Every Coach Needs A Coach

When I was  An intern in Boston for my last year of physical therapy school, a patient came in with $100 gift card for me and the two other therapist that work there to say thank you for getting him back to golfing without pain. I remember saying to my clinical instructor, Ryan, This is a lot of money, are we allowed to accept this? I'll never forget his answer. He said Cal, I don't wanna live in a world where people can't express their gratitude how they want to. That was a very generous gesture, certainly not expected, but who are we to turn that down if that's how he wants to say thank you?

I've let this bleed into other areas of my life, when I'm out to dinner with friends or family, and they insist on paying the check, I always offer at least once, but if they turn it down, I'll let them do it. And then I get the next one. If someone offers to help me in something, I let them because it gives them the opportunity to be of service. I encourage my kids that when we fall down to always go pick each other up, and it always bothers me if the kid who fell shakes off the teammates who went to help her. I'm going to start to encourage that kid who's on the ground To always, always take the hands that are helping. It's a good lesson on the field, and a good lesson off the field. My challenge to you is twofold, number one who wants to help you but you're not letting? Who's got their hand out to get you up, but you've shaken them off? Let them help you

Number two, who have you been reaching out to to help up who is turning you down? Explain to them that you want to serve them and encourage them to let you help them.

Luke 10:1-23

At church this weekend, the Gospel passage read was about how jesus sent 72 people out in pairs on his behalf to share God’s word. He gave them very few instructions, telling them to take very few things, and accept any food or drink offered to them in the places they go. Jesus, being jesus, probably could have done it all himself. Instead, he delegated. He made those people feel included and a part of something bigger than themselves. He sent them in pairs, who knows actually why, but probably so they would not feel alone, and would have someone else there to support them.

My challenge for you is to pair your kids and give them a task to accomplish together, something simple, like make sure they check on a teammate, or check in to see how everyone’s medical clearance is going, or making sure they get to weight room or conditioning together),

Dale Carnegie's book how to Win friends and influence people is one of my favorites. On page 177 he talks about how to win people into your way of thinking, and offers a few strategies. One line stands out to me is "nothing will work in all cases and nothing will work with all people "it reminds me that even though my messages the same throughout my contacts and what I share with my kids, I have to find different ways to say it. There are stories that I leave out of Podcasts, or ideas that don't resonate with me necessarily.  This quote reminds me that I should still share them, because they might resonate with someone else even if they have it work for me. My challenge for you is to look at your message, how do you send it, and see if you can change something so that it might resonate with your athletes in a new and more meaningful way.

Luke Combs is a country singer I like. He just released a new song called doing this. The opening line is "someone asked me once in an interview what was growing up like where do you go to school, and what would you do if you weren't doing this?

https://open.spotify.com/track/4GyD3o5hWoyCuYpdlzZlRL?si=464a1fabd3464214

He answers that he’d still be doing this, if he wasn’t doing this.

That's my challenge for my players this season. If they weren't at soccer practice, would they be at home in the backyard kicking a soccer ball around? Would they find a friend to shoot on? Would they have another group so they could go through highs and lows with? They should still be doing this, even if they're not doing this on our team. That's how I know we have the right kids in the program.

Someone asked me once in an interview

"What was growing up like, where'd you go to school?

And what would you do if you weren't doin' this?"

I'd be drivin' my first car, an old worn-out Dodge

Tryin' to make rent with a dead end job, just makin' due

With tips in a jar, my guitar and an old barstool

I'd have a Friday night crowd in the palm of my hand

Cup of brown liquor, couple buddies in a band

Singin' them same damn songs like I am now

I'd be feelin' on fire on a hardwood stage

Bright lights like lightning runnin' through my veins

At the Grand Ole Opry or a show in some no-name town

I'd still be doin' this if I wasn't doin' this

I'd still be the same guy they knew back in the day

Who was burnin' CDs just to give away

Payin' his dues if I wasn't doin' this

Five deep in a van, head full of steam

Hot on the heels of my neon dreams maybe comin' true

Livin' this life just like I was born to do

I'd have a Friday night crowd in the palm of my hand

Cup of brown liquor, couple buddies in a band

Singin' them same damn songs like I am now

I'd be feelin' on fire on a hardwood stage

Bright lights like lightning runnin' through my veins

At the Grand Ole Opry or a show in some no-name town

I'd still be doin' this if I wasn't doin' this

It ain't about the fame

It ain't about the fortune

It ain't about the name

It ain't about the glory

I guess I'm sayin' it's always been about

Having a Friday night crowd in the palm of my hand

Cup of brown liquor, couple buddies in a band

Singin' them same damn songs like I am now

I'd be feelin' on fire on a hardwood stage

Bright lights like lightning runnin' through my veins

At the Grand Ole Opry or a show in some no-name town

I'd still be doin' this if I wasn't doin' this

Someone asked me once in an interview

"What was growing up like, where'd you go to school?

