In this episode I sit down with Keith Martin-Smith, an award-winning author, Zen priest, martial artist, and one of my oldest, dearest friends. We've been sitting in circle together for almost 20 years.

Keith grew up in a working-class Irish Catholic family on the East Coast, where his father never shed a tear his entire life and shutting down was just what men did. We get into how he came out of that conditioning, what 20 years of Zen and men's work has transmitted to him, and why the most elite warriors on the planet are also the most sensitive men in the room.

A few things we get into:

• Why most men are reacting to their lives instead of responding
• The difference between being seen and being known
• What a real men's group does that therapy structurally can't
• Why it's important for nice guys to feel their anger

If you've ever wondered what men's work actually is beyond the caricature, this is a solid place to start.

Learn more about Keith

Attend the Strength with Heart Masterclass June 7th, 2026

Curious which of the 9 masculine archetypes you embody and your strengths and edges as a man?

Discovery your type and take the free assessment at quiz.evolutionary.men.

In this episode I talk about freeze, the response in men that hides in plain sight. Fight gets respect. Flight at least looks like movement. Freeze just looks like you vanished, and most of the time nobody even clocks it, including you. Plus on top of that a lot of men get praised for being steady when what's actually happening inside them is immobilization.

I've lived inside this one for most of my life, in the conversations that mattered, the choices I couldn't make, the moments I needed to show up and couldn't find my way there. In this one I get into what's actually happening in your body when you freeze up, why the pattern runs so deep, how to head it off at the pass when possible, and what happens when you do really freeze and can't get yourself out of it.

Curious which of the 9 masculine archetypes you embody?

Take the free assessment at quiz.evolutionary.men.

In this episode I bring on Benjamin Roth and Jeff Raab to explore how improv and theater work can help men get out of their heads and into their bodies. We talk about the courage it takes to make bold choices without overthinking, how to stay present when you cant control the outcome, and why developing comfort with failure might be one of the most important masculine capacities for navigating life and relationships.

Join the online workshop Sunday March 29th at 1pm Pacific.

Register at https://evolutionary.men/improv

The Guests

Benjamin Roth participated in the first cohort of Evolutionary Men’s Pillars of Presence. He is part of the main faculty at the LA-based improv studio Improv for the People, where he has taught for 8 years. He is passionate about combining his improv background with years of practice in mindfulness, embodiment and authentic relating to support others in cultivating their unique personal expression to have better relationships with themselves and with others. 

Jeff Raab completed the Heart of Shadow program in 2025. He is a theater artist and educator, performing professionally all over the country and teaching theater students of all ages. He is a certified Miller Voice Method teacher, and teaches Voice and Diction in the Theater Department at Southern Connecticut State University. He holds an MFA in Classical Acting, trained Clown and Commedia dell’Arte at the Dell’Arte School of Physical Theatre, and is certified in energy healing practices including Shamanism and Reiki. Everything he does is ultimately in service of activating creativity and empowering authenticity. www.jeffreymichaelraab.com.

After more than 3 years and 7 cohorts of The Heart of Shadow program and retreat for men, Luke and I are thrilled to be teaming up with my wife Violet to bring the experience to women.

Many of the men that work with us ask how they can support their partners and the women in their life, and we're thrilled to say we think The Heart of Shadow for Women is one of those ways!

The three of us talk about shadow work and the many ways its the same for men and women, and the many ways it's different!

Learn more about the Heart of Shadow for Women at https://heartofshadow.com/women

In this episode I bring on my friend and practicing couples therapist Ryan Ginn to break down what separates great couples therapy from a waste of your time and money. If you've ever felt like you and your partner were just venting to a silent witness every session, or you're trying to figure out where to even start looking for the right fit, this one's for you.

Ryan and I get into the leadership quality you want from a therapist, why nervous system training matters way more than just talking about your problems, and how to know when it's time to find someone new. We also cover the trap of litigating the past, what it means to actually train your relational capacity in session, and the willingness both partners need to bring for any of it to work.

