Evolutionary Men

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about offensive love, a phrase that came out of our shadow work group a year ago. We get into why going on offense with your heart means being willing to shock the sleepiness out of a relationship, how waiting keeps you defended with your wife, your kids, and other men, what touch and unspoken tension have shown me about my own habits, and why the pain you avoid keeps weighing you down.

Get involved:

• Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Quiz
• Follow Evolutionary Men
• Join the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat

Performance anxiety in bed, whether it shows up as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, often starts somewhere you've probably never looked. Somatic sex educator Rahi Chun joins me to talk about porn, stress, and the tension your pelvic floor has been holding for years.

Rahi explains genital dearmoring and why a tight pelvic floor cuts blood flow and makes you finish faster. He also names an early sign worth noticing: trouble emptying your bladder. Then we get into why more young men are showing up with ED and PE, and how porn became sex education for a lot of us. It did for me. Porn trains your body to rush toward a result.

We also talk about loneliness, and why closer friendships with other men take pressure off sex with your partner. And what changes when you stop chasing performance and let yourself feel what's happening in your body.

• Learn more about Rahi's work at rahichun.com, and join his list to hear when Sovereign, his men's sexual wholeness course, opens
• Divine Union for Lovers, Rahi's work for couples with his wife Ariel

Get involved:

• Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Quiz
• Follow Evolutionary Men

In this episode I talk with Dr. Daniel Ellenberg. He has directed men's groups for more than forty years and earned the Practitioner of the Year award from the American Psychological Association's division for the psychology of men. He names the mistake he sees men keep making generation after generation, and then we explore the idea of precarious manhood and why vulnerability continues to be seen as a weakness. We also discuss why many men attempt to manage all their problems alone and what happens when a man stops hiding the parts of himself that cause him shame.

• Join Dr. Daniel Ellenberg, Keith Martin-Smith, and James Baraz in their 9-month Strength with Heart Training
• Learn more about Dr. Ellenberg
• Learn about the Men and Boys Compassion Coalition

Get involved:

Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Quiz

Follow Evolutionary Men

In this episode I'm again joined by Dr. Luke Adler, this time to to talk about shadow work as a way to save your relationship. We get into the nice guy pattern of going along to get along, why controlling your partner's reactions is really about avoiding your own feelings, and how a relationship without real presence slides into a predator and prey dynamic. We talk about the implicit agreements quietly running your relationship and what it actually takes to break them.

• Join the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat
• Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype Quiz
• Join the mailing list

In this episode I break down why so many men feel stuck. It comes down to two energetic holds I watch men make over and over that burn enormous energy and produce no movement so from the inside it feels like nothing is happening. I share where they come from, what they cost you in your body and your relationships, and what I've seen actually get men unstuck. Then I leave you with two quick questions to find where you're doing both of these things.

• Join the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat
• Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype Quiz
• Join the mailing list

In this episode I invite Alistair Moes, who has operated his own anger management practice for over 31 years and has worked with more than 15,000 men and women, to discuss what truly occurs in the body when anger takes over, why many of us either explode or shut down and label it handling things, and what it means to meet conflict from the adult inside you rather than the wounded kid. We explore the family patterns that shaped each of our approaches to anger, and the practice that reveals which one is actually in control at any given moment.

Moose Anger Management

Get Involved

• Discover Your Evolutionary Edge
• Join the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat
• Become a Pillar of Presence for the feminine

In this episode I invite Dr. Luke Adler to discuss what shadow work is really for. We explore why the deepest pain in a group of men often sits right beside laughter and gratitude, the "kink in the hose" model described in The Heart of Shadow that shows where life force becomes stuck, and why men struggle to celebrate what is going right or to accept a compliment without deflecting it.

• Free Workshop Monday August 24th: RAGE & ANGER
• Join the Fall 2026 Heart of Shadow NOW
• Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype Quiz

In this episode I invite relationship and dating coach Shana James, author of Honest Sex and The Honest Dating Guide, to discuss why many men see honesty as a loss of power. We explore nice guy conditioning, the scarcity that pushes us to posture rather than speak the truth, the distinction between attachment and desire, and what really occurs in the body when vulnerability feels dangerous instead of intimate.

• Honest Dating Guide + Companion Course
• Honest Sex Book
• Shana's Website
• Man Alive

In this episode I break down the moment I lost it with my daughter over a coloring page, the sharp voice, the walk to the car when I realized what I'd just done to her. I get into Dan Siegel's hand model of the brain, why your kid feels your nervous system more than your words, and where you're supposed to put that charge when your family isn't the place to dump it.

• Join us Monday August 24th for Rage & Anger: How to Wisely Channel Your Power as a Man
• Build your space to bring your tantrums in The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about shadow work for regaining your power, especially for nice guys who've gone allergic to their own force and desire. We get into the difference between power over and power under, why so many men carry a clog in their body around their center, and how father wounds shape our relationship to anger and protection.

Join us in reclaiming your power in The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat