phone.

A naturally gifted singer, writer and funny woman, she could have been many things had she picked one path and persevered. She could have been a singer, had she learnt music theory and practised from an early age. She could have been an author – had she finished even one of her four draft novels. She could have been a millionaire, had she realised she had ADHD sooner and doped herself into being a highly driven corporate bitch. She never quite made it as a comedian, and her debut hour remained a 45-minute work-in-progress with a few half-written songs, but we’ve seen some of the clips, and… they’re fine. Definite potential.

What Hajar lacked in direction, focus and fulfilment, she made up for in soul, humour and a dedication to wasting her life on social media.

She was a hopeless romantic but never learnt how to pour herself into it.

While she could be a bitter lemon who played history on repeat in her brain, no one could hurt her so much that she wouldn’t forgive them if they apologised – and even then, she didn’t usually need an apology.

Her motto for life was to act from a place of power not fear, and she lived fearlessly in micro-moments when she’d throw herself into situations with abandon, but she struggled to do the same with the bigger building blocks of her life.

She loved her niece and nephew so much she decided not to have children, believing that any child of hers would only be a disappointment in comparison.

She died being dragged along the underground track by a Central line train – her least favourite of all the tube lines – as she was leaning over to get a closer look at a mouse. Luckily this meant she avoided living through her greatest fear which was re-enacting the Divine Comedy song, A Lady of a Certain Age – not that she ever had the opportunity to marry for money and live in the south of France.

Her greatest joy was dinner with friends.

She took everything too seriously, except her own joy.

She never conquered her minute-by-minute need for validation and dopamine, and the questions that were a permanent backdrop to her life were ‘Am I OK?’ and ‘Am I doing this wrong?’

Hajar was a lot of fun – she just doesn’t sound like it on paper.

Listen/Watch ⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠

This week I welcomed Muhsin Yesilada to the podcast. A comedian and academic, but these days, definitely more of a comedian, we spoke about all things life, background and comedy.

This week on the podcast reading his own Eulogy is Comedian Philip Kostelecky. I've known Phil for a few years. We were joint winners of The Blackout. A gong show where the audience can vote you off if they don't like you. Luckily they liked us sufficiently. At 6'4" Phil is a tall man and he matches his height with the same level of humour. It was a pleasure to chat with him on this episode. Enjoy!

Listen/Watch ⁠here⁠ 

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This week I sat down with Comedian Lewis Badham. After having quite a tough start to life Lewis has always put on a brave face and approached things with positivity. We talk all things life, comedy and even a little Bob Dylan.

Today we say goodbye, as well as celebrate the life of our friend Lewis.

Lewis had a troubling start to life and by the age of 10 he had undergone 3 open heart surgeries. Despite this he was still a happy-go-lucky and energetic boy with a love for football. This was demonstrated when he returned home from a double heart valve replacement, jumped out of the car and ran out to kick his football into the goal that was mainstay in the Badham family garden. Until this day he claims it went into the top corner, his parents disagree. This has always stood as a great example of Lewis’ positivity and the need to get back to doing what he loves no matter what obstacles were put in the way.

This was again evident later in life when more heart surgeries were required. He always recovered quickly and went back to playing football, socialising with his friends and working.

Lewis was someone who put other people first. He had a great need to help the people he cared about, often putting his own wellbeing to one side. This did catch up with him, resulting in problems with his mental and psychical health, which again he was able to overcome and turn into a positive.

Despite these difficulties, Lewis was always someone you could go to for advice, someone to make you laugh, or someone just to listen. He was proud of that.

After working in recruitment for many years and building a good reputation he decided to leave it behind to focus on finding a purpose. He was never satisfied with just existing for a pay check, and he always said “if you work hard a job that you hate, you just end up spending all the money on cheering yourself up”.

This lead Lewis to change direction and do things that he enjoyed. Trying his hand at football management for his local Sunday League team, studying to be a counsellor and eventually building up the courage to try stand up comedy. Lewis believed that he faced struggles in his life, so that he could use what he learned to help other people who were now facing similar struggles, he wanted to share his experiences and show that things will be ok, and we can positivity and humour in the darkest of places.

He leaves behind his beloved dog and cat, his collection of Bob Dylan pictures, posters and t-shirts as well as a wide array of Manchester United memorabilia and ,of course, many books that he has only read half way through… he never could sit still for long.

Lewis will be sorely missed by his family and friends. But I know he’d be delighted to see you all here today, and I know if he were here he’d tell you not to worry about him, he’s happy, things will be ok, and he’d want to thank you for making his life a happy one.

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Welcome to Eulogise Me! The podcast where I invite my guest to write their own eulogy. I then get them to read it on the podcast, we discuss it and then see where it takes us!

This week I welcome Luke Chilton on to the pod. A raw and energetic comedian with an infections laugh and a kind heart!

Luke's Eulogy

We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a truly stunning man. Luke Chilton. A man we know well to be of unique, raw and omnipotent sexual magnetism. Incomparable achievement. Paradigm of dignity, strength and humbleness.

It was fitting for him to die in one on one combat with a disgruntled and furious Grizzly bear. The contest ultimately ruled a draw when they died in each others embrace. They began as enemies, yet the respect they awarded each other through the deadly dance of mortal combat meant they departed this world as brothers.

Luke gave his life in order to protect a group of big titted bikini babes who had visited the mountain side for a holiday and unthinkingly had lathered each others breasts in honey thus attracting the bear. They each confessed to having sex with Luke before he fought the bear. They said it was the best and most memorable time of their lives.

A victory for Luke would have been a certainty had he not refused to use his right hand in order to make the battle fair for the creature. For that was Luke. A man of ancient honour. A magnanimous man who turned evil to good, hate to love and water to moist pussy lube.

Looking out I see many men with wives. Luke fucked all of our wives, were we angered? Neigh, we rejoiced, how lucky our wives. How happy they returned to us and how we thanked Luke for improving our marriages from there on in. For this was the giving community focused generosity that Luke emanated.

At the age of 165, still blessed with Abbs and slung like a Prize horse, I look out I see his 40 wives and 300 children in deep sorrow. For today we truly mourn for the best person who may have ever lived. Rest now eternal Luke Chilton, in the warm breasts of the Gods. You had the greatest penis we ever knew and ever will. 

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Instagram: @lukechiltoncomedian

Welcome to Eulogise Me! The podcast where I invite my guest to write their own eulogy. I then get them to read it on the podcast, we discuss it and then see where it takes us!

Watch on YouTube

Follow Roman Harris:

Instagram: @hardyhaahaa

Tik Tok: @hardyhaahaa

Facebook: @hardyhaahaa

Youtube: @hardyhaahaa

Follow Luke Nixon:

Instagram: @Lukenixoncomedy