Ah college: a place where young minds realize their potential and where young wallets are mercilessly emptied by a combination of questionable self restraint and an unfeeling academic bureaucracy. While you're out of luck if you spend your book money on booze, you might be able to pay your tuition with the very skills you have cultivated during all those hours in which you played games instead of studying. Inspired by Blizzard's recent Heroes of the Dorm college tournament, we dive into the collegiate side of eSports. Money, fame, endorsements; everything is fair game as we lament college careers we never had.