Everyday Legends

It's been a belief of mine for a while now that many of the most messed up and avoidable issues we have on a global scale are the result of dysfunctional, disconnected, and discontent men.

To expand upon that, even more, I think we have a problem with how we portray what a healthy and mature man is, and we lack adequate passages and initiations into true grown-ass mature manhood.

As a result, we have many men, through no fault of their own, going about life still running some outdated and adolescent psychology. When I say 'no fault of their own' I mean we learn what we learn growing up, we model what is modelled to us and so at the point of just going about living how we've learnt to live and to make our way in the world we do just that; our best with what we've learnt and been given.

But unfortunately, many of us fall short in being healthy men - which, hopefully, you can start to see, is totally understandable when we haven't had a healthy idea of wTF that is.

So - dysfunctional, disconnected, discontent, disenfranchised even - and we have men who are too in their head, or too in their anger, or too in their fists, or too in their sensitivity, we have men who can't find the middle ground of being a useful, healthy and mature men and member of commnuity.

This certainly isn't to shame on men - fuck no - it's to point out some shit that hasn't been working for us and direct us to how we can be better, for ourselves and those we influence.

It'd also not to totally blame men for the world's wrongs - fuck no - but it is to offer some shit that we get to own and improve upon.

One of the incredibly obvious ways in which men who haven't learnt how to deal with the shit from their past and truly grow into healthy manhood cause damage in the world is violence on themselves and violence on others.

We have shelters for battered women and victims of family violence - all incredibly important and much needed things. But one thing we absolutely need is work and support for men to heal, grow, and become safe, mature, and loving men so we can prevent the violence in the first place.

Enter Matt Brown (and his wife Sarah) - founders of She is not your rehab - a powerful organisation and movement working to change ideas of masculinity through supporting, educating and empowering men to transform the pain of their past instead of transmitting it onto others.

They have made some huge waves globally, even getting The Rock himself into a campaign of theirs.

Beyond that, they have done remarkable work both in places like New Zealand's high-security prisons, throughout the community, and in Matt's barbershops My Father's Barber.

Matt and I discuss his own story from a "volatile childhood" of abuse and violence to healing his own pain to starting to cut hair in order to connect with men, and then the forming of She is not your rehab and the wonderful work they are doing.

I trust you will get something from it - as might a man in your world, please pass it on to anyone you think will benefit from it. I had a great chat with Matt and am a HUGE supporter of their work. You can find out more about him and the work they're doing and how to access the book below.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

• She Is Not Your Rehab
• Get the Book here
• Matt on IG
• SINYR on IG
• Video campaign that got The Rock involved

Matt's Bio:

Matt Brown, is a New Zealand born Samoan and an internationally acclaimed barber, hair artist, communicator, husband, and father of three children known for 'giving great cuts' and 'inspiring great men.'

He is a survivor of family violence and childhood sexual abuse and shares his story with the men who frequent his busy Christchurch and Palmerston North barbershops, My Fathers Barbers, as a way to foster vulnerability, healing, and connection. He has facilitated multiple barbering programs inside Christchurch Men's Prison, Te Puna Wai O Tuhinapo, a Christchurch youth justice facility and was named a Corrections NZ patron in 2020.

Matt has cut everyone from All Blacks to the Wu Tang Clan but his true calling; he believes lies in his work to redefine societies view of masculinity and to help end the cycle of domestic violence affecting whānau all over New Zealand.

In 2018, Matt and Sarah partnered with the Ministry of Social Development as ambassadors for their 'It's not OK Campaign' and are proud ambassadors for the work of Aviva Families, a family violence service centre in Christchurch. In collaboration with them, Matt hosts a men's anti-violence support group from his barbershop.

Together they co-founded She Is Not Your Rehab and launched the concept in Matt's 2019 TEDx talk. He says the movement is an invitation for men to acknowledge their own childhood trauma and to take responsibility for their healing so that they can transform their pain instead of transmitting it to those around them.

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One of the things I've often seen in the world of personal development is men coming in to do some work on themselves and to 'grow', but a lot of that is being driven by a desire to become more immune to judgement.

We get into the work so that we can become more approvable to others, therefore, less open to some kind of hurt, rejection, judgement, wounding.

This is not and cannot be the aim - for that is just attempting to create a shinier veneer, a more presentable and approval armour that we still hide behind.

The aim has to be self-acceptance - the full spectrum acceptance of all of you, including the parts we might have shoved (or have shamed) into the shadows of my existence.

