EVOLVE with Dr. Tay: the podcast for parents of autistic kids

dr. tay dives deep into perfectionism — how it shows up in autism parenting, in clinical work, and even in content creation. she shares personal reflections, a powerful story from her group therapy model, and a reminder that perfectionism can hide behind our best intentions to help.

this episode explores:

1. the fine line between accommodation and over-accommodation
2. perfectionism as a form of rigidity and how it sneaks into parenting
3. learning to release shame and accept imperfection as part of growth

00:00 introduction: what perfectionism looks like in parenting

00:54 reflections from clinical practice and lived experience

01:33 perfectionism behind the scenes of podcasting and social media

02:36 when “doing it right” becomes doing too much

12:46 finding the balance between accommodation and over-accommodation

21:17 learning to release control and practice repair over perfection

25:15 a group reflection on perfectionism and shared growth

35:42 closing encouragement and ways to stay connected

⚡️ join evolve: the membership — a space for parents to reflect, connect, and grow through their autism journey.

⚡️ learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach and current clinical services at drtaylorday.com.

⚡️ continue learning from me and submit questions (they may be featured on a future episode!)

instagram → @the.dr.tay

tiktok → @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇

Dr. Tay sits down with Jessie Caraway, creator of the If You Know One Project, to talk about her family’s journey, her daughter’s autism diagnosis, and how the project grew out of a desire to build community and awareness.

They reflect on the long road to an autism diagnosis, reframing “high support needs,” and the importance of seeing each autistic child through a lens of humanity rather than fear or deficit. Jessie shares how her journey with her daughter, Eliza, inspired her to create the If You Know One Project — a space that celebrates individuality and connection through neurodiversity-affirming awareness, apparel, and storytelling.

Together, Dr. Tay and Jessie explore what it means to move forward with compassion, to hold complexity in parenting, and to remind families that every story — every one — matters.

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction and Guest Announcement

00:29 Host’s Background and Podcast Purpose

01:31 Guest Introduction and Family Background

02:01 Starting the If You Know One Project

03:29 Community Engagement and Resource Sharing

06:50 Challenges in the Diagnosis Journey

11:36 Navigating the Healthcare System

18:23 The If You Know One Project’s Mission and Future Goals

22:59 Navigating the Journey Together

23:22 Support for Families

24:04 Community and Connection

24:33 Understanding High Support Needs

25:22 The Value of Individuality

26:20 Perspective Shifts and Humanity

28:24 Building Trust and Communication

32:19 Sharing Stories and Advocacy

36:12 Encouragement for Parents

38:56 Final Thoughts and Resources

💛 RESOURCES

⚡️ Connect with Jessie Caraway + The If You Know One Project:

Instagram → @jess_ifyouknowone

Etsy Shop → If You Know One

⚡️ Join EVOLVE: The Membership — a neurodiversity-affirming space for parents to find community, support, and ongoing learning on this journey.

⚡️ Learn more about Dr. Tay’s Whole Family Approach + current services at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ Continue learning + submit questions for future episodes:

Instagram → @the.dr.tay

TikTok → @the.dr.tay

this episode is a replay of my instagram live q+a, where we processed the recent press conference linking autism and tylenol. i shared reflections on research, stigma, and neurodiversity-affirming care, and answered parent questions in real time.

we covered the nuance of research, medication conversations, ableism and stigma, and most importantly — how parents can ground themselves and their families.

a special thank you to sam marion, lcsw (@sammarioncounseling) for moderating the live chat and helping to hold respectful space for this conversation.

toward the end of this episode, i introduce the just one thing challenge—a free 7-day practice designed to help parents slow down, ground themselves, and notice one small glimmer in the middle of daily overwhelm.

join the just one thing challenge starting monday, october 6th, 2025

– on instagram: follow @the.dr.tay and message JOTCHALLENGE

– not on instagram? sign up here

00:00 introduction + intent of the live

01:46 introducing sam marion

03:51 processing the press conference

06:20 what neurodiversity affirming care really means

07:50 dr. tay’s background + perspective

09:52 making sense of autism research

12:36 diving into parent questions

24:05 responding to the administration’s narrative

39:54 fda-approved medications + leucovorin discussion

41:51 understanding pda + affirming supports

44:15 debunking tylenol + autism myths

45:56 confronting stigma + ableism

48:58 concerns about government policies

51:54 supporting autistic kids + families

01:10:51 the just one thing challenge

01:15:34 closing reflections + resources

⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership to find community + support in your parenting journey