Learn more about Ryan at https://ryanginn.com and https://www.beingmen.net/

Lead your relationship with more depth in my Pillars of Presence program

Reconnect, Repair, and Reignite your relationship at via 12 Epic Dates and Evolutionary Couples

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler, my co-facilitator in the Heart of Shadow program, to dive into shadow work for one of the most common struggles I see in men: knowing what you feel but not being able to say it. That chasm between awareness and expression, between what's happening inside and actually moving sound through your body and into a conversation. We break down why so many of us freeze when it matters most and what's actually underneath that freeze.

We explore the origin stories of why our nervous systems learned to lock things up in the first place, the difference between vulnerability and transparency, and why a men's group is often the only place where you can finally practice bringing yourself forward in a way that actually sticks. If you've ever had words stuck in your throat with a partner, struggled to have a hard conversation, or just felt like something is blocked between what you know and what you can say, this one's for you.

Join the next Heart of Shadow cohort at https://heartofshadow.com

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to explore how shadow work can transform your sex life. We dig into why so many men use ejaculation as their primary emotional release tool and what happens when sex becomes responsible for making us feel better. We unpack the connection between safety, relaxation, and arousal, and why performance anxiety often stems from deeper places we don't want to look at. We also explore what shifts when sex becomes an expression of connection rather than a destination to escape to. If you've ever wondered why "better sex" isn't about technique, this one's for you.

Shadow work creates the capacity to feel more, stay present, and stop using sex to discharge what we haven't learned to process. When we release our partners from the burden of managing our emotional lives, something opens up. And when we have a group of men to hold our vulnerability, we stop needing our intimate relationships to do all that work. The path to better sex runs through your gut, your heart, and the shadows you've been avoiding.

Join the next Heart of Shadow cohort at heartofshadow.com

Watch on Youtube

In this episode my wife Violet and I break down why your relationship can’t always be sunny and perfect—and why that’s actually a good thing. We walk through the four seasons of relationships and the reality of how different parts of your partnership can be in completely different seasons at the same time. Your sex life might be in spring while your emotional connection is in winter, and not knowing that can keep you confused about what’s actually going wrong.

If you’ve ever wondered why the spark faded or why connection feels harder than it used to, this episode will help you understand what’s actually happening—and what to do about it before you lose years to autopilot.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Join our free connection date night for couples at https://evolutionarycouples.us/evolutionofus

Learn more about our programs Evolutionary Couples and 12 Epic Dates at https://evolutionarycouples.us

In this episode Luke and I dive into the shadow of worry and rumination that keeps so many men trapped in their heads. We break down why living from the shoulders up isn't strength, it's avoidance. You'll hear about the subtle ways fear masquerades as logic, how productivity can become procrastination, and why jacking off might be your nervous system's go-to discharge pattern. We get into the real work of traversing from your head to your heart to your guts, and why community isn't optional for this journey.

Find out about the next Heart of Shadow Men's Group and retreat at https://evolutionary.men/heartofshadow

In this episode my wife Violet and I share the five scariest moments in our relationship. These weren't just hard conversations or minor disagreements, but the moments where both of us genuinely questioned whether we'd make it, whether we'd chosen the right partner, or whether we were trapped in patterns we couldn't escape. We get specific about what actually happened, the deep fears underneath each crisis, and the exact moves that allowed us to work through the terror instead of letting it end things.

If you've ever had that gut-punch moment in your relationship where you think "is this it, is this over?" then listen in! Every long-term couple hits these inflection points where fear can either derail everything or become the catalyst for deeper trust and connection. Tune in to learn how we did it, what we'd do differently, and why these scary moments became some of the most important turning points in building a relationship that actually works.

Join our FREE CONNECTION DATE NIGHT for couples at https://evolutionarycouples.us/evolutionofus

Go on 12 Epic Dates and/or do the Evolutionary Couples program at https://evolutionarycouples.us