In this solo episode, I dive into Peter Wessel Zapffe’s haunting “existential elk” theory of consciousness — the idea that our self-awareness is both magnificent and unbearably heavy, like oversized antlers we were never built to carry. The topic resurfaced after my friend Aaron Inkrott recently shared the metaphor with me, and it immediately brought me back to when I first encountered it years ago in Thomas Ligotti’s The Conspiracy Against the Human Race.

As a psychotherapist who spends my days sitting with people’s despair, loneliness, and deep existential pain, I find myself drawn to these darker currents of thought. But I’m equally interested in how we can work creatively and hopefully within them. In this episode, I reflect on how Zapffe’s theory shows up in therapy — especially with teens and neurodivergent young adults — and how the metaphor of “the elk with oversized antlers” can help us understand both the burden and the possibility of consciousness.

I invite you to explore your own antlers, the weight you carry, and the ways therapy can help us hold our awareness with more courage, imagination, and maybe even meaning.