My old friend Michael Teigen and I hike up Nelson Canyon to Whyte Lake on Hollyburn Mountain. We talk about death, pedophiles, and acting. The holy trinity. Hope you like it.
But first I complain about MUSIC AS POLLUTION.
I don't like classic rock. I don't like that Steely Dan song that we've all been forced to listen to.. Or the same Lynard Skynard songs you hear over and over on the radio. Like music hasn’t been made since 1970-whatever. It's the same with the Pop standards as well. I'm sick of them.
If I go into the Guardian drug store near my house I will invariably be humming Ed Sheeran for the rest of the day. And that music is awful.But I know it's me that is the problem, not Ed.
Earworm Sensitivity Disorder. It’s a real thing. Or as real as Restless Leg Syndrome or fybromyalgae. When I hear a song, good or bad, I cannot not digest it properly.
I agree restaurants require music in the background. But when it is deafening I try to get them to turn it down. It rarely works. I offer to pay them to turn it down. They look at me like I don’t like fun, or puppies or sunshine. So what am I to do? I have two options…
One: Exposure Therapy. I am going to listen to oldies music and other Jurassic dreck on my spotify account a little bit a day. I will do it under the guise of exposing my young children to all types of music even if it is the same three Bob Marley songs we’ve all heard one million times. Even if it is “Creep” by Radiohead as if they’ve never written another song. Even if it’s Steely fucking Dan and his simpering over-production.
Two: Stop Having Friends and Die Alone. This is an option. I have seen it. Not pretty. When I’m alone I argue with less people. When I’m alone I alienate fewer. When I’m alone I harm no one. But I don’t stop talking angrily. I just do it to myself. Which is worse? Being with people that aren’t exactly like you and keeping your mouth shut once in a while or dying alone muttering to yourself?
I require friendship more than anything else apart from reading and writing. This is truer now as I am old and no longer in need of sex and intimacy like when I was younger. So my choice is clear. Now that I’m pushing 50 I am going to stop acting like a baby/old person.
Exhibit A: I find my quieter friends saying more now that I listen more. Ding! Surprising I know.
B. I have a song that I keep at the ready in case of aural abuse. It’s called Chinatown and it’s by DO Make Say Think and it will pleasantly reset your brain to neutral.
C. By walking towards the shitty music somehow I don’t hear it as much anymore. It doesn’t make much sense but it’s a Buddhist thing. Look it up.
D. The other night I went into the same said Guardian Drugs to get some nose spray. Because I can’t live with out it. That and lip balm. And melatonin. And anti-reflux meds. And boner pills. I’m getting off topic. Inside the Guardian there was the hardest rap playing over those tiny ceiling-mounted speakers. I mean this man was very angry at the in his life. Apparently they had done a real number on him.
I got my nose spray and then went up to the cashier. “That’s some pretty intense rap happening right now.” And the future rocket scientist said “I really like this playlist but yeah that one is heavy. You just gotta let it play man.”
Okay, sure fella. Just got to get through it eh? No chance of editing these playlists. Once they're made they are set in stone.
"Have a good night Sir."
As untenable as that rap song was it was still preferable to Ed Sheeran it did not stick in my head. I now do all of my pharmaceutical shopping in the evening when that particular future rocket scientist is playing DJ.
