Everyday Legends

A short moment from the full episode with relationship expert Jayson Gaddis

Find the full episode of this Everyday Legends podcast episode number 40:

• iTunes: https://apple.co/3DtGQtJ
• Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3uGJXuW
• Mike's site: https://bit.ly/3hpocdi
• YouTube: https://youtu.be/tIgGM0l_BZ0

Imagine getting the news that your busted shoulder will, in fact, need urgent surgery.

Then getting in the car and going straight home to get on a podcast interview with me.

Well, that's what today's guest did, despite the frustrating situation he found himself in. Actually, it's exactly who he is that allows him to navigate shit like that and still have a great conversation.

⁠I've learnt a few things about myself over the years. One of those is to write things down that pop into my head, or I'll likely forget them.

Circle back to September 2020 and I heard someone on a radio show podcast and thought - 'this dude is switched on, I need to get him on the podcast' - so I wrote down his name and the date of the podcast.

Then forgot about it. Then I heard him again on the same radio show in New Zealand a few weeks back. I went back to my notes, found his name and the episode and listened to it again and in that moment stopped what I was doing and searched how to get hold of Lance Burdett.

I dig some digging, reached out, got a response, we booked a time and then I thanked my previous self.

I reached out to Lance because I wanted to explore his vast experience and expertise in navigating crisis, the brain, and being an ex-top cop negotiator for the NZ Police.

Lance and I start off by exploring some of his history, having left a secure job in the police at 57 to start his own business consulting on navigating tough situations and building genuine resiliency.

We have a conversation about how as the top crisis and suicide negotiator he was, in fact, himself, suicidal.

Lance is real, raw, extremely well-spoken, smart, likeable, and great to have a chat with about the brain, about men and seeking help, and navigating lifes' tough situations.

I enjoyed this chat.

I trust you take something valuable away from this episode. Please share it with a man you think could benefit from it also.

And if you can prioritise 2 minutes, I ask you to do ME a solid and like and rate and review this podcast on iTunes - it supports us in getting this podcast in front of more everyday men who can benefit from but don't yet have this information.

Following a successful career in construction, Lance Burdett spent 22 years as a cop and became the lead crisis negotiator. He trained in New Zealand, Australia, England and the USA with the elite units of police, prisons, emergency services, the military, and the FBI. Lance has an MA majoring in Terrorism, Safety & Security, a Diploma in Policing, a Diploma in Business Studies, and is completing a Diploma in Positive Psychology and Wellbeing. He published the bestselling books – Behind The Tape and Dark Side of the Brain – and is writing a third book about anxiety. He also makes regular media appearances.

• Website: http://www.warninternational.com/
• Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/warninternation
• YouTube: here

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The challenges, the triumphs, and the deep purpose of coaching men:

Here's something that comes up a lot in my work with men - the idea that guys are and feel the need to be a 'Lone Wolf'.

We have glorified the idea of a man being entirely self-sufficient, never needing anyone or anything, no weakness, no whole in his wide and expansive capabilities.

Because if you're not a lone wolf, well, you're weak, you're pathetic, there's something wrong with you, you're less of a man.

Let me put my hand up right now and say - what total bollocks.

At best a Lone Wolf fights to survive. Just to survive.

So as a Lone Wolf, when you take on that identity, what you're signing up for is at best surviving.

And when you're in survival mode, you can't have a very rich, fulfilling, rewarding life because all you're doing is fighting off death. Because at best he survives. At worst, the lone Wolf dies. Whereas the pack thrives.

And that is what brings me to the podcast episode I have recorded for you today.

After many questions about this and butting up against it first in myself for many years and now in countless me in my work, I have developed an ethos that centres around being in a pack, i.e.e having other good men in your corner as you work on yourself.

And so, I have addressed this idea and the questions I get about coaching men.

In this solo episode, I speak to the idea of the 'Lone Wolf' as well as how I go about coaching men in this way.

I dive into the work we do in my major caching program ELA - EVERYDAY LEGENDS ACADEMY and make the case for not only why everyday men can benefit immensely from being in a like-minded community of men, but why it's so immensely enriching and fulfilling.