This idea of what might be a pervasive side of the world of personal development, and potentially what some may be building a business on is a topic close to the heart and mind of this week's guest, Henare O'Brien.

This week we discuss some of the darker sides of personal development, some of the, well, let's call it what it seems to be - hypocrisy in those at the top of this world, those espousing the loudest voices in personal growth.

We explore some of Henare's own experiences in this world and the impact on himself.

We also enter into conversation about men, about what he thinks is falling down in the support of men; too much telling men how to live and not enough integrity in showing them through lived example.

I have to admit, some of this conversation challenged me and some of my beliefs. I feel I could have dug into this more and challenged Henare more on it - but this is me being a human and using hindsight. Alas, I didn't, and so the conversation here is what it is!

I trust you will get something from it - as might a man in your world, please pass it on to anyone you think will benefit from it.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

• https://www.henareobrien.com/about

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It was 2015 and I started to realise over many conversations with many men about their challenges and things they were facing in their lives that I was answering their pleas for advice and support with the same answer (thereabouts) - 'Have you tried having a conversation about that?'

What became apparent to me was that something that had become pretty bloody normal and easy (easiER) for me - to connect to the conversation I needed to have despite the discomfort the idea of that conversation might bring with it - others just weren't even contemplating.

It was THE answer to most of the things challenging these men; go and talk to your partner about that thing, share what you need with your father, ask your boss for a raise instead of bending over backwards behind the scene hoping they notice all your passive attempts to have your value noticed.

You know?

From this idea another one formed; men aren't having the conversations we need to have, we're sticking on the surface where it seems safe and our lives are constant windows into the consequences.

That gave birth to Beyond The Beers - Taking a beer with mates to new depths and actually talking about the shit that matters. BTB started as a show and then became a series of live events bringing men together and taking action on the shit that matters and visiting our own depths so we can more securely do so in our lives.

That is essentially what led to this podcast and a lot of my work now; supporting me in going to their depths.

In this week's episode, I have revisited an older Q&A question about having challenging conversations in our relationships and I have expanded on it with some personal experience.

The thing about a tough conversation si that it's very rarely as bad as we make it out to be beforehand.

So in this episode, I explore this and how to do it.

I trust you'll gain something from this.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

Where to access BETTER PARTNER PROJECT:

• Better Partner Project

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Here's something we STRUGGLE with as men - anger.

We shame it, we stuff it away, we shambles it and explode with it inappropriately. We just don't know how to deal with, express and DO anger.

Many men have never learnt how to manage and effectively express anger, some learnt incredibly unhealthy and shitty ways of dealing with anger - to explode, to be violent, and to essentially have other people deal with our vomiting of it onto them and into our relationships and interactions.

If nothing else, it leaves a gaping hole for us to deal with a lot of our own shit.

I've had many questions about it over the years, helped many men understand their outburst reactions, own the emotion and own their shit.

I recently posted on social media about the difference between having anger and being violent, with a solid response wanting more on the topic. So, here we are.

Today I explore the post I made and then dive into a story of my own where I share with you an example of an anger experience of my own and how I handled it.

I explore the options I had in the moment, and that we all have when anger visits us.

I break down what I did and how you can follow suit. And I explore how and why we must explore, express and own not only anger that comes to us but old historical anger we might have stuffed away or never properly dealt with over the years.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

• GYST 101 - Get Your Shit Together

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I am always learning many things, all the time - still learning.

Some things I keep learning over and over - kind of implying I'm not bloody learning them at all.

And then there are ones that I learn again and again but in a new way or on a new level, almost.

One of those is this: man, as individuals and as a society we need the wisdom, experience, insight, and practises of elders; those people advanced in age (perhaps) but sage in themselves and experienced in those years.

For the longest part of human history - up until the global expansion of the agricultural age on one new level and then the dawn of the industrial age on an all-new, and almost entirely eradicating new level, we were a species that lived in small tribal bands and communities where young, old, babies and elderly, couples and families lived in close quarters, everyone had a role, everyone had a purpose.

One of the central roles to a healthy, functioning and mature - initiated - society was the role of the elder; the people who could guide not only the youth, but those entering into marriage and parenthood and slowly taking over the majority of the responsibility of the community.

Elders would initiate the young, pass on wisdom and knowledge, tell stories and share the lesson to life in myth and song, and cultural stories. They would sit with the young and facilitate respect, patience, grace, and humility. They were a crucial part of individuals growing into responsible adults, as well as the healthy functioning of the clan.

