When does a landlocked Nepal have a beach? When it’s landlocked Mongolia! Now that that koan has blasted you into a Zen state of oneness with the universe you’ll be able to help your Unaccredited Australians, Aaron and Gabe, as they try to deduce the properties of a magic hat. It’s a cat, if that helps, and looks like Garfield by way of Akira and a hattery. What its eyes see is what you do, which is great if it sees something good but sub-great if it sees something unspeakable. Speaking of unspeakable, a rural Australian town is flinging its citizens from a pier again, but there are colourful streamers so it’s a Birdman competition and not the grim process by which we remove the readin’ types. All this and letters from the grim genetic flotsam we call fans.

Terrible news! Aaron and Gabe have lost their Australian Accreditation! They must now spend their days squeezing Vegemite out of wombats and their nights being exposed to the cosmic horror of Round the Twist Season Two. Even the warm, familiar sight of a teen boy slathered in goo can’t shake the feeling that the Twist kids look different, that Tony is acting like an actual dad, or that Nell’s face has been replaced by an ever-shifting throne whose scale and geometry destroys most minds. Can New Pete get through a day’s worth of chicken impressions? Can NovaLinda stop summoning souls from the beyond? Can Neo Bronson ever hope to be as punchable as Bronson Classic™? All this and the knowledge that listening helps reduce our sentences.