For me, there is no more meaningful way to make a living providing for my family and making a difference in the lives of men that enter my coaching world.

I trust you take something valuable away from this episode. Please share it with a man you think could benefit from it also - especially if you're thinking about a man who you suspect could benefit immensely from this work, then this can be a nice intro to the idea of letting the Lone Wolf identity die off and becoming stronger as part of a pack.

If you're one of the legends that read this far - please take a moment to like, subscribe and leave a rating and review on iTunes.

Grab this opportunity to explore DEEP coaching support and guidance with Mike and his team in ELA - The Everyday Legends Academy is now open for enrolment applications. Book a call here with Mike to see if it can be the full and remarkable solution for you like it has been for so many men before you.

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A short moment from the full episode with All Black hard man and compassionate community leader Ardie Savea.

Find the full episode of this Everyday Legends podcast episode number 42:

• iTunes: https://apple.co/31U1NRp
• Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3sa2iS6
• Mike's site: https://bit.ly/320tBmC
• YouTube: https://youtu.be/WseU2R4Lk44

For the Nice Guys reading and listening to this - I feel you. Because I've been you.⁠⁠ ⁠

100% self-confessed recovering nice guy here.

⁠⁠With honest reflection, feedback, clarity, and some sobering acknowledgements I saw that some overarching motivations were because I needed to be liked.⁠⁠

⁠⁠Insecurity yearned to feel like I was important to and valued by others so I could convince myself of the same thing.⁠⁠

⁠⁠What a shit-sandwich that was!⁠⁠⁠⁠

One I kept making and eating.⁠⁠

Yuck. ⁠⁠

This is the Nice Guy: hope that by being nice, people will like them - see them as a good nice guy. ⁣⁠⁠

⁣⁠⁠On the surface - "So what, who doesn't like being liked?"⁣⁠⁠

⁣⁠⁠Intent matters.⁠

⁣⁠⁠'I'll Be this way and do this for you, and then in return, you like me and give me reassurance.'⁣⁠⁠

⁣⁠⁠That's not nice, brother. ⁠

It's a subtle form of manipulation. ⁣⁠

It's transactional niceness.⁠

⁠Yuck.

I know this can be a tough pill to swallow, it definitely was for me many years ago.⁠⁠

But the thing with swallowing some pills is they can create a new reality.⁠⁠

⁠⁠This pill can shed the patterns that sit beneath the nice guy persona; the need for the approval of others so that you can feel ok about yourself.⁠⁠

⁠⁠That's a bottomless pit of resentment, frustration, self-abandonment, and hopelessness.⁠⁠

⁠⁠When we can learn to accept ourSELVES as imperfect humans that some people just won't like, we can actually move beyond our old nice guy software and into actually being a GOOD MAN.⁠⁠

⁠⁠That's the aim; an internal compass for self-assurance.⁠

⁠

That is what we cover in today's podcast - a deeper look into the key differences between a Nice Guys and a Good Man.

I share some for comparison as well as expand on some of the points and give a little of my own experience and examples in some of them

For Nice Guys listening to this and resonating let me be clear on one important point: you can change this. You can be nice AND have boundaries and self-respect. You can be ok with people not liking you without being an arsehole.

But it takes work. And I invite you into exploring that work with me in EVERYDAY LEGENDS ACADEMY via a simple clarity forming conversation with me.

You have ZERO to lose in doing so - click here to find out more on ELA and book a call.

If you're reading and listening thinking "Shit, maybe I am too nice" then you can take a quick 3 minutes quiz to find out here: 'Are you too nice?'

I trust you take something valuable away from this episode. Please share it with a man you think could benefit from it also.

And if you can prioritise 2 minutes, I ask you to do ME a solid and like and rate and review this podcast on iTunes - it supports us in getting this podcast in front of more Nice Guys who want to become a genuine good man but don't yet have this information.

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• Want to explore DEEP coaching support and guidance with Mike? The Everyday Legends Academy is now open for enrolment applications. Book a call here with Mike to see if it can be the full and remarkable solution for you like it has been for so many men before you.