Then BANG, we lose that, and widely present throughout most Western, and certainly European cultures, we don't have this. Instead, we have a generation of eldery, or 'olders, perhaps. We have lost the respect and reverence for the wisdom in our older generation, instead, they have been taught to chase the solo life of retirement and end of life fulfilment, turning away from the role, while the rest of us happily shove them to the corner of our psyche and our society, into the care homes and minimum security prisons, as Jerry Seinfeld once called retirement homes.

We have lost the role and importance of true elders unless individuals choose to follow that path.

They exist, but it's not really a self-appointed tag. As one elder I admire and follow, Francis Weller, says:

"Eldership comes about when the youth come for something" - because this is something have been pondering - ' how do we create more elders when they are limited, we just have old people and they never had elders bringing them through and showing them the way?

And now I get it - we, the 'youth' create this by going to those people and asking for something; guidance, support, wisdom, insight, initiation.

This was evident to me in meeting and chatting in this episode with today's guest, John Moulang.

I'm not entirely sure if john would agree with my summation here, but we do get into it in this episode. As we do his own story in parts. While he has quite the introduction in being captured, poisoned, raped, and even being in a coma, we don't spend too much time in those stories. After all, in one short podcast, episode, while it might be entertaining to hear those stories, we are here to learn some insight from him, and as John so wisely put it, not everyone gets access to your full story until they earn the right.

That's what sitting with elders can do; impart little gems like this while also earning the right to the deeper stories and lessons.

We also discuss elements of the shadow and men's work that john has been heavily influential in over the years.

I suspect I personally will have many more conversations with John over the years, and perhaps record one or two so that we can learn from him and other elders like him (just don't expect him to call himself an elder, as I won't call myself a 'legend' - just make a podcast with that title as something to strive a life towards ;-) )

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

John has explored and experienced much of South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, India, Nepal, Pakistan and Thailand.

He had intentions to build a career in surfing until a skateboard accident switched his focus to music – firstly as a percussionist then adding guitar and vocals as he developed his craft into a career. The years have also been given to architecture, project management, counselling and meditation training.

In more recent years, John has offered consultancy to accessibility for people with a disability while contributing to 'men's work', co-creating the annual Sydney National Men's Gathering.

Now, as president of the National Men's Gathering Association, he continues expanding its offerings to regional areas and being more inclusive.

John launched his first book of poetry THE HEART OF ONE in 2020 with the second coming out in September 2021, titled DREAM WAKE LISTEN SEE.

John is currently restructuring and consolidating into TRIMTAB 24.7 with three parts - being Trimtab Access, Trimtab Creative and Trimtab Leadership.

Trimtab Leadership supports those who are already leaders wanting to be better leaders evolving to great leaders – with infinite impeccability.

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/John-Moulang-Poet-115538350179266
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/johnmoulangpoet/

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There is an increasingly common theme with some men who reach out to me and that I work with. Not all, but the numbers are steady. And that is men who have either divorced or separated from their children's mother and now living in a whole new set of experiences.

Not only is there the man wanting to heal old relationships and potentially the wounds and mechanisms that played out in that relationship, but there is navigating fatherhood with a new and challenging set of parameters.

Co-parenting means communicating with the person with whom you have had a relationship end, often times a messy breakdown. It also commonly means part-time solo parenting.

This can be an incredibly challenging situation to get through, especially when you add in the very human desire - at some point in time - for a new relationship and other life-consuming things such as work or business.

Enter this week's podcast guest, Pete Tansley.

Pete is a friend of mine, a wonderful business coach for fitness professionals, maker of tasty margaritas, and divorced father and co-parent of 8-year-old twins.

In today's episode of the podcast, Pete and I explore his story of parenthood, the details around in that pertain to the relationship between him and the twin's mother at the time, and his business; a place of additional stress and reprieve from both fatherhood and marriage.

Pete shares generously his experience, his challenges, and some of the areas he dopped the ball. We also look at where he's got to now in terms of his own growth and awareness of past mistakes and future relationships.

We also explore some of his brilliant business and personal development philosophies that can definitely buck the cliched trend.

I enjoyed this chat with Pete, and think there will be some solid takeaways for not only those men in similar situations now and previously, but men with relationships and businesses.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

• Websites: https://petetansley.com/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/petetansley
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/petetansley/

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There are many things men are often terrified of being and/or terrified of being seen as. Being or being seen as - sometimes the reality doesn't seem as daunting as other people thinking the reality is true.

Being wrong, incapable, weak are a few of the big ones that I've mentioned on this podcast before.

And then there is another, one that carries with it so much social stigma it really only gets put in the darkest of corners for the saddest of people.

What is it that we fear being and being seen as along with these heavy hitters?

LONELY.

Loneliness is a dirty word in so many places and in so many psyches, that we avoid even contemplating it.

As a result, we struggle to even be alone.

We're with someone at a cafe, restaurant or bar, they get up to go to the bathroom. They'll be gone a few minutes, maximum. And what do we do? We pull out our phones, we distract ourselves from a moment with ourselves.

We are a society that fears being alone and much more, being lonely.

Not only does it have this impact on how we view ourselves and the direct resulting impact on our mental and emotional health, but loneliness has now been clearly shown as a massive contributor acutely to poor immune function and chronically to reducing longevity.

Loneliness is something that so many people feel and experience in a kind of bastardised and self-shamed way.

And so, we must talk about it.

In today's episode of the podcast, I am extremely pleased and proud to have on The Loneliness Guy, Phil McAuliffe.

Not only is Phil an expert in working with both diplomates and gay men around the issue of loneliness, but he is one of the first graduates of my coaching program back in 2016, and now very much an integral part of the coaching aspect in the community in Everyday Legends Academy.

In this episode, we explore Phil's own story of not only realising that he was lonely - despite working on his younger self's dream job as a diplomat in Seoul and various other countries around the globe - but then coming out as lonely to his then-wife.

This would then take a whole new level of self-realisation, self-connection, and self-assessment as Phil realised part of his loneliness, as is often the case with many of us, was the realisation of how much of himself he had been hiding behind a self-protective mask.

We dive into Phil's story which I think has wonderful insights for so many, be you someone who resonates with the feeling of loneliness yourself, or someone who simply wants to connect to yourself more and get more from the everyday.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

Phil passionate about de-stigmatising loneliness and creating a safe space for people to authentically connect with themselves, those people around them and their communities.

Loneliness - especially chronic loneliness - is an awful feeling. Phil's battled, and continues to battle at times, feelings of loneliness and knows how wretched and unworthy it can make us feel.

Loneliness is part of the human condition, but there's such stigma in admitting our loneliness and we often deny the thoughts and feelings that come with loneliness and hope that they'll just go away. They don't. Phil tried that.

The antidote to loneliness is connection. We need connection for our mental, emotional and physical wellness. But connection – authentic connection – is hard work, especially when we're all so busy or we don't even know how to connect with each other.

With love and curiosity, Phil uses his story and life observations to show a way for you to begin the journey back to real, authentic connection that you need and deserve.

You can find Phil's blogs and podcasts at www.thelonelinessguy.com (site for gay men) and www.thelonelydiplomat.com (for diplomats) and on social media at the links below.

• Websites: http://www.thelonelinessguy.com and http://www.thelonelydiplomat.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheLonelinessGuy and https://www.facebook.com/thelonelydiplomat
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_loneliness_guy and https://www.instagram.com/the_lonely_diplomat

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An often asked question and butchered answer based on a set of beliefs we grow up with or learn along the way - this question is one I've been asked and seen play out in tremendously ignorant, immature and just plain stupid ways.

All of which understandable.

Can men and women actually be friends without messing it up with sex and attraction?

Well, I address it in today's punchy solo episode taken from (and expanded upon) a previously filmed Q&A video on my social media.

I address the question both in its natural context: can men and women be friends? And also in the context of a relationship where one partner might have an issue with the other partner still having strong female friendships (this questions asked of me by a guy, as is usually the way).

I love doing these types of Q&A videos for you, so if you have your own question you'd like me to explore and speak directly to you - via the global portal that is the internet then drop me an email and send me your question.

My request is that you make it specific yet precise - give me context and details but don't chew my ear off or it will be very hard to get all of that across to the viewer in the recording.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

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I often get asked the question "How did you get into this work with men?" - with a commonly preconceived idea that it was some kind of obvious rock-bottom or really traumatic event that led to me turning my life around and then getting into the work to help men in the same situation.

While that might be a sexy story, it's not the case. What is true is that my story like everyone's, hold crucial events that are vitally relative to their own life experiences. So, what I did go through eventually led me to get into this work.

However, I m often interested my self in the journey of other men who end up doing similar work.

Enter this week's guest, Bryan Reeves, a former Captin in the United States Airforce, now life and relationships coach for men and couples. That is a journey I am interested to hear - airforce to coach on love, essentially.