⚡️ learn more about dr. tay's whole family approach + current clinical services offered at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ continue learning from me + submit questions that may be featured on a future episode >>

instagram @the.dr.tay

tiktok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇

In this mini, spontaneous episode, Dr. Tay addresses the recent press conference where the administration linked autism to Tylenol, causing guilt and anxiety among parents. She emphasizes the importance of taking time to process emotions, the prevalence of misinformation, and the need for compassion. Dr. Tay reassures listeners that it's okay to take a pause, mute social media, and focus on emotional processing rather than seeking immediate answers. She encourages parents to embrace their current reality with their autistic child and highlights the complexity of autism's causes.

00:00 Introduction

00:19 Addressing the Press Conference on Autism and Tylenol

00:52 Processing and Community Feedback

02:25 Neurodiversity and Emotional Support

05:08 Clarifying Misconceptions about Autism Causes

06:38 Encouragement and Self-Care Tips

09:47 Final Thoughts and Outro

RESOURCES

⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here to have a community support you during these trying times

⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>

Instagram @the.dr.tay

TikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇

In this mini episode, Dr. Tay shares a sneak peek into a training within EVOLVE the memberhsip. Sh dives into the concept of low demand parenting, particularly for families with children who resonate with the PDA profile. Dr. Tay introduces and explains the "3 Bucket Approach" to help parents manage demands and boundaries effectively. The episode also outlines the benefits of joining the membership where deeper guidance, resources, and community support are provided. Additionally, Dr. Tay highlights the importance of understanding family values and giving children autonomy, while maintaining necessary non-negotiable boundaries for safety and key family values.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview

00:36 Membership Insights and Podcast Differences

01:15 Introducing a New Resource

02:22 Understanding Low Demand Parenting

06:21 The Three Bucket Approach

06:55 Non-Negotiables and Key Family Values

08:41 The Shoulds: Dropping Unnecessary Demands

11:01 The Ideal or Yet Bucket

11:57 Practical Examples and Applications

15:48 Conclusion and Membership Invitation

18:00 Episode Wrap-Up and Future Content

RESOURCES

⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here

⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com

⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>

Instagram @the.dr.tay

TikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇

In this episode, Dr. Tay, a licensed child psychologist and parental coach specializing in neurodiversity affirming care, explores the concept of jealousy and why it is a valid and normal emotion. Dr. Tay discusses the importance of experiencing and processing jealousy, rather than suppressing it, and how this can impact personal growth and well-being. The episode also addresses the complexity of co-existing emotions like hope and jealousy, and provides insights on how to navigate these feelings as a parent of an autistic child. Dr. Tay shares personal stories, professional insights, and practical advice on emotion regulation to help parents better support themselves and their families.

00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview

00:05 Understanding Jealousy as a Valid Emotion

01:15 The Impact of Suppressing Emotions

04:06 Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Processing

12:06 Real-Life Applications and Parental Support

18:27 Affirmation and Momentum

18:42 Understanding Jealousy

19:06 Balancing Emotions

19:31 Validating Emotions

20:53 Navigating Jealousy and Hope

21:39 Seeking Support

24:00 Embracing Jealousy

26:38 Reflecting on Jealousy

33:15 Final Thoughts and Resources

RESOURCES

⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here and listen to my glimmers training that helps you to better understand progress

⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered. visit drtaylorday.com

⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>

Instagram @the.dr.tay

TikTok @the.dr.tay

 ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇

In this episode, Dr. Tay delves into the underexplored topic of couples therapy within the autism community, emphasizing its proactive rather than reactive use. Joined by Dr. Ali Perkinson, a neurodiverse couples therapist and licensed psychologist, the discussion covers how couples therapy can support harmonious family dynamics, understanding neurodiverse communication styles, and breaking down stigmas around couples therapy. Dr. Ali shares insights from her practice, highlighting the importance of co-regulation between parents and addressing executive functioning differences. The episode also offers practical tools such as the emotion wheel and the significance of sensory management, aiming to equip parents with strategies that can foster a more neuro-inclusive household.