For those unfamiliar with New Zealand - we are a small country in the arse end of the world, as we tend to call it.

We have some sheep. Probably not as many as you might think.

It's very green. Quite beautiful, really.

We can claim to Middle Earth, but that's really a minority of the population.

We currently love shutting ourselves off from the rest of the world (much to this author's frustration - Hi Cindy).

And we love the All Blacks.

While there certainly is a wide range of humans in this country, the cliche is that most boys grow up idolising and dreaming of being All Black.

Hi - I'm Mike, I'm one of those dudes. I played rugby intensely and competitively most of my life, travelled the world with it, met some wonderful mates, had some remarkable times, played some epic and 'story of a lifetime' games.

But I never made it to those heights. I've told some of my story plenty of times, some of that occasionally touches on a particular broken leg and a bunch of stories about not having 'it' anymore and subsequently hiding away and not pushing myself.

So, yeah - the All Black dream dropped away.

Yet, being a fan did not.

And the older I get, the more mature I get, the more I see the men in amongst those men.

And let's be clear, in New Zealand for the longest time the All Blacks have held this kind of awed position, a revered model of manhood; strong, stoic, unemotional, humble, and ever-capable man's man.

Then times changed. A new century, a new decade, and men have more scope to explore a wider breadth of manhood.

So to, it would turn out, do All Blacks.

Enter today's brilliant, inspiring, humble, strong, caring, powerful and poignant guest - current All Black sometimes caption, full-time legend Ardie Savea.

Yeah, fucking Ardie Savea is on the show.

This man is someone - I think - single-handedly changing aspects of the game of rugby and how to be a warrior on the field, a leader of men and others of it, with heart, with integrity, and with a consistent example of exploring his depths and inviting others to theirs.

Anf that, really, is what we explore in this episode.

Ardie and I wander through some of his stories, going into his own journey of healing - still - some of the tougher shit from his past, knowing that the "stuff he was going to take to his grave" is exactly what was holding back the deepest and riches connections in his life, including that with his wife.

We explore some of what goes on inside the All Blacks culture, how they approach high performance and high-stress situations, and how they can learn to translate that to real life and challenging relationships, but more so we explore Ardie Savea the man.

Which, to be clear, in my opinion, is a man who encapsulates what I term 'the everyday legend' - this modern representation of 'Zeus Energy'.

So yeah, I flatter him with that a touch, but then, if you appreciate a dude, let him know, bro.

I loved this chat for the little boy in me getting to yarn with an All Black legend and for the legend sat across from me who chose to share some of the shit most men never do, let alone All Black stars very much in the public eye.

I trust you will get something from it - as might a man in your world, please pass it on to anyone you think will benefit from it.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

At ASAV we want to inspire youth and their families to embrace uniqueness. To empower people to be truly and authentically happy.

It's simple. Happy humans mean better people. Better people build better communities. Better communities for us, for our children and their children to come.

We might be the new now. But our dream is that every generation after us uses their "them" and adds to our foundation. Everyone can contribute something no matter how big or small.

''I recognise I am unique. I embrace myself. I want to be new. To be the leader of a generational change amongst my family and most loved friends.

Show my children that by being my most true self I am the happiest version of myself. Show them that what I dream to build, I can. It is sustainable.

And when it's their time, I can hand it onto them and they build on it and so on with their children. Every generation's uniqueness adds to the asav story. ''

• Ardie's clothing brand - ASAV https://asav.co/
• Ardie on IG: https://www.instagram.com/ardiesavea/
• Ardie's All Black profile: https://www.allblacks.com/playerprofiles/ardie-savea/

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There is one thing that comes up more than most when it comes to working with men; PURPOSE.

Sure, many guys want to 'get confidence' and some want to simply get out of the frustrating place they are now, stop the sabotage and spending a vast majority of their time caught in their head.

But even for those guys, at some point, the work turns to 'finding purpose', Which, when you talk to them - as I do all the time - the idea we have gleaned from the world of personal development, self-help, and 'success' is that a man must find his 'One True Purpose' as if there is something waiting for all of us, something we were born to 'uncover' which will then make ou lives not only complete, but make our lives.