Byran is a fascinating guy, with a huge heart, an incredibly smart head and a wonderful way with words.

In this episode, we explore some of the language around boys and men and differentiate between some key aspects, such as his quote "Boys save, men serve" which is a fascinating take on mindset and psychology, especially from a former US serviceman.

We explore some of Bryan's wonderful insights into moving from being broke and attaching his entire identity to it, to realising that "My situation is not my identity. My bank account is not my identity. How much money I have is my identity, it's just how much money I have at that moment. Who am I? Well, I'm not my bank account, I'm not my living situation, I'm not my past."

He shares some of his journeys into trusting men and trusting himself, ultimately. If you're a man who has struggled to move from placing your identity into the things you collect or to trust yourself, this episode is for you.

Bryan has some phenomenal work, including a recently released book 'Choose her every day (or leave her)' - you can hear us talk about that in this episode, and you can find it below.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan is now an internationally renowned Author and Life/Relationship Coach, and host of the podcast, "Men, This Way." His viral blog has been read by over 30 million people in every country on the planet (except North Korea). His newest book, Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her), is now available on Amazon and other retailers, and also at www.bryanreeves.com/book.

• [email protected] / [email protected]
• Home - https://bryanreeves.com
• Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/bryanreevesofficial
• Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/bryanreevvesinsight
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@bryanreevesinsight?

BOOKS

1) "Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)" @ https://bryanreeves.com/book

2) "Tell The Truth, Let The Peace Fall Where It May" on Amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01EJZKENO

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In my work, I get asked many questions about men, what it means to be a man, about understanding men, and about supporting men.

One that pops up now and again is something like this: "Have you ever thought about working with young men and doing this work in schools? Man, it would be so powerful!"

I agree. It would be.

But I've always said and still stick by the point that I work with grown-ass men because, fundamentally, I'm working with me from about 12 years ago. I work with the men who resonate with me and that I get along with.

Legit, if you listen to me, watch my content, follow my stuff and in amongst all of the lessons and 'SHIT Mike is speaking TO ME!" moments you think "Mike sounds like a dude I could have beers/coffee/laugh with." it's because you could.

Which, as a quick aside, might be evidence enough to get your shit moving and start working with me and my team.

Anyway, back to the point - the other thing I say in response to this is this "I don't think I'm the best man for the job, and I know of wonderful organisations that are doing the work in schools with young men. I am happy to support them and their great work."

Specifically, two organisations come to mind when I say this. One of them is called Man Cave.

Man Cave is founded by a man called Hunter Johnson. And Hunter is my guest on the podcast this week.

Hunter and I venture into the remarkable work Man Cave are and have been doing for some years now.

We explore what he sees in the young men they work with, and what he sees in them that is also perhaps still in many of us. Including, in this, some of Hunter's personal journey and realisations in even starting the organisation.

We dive into Huner's take on how we tend to have a crisis management approach to things like sexual violence and mental health in men and instead, looking at their proactive, educational, and ultimately, empowering model of not just talking about men or to them but with them. Especially young men who are often incredibly confused at the multiple conflicting and highly important messages coming at them every day.

This was a fun conversation wandering through many aspects of masculinity and working with men both young and those in their mid-life years. Not only that but we hear a phenomenal story from Hunter about meeting the Queen at Buckingham Palace and having several meeting with Prince Harry and Meagan about the state of mental health in young men and the work Man Cave is doing to reverse that.

As always, if you have questions about it - ask me. Hit me on social media @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

Hunter Johnson is the Founder & CEO of two purpose-driven organisations. Hunter leads The Man Cave, an emotional intelligence charity that has impacted the lives of 20,000 young men across Australia. Hunter also leads STUFF™, an investor-backed, purpose-driven personal care brand for the next generation of men. Alongside his work in the masculinity space, Hunter is an Advisor to The Queen's Commonwealth Trust (QCT), a charity championing young people throughout the Commonwealth alongside Prince Harry, the President of QCT.

Hunter's work has led him to speak around the world including presenting at the United Nations, Government House, Human Rights Commission, Sydney Opera House, Melbourne Town Hall, Graduation Ceremonies and various Universities. Hunter has been recognised as a Finalist for the 2020 Young Australian of the Year Awards (VIC), listed as one of Harper's Bazaar's "Visionary Men for 2019", named a 2018 Queen's Young Leader by Her Majesty The Queen, and 2018 Winner of the EY Social Entrepreneur of the Year Award (Southern Region).

The Man Cave

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STUFF

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