Every Coach Needs A Coach

There are some people who will find the good in everything, and there are some people who will find the bad and everything. I had a patient who went to greece last summer with his whole family. They went in July, so it was going to be hot. They were gone for 2 weeks, and when they came back, I asked how it was. The FIRST and really ONLY thing they said, “Greece was too hot.”

Not delicious. Not historical. Not beautiful. Not Fun. HOT.

There are some people who you could put on an all inclusive island for a month and then come back and you ask how it was and they'll tell you that the drinks were to water down where the drinks were too strong or the sand was too hot, and there are people who you could put in a cardboard box in the woods for a month, come back and ask them how it was, and they'll tell you how beautiful the stars were and a lovely the sound of the birds in the morning was. You will have players, we all have who are like these two types of People. I say it all the time, the best we can be as examples, be the kind of coach who sees the beauty and the stars, and appreciates the sound of the birds. Find the good in your kids.

One  day a very wealthy father took his son on a trip to the country for the  sole purpose of showing his son how it was to be poor. They spent a few  days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor  family. After their return from the trip, the father asked his son  how he liked the trip. “It was great, Dad,” the son replied. “Did you  see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Oh Yeah,” said the son. “So  what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father. The son answered,  “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that  reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no  end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at  night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole  horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have  fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they  serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls  around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”  The boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, “It showed me just  how poor we really are.” Too many times we forget what we have and  concentrate on what we don’t have. What is one person’s worthless object  is another’s prize possession. It is all based on one’s perspective. Sometimes it takes the perspective of a child to remind us what’s important.  This ties in with our Italy is too hot story, and our peacock and crow story. Watch what happens when your perspective changes, your reality will start to change too. If you played this game where you compared your team with another team, you would gladly go back to the problems you think you have as a coach.

Jeff Jansen book

A practical exercise for improving your self-talk 

You need : a piece of paper, a timer, a cell phone 

Story

http://www.dailytenminutes.com/2015/08/story-happy-bird.html

A Crow was absolutely satisfied in life. But one day he saw a swan...This swan is so white and I am so black...crow thought.This swan must be the happiest bird in the world. He expressed his thoughts to the swan.

"Actually," the swan replied, "I was feeling that I was the happiest bird around until I saw a parrot, which has two colors. I now think the parrot is the happiest bird in creation." The crow then approached the parrot. The parrot explained,   "I lived a very happy life—until I saw a peacock. I have only two colors, but the peacock has multiple colors."

The crow then visited a peacock in the zoo and saw that hundreds of people had gathered to see him.

After the people had left,  The crow approached the Peacock.. Dear Peacock, You are so beautiful.   Every day thousands of people come to see you.  When people see me, they immediately shoo me away. I think you are the happiest bird on the planet. The peacock replied,  I always thought that I was the most beautiful and happy bird on the planet.  But because of my beauty, I am entrapped in this zoo. I have examined the zoo very carefully, and I have realized that the crow is the only bird not kept in a cage. So for past few days I have been thinking that if I were a crow, I could happily roam everywhere.

That's our problem too.

We make unnecessary comparison with others and become sad.

We don't value what God has given us.

This all leads to the vicious cycle of unhappiness.

Value the things God has given us.

Learn the secret of being happy and discard the comparison which leads only to unhappiness..

Comparison is the thief of joy.

We're coming up on my third wedding anniversary. We had a brunch wedding, but I thought it was a lot of fun. I asked my friends after if they had fun, they said to me if someone didn't have fun at your wedding, it was their own fault. That was a good enough answer for me

I want my practice is to be run the same way. It's my job to provide an environment where my kids can have the best possible athletic experience. When we practice, they will get out of it what they put into it.

If they don't get better that day I want it to be because it was on their end, not because of anything I did.

I give every kid the same number of reps and opportunities. I offered them to go at whatever intensity they can handle.

If they don't get better at practice, I want it to be their fault, not  because i didn’t plan. Not because i talked for 45 minutes, not because i instructed them poorly or too much or too little. If they got better, it’s because they had an environment to get better in. If they didn’t, it’s because they didn’t take advantage of that environment

I can still remember my birthday wish from when I was eight years old. I wished to play in the WNBA. That was 1998. WNBA started in 1996. I didn't make it to the WNBA. I did play division two and three college basketball. Having that wish, and the capacity to make it, shapes the way that I made decisions and spent my time as a young person. If I was born five years earlier, the WNBA would not have existed on my eighth birthday. My trajectory as an athlete might have changed without something like that to aspire to.

I tell you the story because one of my incoming freshmen told me last week that she wants to play soccer for Stanford. Good Lord, that's a lofty goal. I'm a firm believer that you can do anything you put your mind to, so if she wants to do that she can.