We learn to hang the entire of our happiness (outside of that which we have possibly lumped on our romantic partners) onto this idea that 'once I find my purpose I'll be happy and everything in my life will make sense and be ultra meaningful'.

If you can't tell yet from my approach here, I think this is a load of bollocks that tends to send most men into a frenzy of ludicrously high expectations they can't meet - can never find this elusive 'one purpose' - and so go into the mode of self-beat-up, a consistent mode of 'shoulds' ('I should be living my purpose') and ultimately being kind of frozen in inaction until this one big purpose hits us over the head somehow.

Lies and misnomers. This is something we deal with a lot in my coaching and so I have decided to do a solo episode on it as well as release a punchy yet powerful teaching mini-course on actually finding purpose.

I bring you a take on the above as we explore why this happens and how it messes with our lives.

I'll take you through a couple of simple examples of purpose as we explore the vital difference between 'finding your purpose' and 'living with purpose. This will include one seemingly insignificant aspect of all of our everyday lives in which you'll soon be able to not only see the purpose in it, but use the explanation to apply to many things in your everyday life.

this little trick will help you on the road to doing away with the ideas of discipline and motivation - things of the past when you truly understand purpose.

One of the reasons I decided to put this episode together was because we have decided to package up and release a live teaching from inside my coaching program the EVERYDAY LEGENDS ACADEMY (ELA) in which I take the guys through this critical difference and get them to go through an example that completely squashes this idea of finding your one true purpose and instead instantly gets you on the path to living with purpose.

One of the ... purposes of this mini-course and the incredibly affordable investment of just $47 (AUD) is so you have the appropriate buy-in to take on board the lessons in it and then actually apply it with purpose into your life. Without that buy-in, purchasing a mini-course like this is just masturbation.

This teaching also has another purpose of being an exclusive sneak behind the curtain of what we do in the coaching work with me in ELA.

You can get access to the course here - it is one 45 minute teaching with some supporting emails and content.

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Name one thing people avoid probably more than most other things.

The plague - definitely. Not really Covid - although, we have become a world of attempting to avoid that at all other costs. I mean, it is the new plague, really.

I digress.

I suppose you could say walking into traffic. Perhaps putting metal in the microwave. Things like these do have undesirable consequences, no doubt. But what I'm talking about is more mundane yet wholly impactful on our lives.

Conflict.

Tell me you've never avoided conflict and I'll tell you you're lying.

Go on, tell me… ahhh.

Okay yeah, so conflict is something we simply do not learn how to manage, navigate, and handle.

Yet, it's one of the more common elements of being a human, especially a human who is in relationships with other humans.

We avoid it. We butcher it. We create it unnecessarily. We get stuck in our heads about it and create conflict there instead of just having conversations with people.

All in all, it's something we could do with some more education on.

Luckily for you, me and everyone else - there are people skilled in and specifically working on helping us understand and navigate conflict with ease.

Enter Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School, and now the author of the BRAND NEW book (like right now it's being released - get it here first).

His book is called 'Getting to Zero - how to work through conflict in your high-stakes relationships' - funnily enough the name of this episode too.

Having Jayson on the show has been a desire of mine for a while, and the timing of his book release was too good a chance to pass up.

You can probably imagine that we discuss conflict in this episode, and we do. However, we also dive into Jayson's own story of one relationship ending after another frustrating relationship ending that sparked the curiosity in him to explore why that was happening and uncovering how his way of relating was central to that.

Jayson's own lessons can teach us a lot and we dive into that. While we also cover aspects of conflict and a wonderful topic I just loved - choosing to be the relational leader.

I personally learnt a bunch from this conversation and am looking forward to reading the book to explore conflict management strategies for myself and my relationships. After all, if we don't learn this, we are choosing to continue patterns we learnt along the way to this point in our lives and relationships and choosing to suffer the same consequences.

I trust you will get something from it - as might a man in your world, please pass it on to anyone you think will benefit from it.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

Get Jayson's Book here right now.