And what would you do if you weren't doin' this"

Jeff Jansen is a sports psychologist who has worked with college and professional teams and has a leadership program and books on developing teams, culture, and leaders.

He was on Brian Cain’s podcast (Link below) and spoke to how the coach at UNC baseball Vacated every Wednesday of fall ball to teambuilding activities. And the coach admitted he felt like he was going to get behind because they were not spending time on the field. That spring, they played for the national championship. They ended up losing, and the coach credits the fact that they got that far to the investment they made in building their team in the off-season. They dedicated that Wednesday to becoming a team, rather than developing their baseball skills. He mentioned that he had a team that played for each other, not just with each other.

Jeff Jansen Frames this as an investment. I intend to at least talk about the stock market and investing with my kids this year. The whole idea of investing as you put something aside, with the intention that it will grow and help you down the line. Not that it will necessarily help you or feel good right now. My challenge for you is to look at the things that you do, and decide what's gonna give you compound interest. I like to use the example with Soccer. It doesn't matter how good we are at shooting the ball or scoring goals, if we can't receive it, and move with it We won't get a chance to get the ball close enough to the goal to show how good we are shooting and scoring. If we spend the first few days of practice emphasizing receiving the ball and possessing it, weeks later that skill will have gotten better, and will have gotten us more chances to put the ball in the net. My challenge for you is to decide personally and in your coaching world what skills are you going to collect compound interest on?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5kUJmxZYHk0UC6PdBNTe1R?si=0aa8f7e88834451b

This is a great excerpt from a longer podcast from Craig Groeschel

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0xOTO6dh7JHUxflbxx0AiR?si=382055d9a3154fa4

Where he challenges us that leadership is not what we do, leadership is an identity. A leader is who we are. Our character matters. The example we set matters. What we do and who we are when no one is looking should be the same person as when 10000 eyes are on us.

Look at the example you’re setting for your athletes, and see if it’s in line with what you expect of them.

For the first time we are doing the weight room and speed and agility with the girls soccer team. One of the incoming freshmen who is very enthused and a nice kid asked me after we had completed one of our speed drills, "Coach Kelley, how do I get faster? "I smiled and told her that it will come. There's lots of drills that we can do, I told her to remember the ones that we were doing today and then I would send them out to the kids so that they can do them on their own, and that she should time herself in a 40 yard dash today and then again in six weeks. She also asked me for drills to do, Yoga videos to watch. I love her enthusiasm and appreciate her willingness to put the work in and get better. I had to remind her, and myself constantly and we don't have to get it all done right now. This weight room and speed and agility work, are going to look ugly this year. And that's OK. As coaches we sometimes feel like there's so much to do, and we wanna shove it all down their throats, and we don't have to.

I took a risk and let my kids name leadership seminars that we're doing. It's something that I want them to own and feel like they're a part of, I thought it would come up with something that had to do with leader ship, or some kind of acronym for Chiefs lead, but instead they wanna call it how you brewin because we host it in a local coffee shop every week.

That's my challenge for you, offer your kids something to take some ownership of, and then be OK with whatever they come up with.

I went to Referee camp and one of our clinicians advised us that we will get out of this what we put into it. It was such a simple way and phrase to remind us that he was not going to coach our effort. We are grown adults, who spend time away from our family and friends and paid a little bit of money to go to this camp. He advised us that we could sit on the sidelines while we were not officiating and BS with the other officials, or we could stand next to him and the other clinicians and listen to the feedback they were giving the officials on the floor. I learned so much from sitting in their pockets, questioning them about that feedback, and then attempting To apply it almost immediately when it was my turn to go back out on the floor. I got so much out of that few hours because I put so much into it. When we have practices, some of our players will get better, and some will not. That has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with them.

192 - being coached

I went to an officials camp last night, and remembered what it was like to be coached in a physical activity.

I have business coaches. I have mentors in coaching. I’m not one for personal trainers or fitness instructors, so I don’t have much experience in the ways of being physically coached after I finished my playing days.

It felt so good!

More seasoned officials were guiding me through games. Adjusting my positioning, offering me feedback during and after my runs.

I LOVED it. Because I like getting better. I like being coached. I like being part of a team of officials who are responsible and doing their best.

It was a good reminder to me that feedback matters, engagement matters, and those seasoned officials, who honestly were not being paid and have no real investment in me, care about the game and making it better.

My challenge to you - try a new physical skill! Get a coach in it. Pick up a tennis racquet or golf club and watch a youtube video on how to swing it better. Get in your players shoes again and remember what it’s like to learn.