00:00 Introduction to Couples Therapy in Autism Parenting

00:50 Meet Dr. Ali: Neurodiverse Couples Therapist

02:22 Understanding Neurodiverse Relationships

03:13 Communication Challenges in Neurodiverse Couples

07:15 Common Reasons Couples Seek Therapy

08:25 Proactive vs. Crisis Couples Therapy

10:56 Navigating New Autism Diagnoses as a Family

20:28 Tools and Tips for Neurodiverse Families

22:44 The Importance of Venting in Relationships

22:56 The Fixer Mentality: Strengths and Pitfalls

23:45 Alternative Date Night Ideas for Neurodiverse Couples

24:21 Co-Regulation and Physical Activities

24:54 Therapeutic Modalities for Couples

26:20 Exploring Psychedelic Therapy

30:32 Addressing Executive Dysfunction in Relationships

34:18 Understanding Neurodiverse Love Languages

38:01 The Value of Couples Therapy

40:14 Final Thoughts and Resources

RESOURCES

⚡️ connect with Dr. Ali on Instagram @connectingwithali and learn more about her practice Connection Squared

⚡️ resource to find a neurodiverse couples therapist or coach

⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com

⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>

Instagram @the.dr.tay

TikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇

In this episode, Dr. Tay discusses the chaos surrounding the start of a new school year, especially for families of autistic kids. Sharing insights and practical advice from her extensive experience, she addresses anticipatory anxiety, the challenges of advocating within educational systems, and the importance of psychological safety for children. The episode also provides resources on using tools like AI for understanding your rights and articulating your thoughts and emphasizes the power of collaboration with educators and advocates. Tune in for strategies to ensure your child's smooth transition into the school year.

00:00 Introduction to the Chaos of Starting School

02:02 Navigating the Chaos of School Starting

02:49 Anticipatory Anxiety and Its Impact

04:56 Advocating for Your Child in the School System

16:50 The Importance of Psychological Safety at School

21:57 Final Thoughts and Resources

25:51 Conclusion and Ways to Connect

 RESOURCES

⚡️check out episodes 53, 57, 115, and 142 to learn more about educational rights and advocacy

⚡️ LEARN more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com

⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>

Instagram @the.dr.tay

TikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇

this week, i’m giving you a behind-the-scenes listen into a question from inside EVOLVE the membership — my neurodiversity-affirming space for parents of autistic children. in our private weekly q&a, a parent asked how to explain their child’s autism diagnosis to other adults in a way that’s both clear and affirming.

in this episode, you’ll hear my full response, with approaches you can start using right away — from choosing identity-first language to framing your child’s strengths and support needs when talking with educators, family, and friends.

you’ll also get a feel for what it’s like inside EVOLVE the membership, where members can bring their real-life questions instead of turning to Google, ChatGPT, or social media, and get thoughtful, personalized guidance.

00:00 introduction

00:25 welcome to this parenting space

01:34 why EVOLVE the membership?

03:59 behind the scenes of EVOLVE the membership

06:37 this week’s Q&A

11:01 neuroaffirming language explained

22:29 conclusion and membership invitation

RESOURCES

⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here

⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com

⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>

Instagram @the.dr.tay

TikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇

In this episode, Dr. Tay addresses a commonly asked question: Is the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule, Second Edition (ADOS-2) necessary for an autism diagnosis? Dr. Tay explains what the ADOS-2 is, its role in autism evaluations, and clarifies that while it is a widely respected tool, it is not required for diagnosing autism. The episode emphasizes the importance of using multiple assessment tools and clinical judgment in making an autism diagnosis. Dr. Tay also offers guidance for parents on how to advocate for their children, including questions to ask clinicians. Finally, Dr. Tay highlights the importance of neurodiversity affirming practices and discusses the role of other evaluation tools and telehealth assessments.

00:00 Introduction and Common Questions

00:31 Understanding the ADOS-2

01:02 Training Levels and Misconceptions

02:09 Clinical vs. Research Use

04:07 Sensitivity, Specificity, and Misuse

06:50 Neurodiversity Movement and High Masking

10:26 Alternative Tools and Insurance Challenges

12:26 Challenges with Insurance-Mandated Assessments

12:45 Telehealth Evaluations: Validity and Tools

13:20 Alternative Assessment Tools for Autism

15:58 Key Questions to Ask Your Clinician

19:28 Understanding Autism Traits: Quantity vs. Quality

20:59 Free Resource Guide and Final Thoughts

RESOURCES

⚡️Download the Autism Traits Guide

⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here

⚡️ LEARN more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com

⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>

Instagram @the.dr.tay

TikTok @the.dr.tay