Jayson Gaddis is an author, relationship expert, and coach who teaches people the one class they didn't get in school – "How to do Relationships." Jayson leads one of the most in-depth and comprehensive relationship trainings and trains coaches from all over the world on how to be relationship coaches.

Jayson has thousands of fans and followers across multiple channels. He's the host of The Relationship School Podcast with over 4 million downloads (and over 330 episodes). He is also the visionary behind The Relationship School®. His book Getting to Zero will be out in fall of 2021.

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• Want to explore DEEP coaching support and guidance with Mike? The Everyday Legends Academy is now expanding to a new and more accessible level for everyday men - 'The Development Academy' has all the content, coaching and most crucial aspect - the community - of ELA, now at a drastically reduced investment price. Book a call here with Mike to see if it can be the full and remarkable solution for you like it has been for so many men before you.

Welcome back to the show a good friend of mine and the first guest to appear twice - Mark Groves.

For those who don't know Mark, he is a human connection specialist who delivers content, courses, and no BS advice on relationships.

Right now I'm talking a lot about relationships and being a - *cough* great partner - so the first person on my list to have a conversation about this stuff for you guys is Mark.

So, I gave him a shout, and here we are - a conversation that wanders through many aspects of being a great partner.

Mark and I explore some of the things that prevent us from being great partners.

We then venture into some of his own story - and what happened to him after a full-on breakup. Well, what he chose to do - put his heart behind the walls of a seemingly safe cage - until he got stumped and called to total honesty by the question "When was the last time you fully let someone love you?"

I mean, that one will cut through - once you get beyond the easy to answer initially "Always" and look at what really lies beneath.

We both share stories of broken engagements and hints at abandoning our own values and integrity under the misguided thinking of "winning them over and maintaining harmony in the relationship".

We then venture into attachment, and why someone might not reciprocate when we say what we want. From here to look at secure attachment, and fundamentally one of the main aspects of being a great partner - being secure in yourself.

As always, I loved this chat with Mark I think there are wonderful gems in here for you, as there always is for me in our conversations.

I trust you will get something from it - as might a man in your world, please pass it on to anyone you think will benefit from it.

If you're ready to take the plunge and BECOME A GREAT PARTNER yourself, then grab your spot in the Better Partner Project here now while they're available for a limited time.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

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I grew up hearing many different things that were presented to me as 'fact'.

The thing about growing up is that what we witness, by in large, is what we see as truth in the world until we somehow learn differently.

I thought professional wrestling was real for a good while until I had the dream shattered.

Many of these truths we take on and form part of our lens of the world, and in other ways often part of our identity.

One of those ideas and stories perpetuated around me, especially in my twenties was this doozie - "Men are afraid of commitment".

That's just truth, isn't it?

Well, no. it's not. But it's the kind of little mistruth that infiltrates the minds of men and people who deal with and relate with men that almost give it permission to fulfil as a prophecy.

And so I, like many men before and after me, used this as a bit of a crutch to lean my lack of - and fear of - commitment onto.

Until I shattered it into the total and utter bollocks that it is.

Enter - this episode.

It's true that commitment is a big deal for men. So much so that it harks back to our instinctual and evolutionary ancestry.

This and how it now plays out for us in terms of both consequences and opportunities is what I cover in today's solo episode.

In this, I share a story about me sleeping on the couch one night after being delivered some shitty news by my wife - and I explain why I did that and how it links back to commitment.

And I share a story of having my heart broken so severely I out it away in a cosy sounding cage of "I'm just not looking for commitment right now".

I give you examples and strategies to go away and put into practise in your life.

Please do so - please implement this information.

And if you need support with that especially in the area of relationships, then take this limited time opportunity to access the Better Partner Project - my 4 week accelerator course in relationships for men.

The Better Partner project is the first 4-step course in relationships for men that combines done-for-you psychology, easy actions and communication tools to help you finally become the partner you've always wanted to be (and that she deserves). Without guesswork, confusion or pretending to be someone you're not. Enrol here, get instant access, start when you want.

I trust you will get something from it - as might a man in your world, please pass it on to anyone you think will benefit from it.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

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