What I know will happen immediately, is that kid is gonna get good grades. That kid is gonna make good decisions, so as to not put herself at risk for not getting into Stanford. Even if she doesn't get into Stanford, she'll play at a great school somewhere. Pointers, The point is, that 13 year old kid is making choices because Stanford has a women's soccer team.

You don't know which kids are aspiring to be on your team, and their decisions that they're making with that goal in mind. Just know that as a coach of sports, we hold tremendous responsibility to help our players and future players make good decisions.

My challenge for you, and it's hard as an adult, is to look at what you're aspiring to. What's your last birthday wish? You wished for that because you knew it could happen. My question to you is what are you doing to make sure that it does?

When I was taking organic chemistry in college, it was very clear that was a weed out class. Anyone who wants to be a physician, or a healthcare provider typically have to take that course. It has a physical therapist there have been exactly 0 days that I have used anything I learned in organic chemistry, with one exception.

That exception is the resiliency behind doing hard things. Most people quit organic chemistry after they get their first 40 or lower on an exam. After that first semester, enrollment typically goes from 40 to 60 students down to 30 to 50. Those who make it through the second semester with at least a C or D grade, typically graduate with their biology, or chemistry, or pre-medical degree, and go on to medical school, or dental school, or physical therapy school.

Then, once they're in graduate school, there is another set of weed out classes. These are designed for two reasons number one the information is actually relevant to the profession, so it's important that it's learned and understood. Second, if you can't pass that class, you certainly can't handle patient care. You're not cut out for that profession.

I heard it said once that the walls are put up to see who is willing to bust through them, climb over them, dig underneath them, or run around them.

I tell our incoming freshmen that high school soccer is 2 to 2 1/2 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. That is sometimes enough to ‘weed out’ those who are not willing or able to make that commitment.

Then I tell them what the expectations are on our fitness tests. Soccer is a running sport. The average player, run 6 miles during a game. I don't run them for the sake of running them, I run them because we need to prepare them adequately for the demands of the game. When they find out those expectations, some are unwilling or unable to meet those demands. That's another version of ensuring we get the right people in our program.

I'm sure you have your own version of those. My challenge for you is to verbalize those to your players. Be transparent with them, and let them know that you want to see who can make it through the challenges, to call them self hey Caldwell girl soccer player.

A father said to his daughter “You have graduated with honors, here is a Jeep I bought many years ago. It is pretty old now. But before I give it to you, take it to the used car lot downtown and tell them I want to sell it and see how much they offer you for it.” The daughter went to the used car lot, returned to her father and said, “They offered me $1,000 because the said it looks pretty worn out.” The father said, now “Take it to the pawn shop.” The daughter went to the pawn shop, returned to her father and said,”The pawn shop offered only $100 because it is an old Jeep.” The father asked his daughter to go to a Jeep club now and show them the Jeep. The daughter then took the Jeep to the club, returned and told her father,” Some people in the club offered $100,000 for it because “it's an iconic Jeep and sought by many collectors.” Now the father said this to his daughter, “The right place values you the right way,” If you are not valued, do not be angry, it means you are in the wrong place. Those who know your value are those who appreciate you......Never stay in a place where no one sees your value. Credit: Unknown  When I was a sophomore in college, I didn't play a lot of minutes on my basketball team. I was consistently told I was the hardest worker we had, I had the highest GPA on the team (As an honors biology student), and my head coach's first year was my first year, so she didnt recruit me or any of my classmates.   When it became clear that I wasn't going to play a lot my next 2 years, I knew something had to change. So I transferred schools and finished my athletic and academic career at Catholic University.   I want our players to feel like that $100,000 jeep. I want them to feel like they're in an environment they're valued and worth something when they're in our program.

Jon Tyson is a pastor, I came . I across via Adam Bradley on Twitter. He Rights "I would see my kids doing the wrong thing, and lecture, lecture, lecture. I would start in a nice tone, then wrap them up the intensity as their eyes glazed over. Then I would start to nag. I'd nag when they woke up, in the car, when they got home, when they were home, when they went to bed. What a beat down of a culture. Who wants to live in a world like that? Nagging is one of the lowest forms of parenting. Nagging creates an emotional field that repels our kids away from us. The worst thing was I was nagging them and things I was inconsistent. Then he got called out by his wife who said, you inspire people for a living, start inspiring your kids. Inspiration, not nagging was about to come home.

Less lectures, more vision, less bothering, more modeling. Less telling, more showing. Let's demand, more invitations. Effect was almost immediate and brought a totally different result. Stop trying to get my kids to just do the right thing, and focused on helping them become the right people. I change from behavioral compliance to heart inspiration. I wanted my kids to follow me not to nag them into compliance. I started to cast a vision that they wanted to be a part of, tell the story they wanted to be in, lived in a way that can tell them to follow.

Tell a story your team wants to be a part of. Offer invitations instead of demanding. Invitations are INCLUSIVE, and my kids have told me that inclusivity is the MOST important thing they look for in  leaders.