a heart to heart about how the holidays i had treated me to how the holidays are now. where i want to be in 2024 and where i want my holidays to head. from the time i worked thanksgiving to the time i spent christmas eve with a hinge date. how bittersweet i’ve been treated by christmas, new years eve, halloween, thanksgiving, and easter.

burning bridges it seems, but this bridge was already burned. being sick i talk about the friendship that felt like i fell in love. an equal exchange of energy, intentions, and love. the girl that gave me the world as i wanted to know. a chanel bag, a place to house my homelessness, a hermes belt, and stories to tell my children. i sum up a relationship i promised to cherish to the depths of my soul and breath. what i would do if i sold the superficial belongings i was gifted. a dreamer i am again.

halloween 2022 vs. halloween 2023. julia fox, betty boop, and lana del mermaid vs. bella hadid, the white swan, and doja cat. the sex, the parties, the fire started, the bars, the hate crime, and a sexual assault. i look back at how iconic halloweens have been and continue to be. how i dance so close to the fire and how i always bring myself back from the dead. thinking out loud while i still process being beaten, sexually assaulted, and sexually harassed on the same halloween.

“did you miss me?” i talk about my own journey with the manhunt of all manhunts. i open up about my struggles of coming out and how i came to know who i am. with my being ever changing i re-quiz myself and my sexuality. i think out-loud about my current and past friends’ taste in men. all while falling down the buzzfeed rabbit-hole.

with the release of the panichi’s peach tree i dive deeper into the grade school education i had. a quick life update being a boyfriend and tinder dated trauma. i talk about the establishment itself and the staff. the bullying i endured, the boys i liked, and the girls i was best friends to. i explore the website; the lunch menus, the faculty, and the school’s mission. i remind myself what a catholic grade school life was.

i’m letting this go. i’m soiling my seeds in the new york sand. good bye to the high school friends i wanted to know for life. i am honest about why i feel my birthday was ruined. how generous i am and how i am hurt. i tried to make this long distance of a dance work. how religion ruined a man and the money i am owed. the pit stop i feel i am. the vacations i wanted to love. the college friends i was a tour guide for. i brought alex’s belongings to boston; only to break my heart.

this baby in the back of the bars; shares where to go and be. i talk about what i like and don’t like about new york’s hospitality industry. the places i will return and the one’s i will not spend a dime at. the journey of learning where i love.

well we love to hear it. the family drama continues as always. i announce my first publication of a collection of poetry. 75 pounds of flesh and bones into ink of the bittersweet tragedies that contributed to my childhood. we dive into the first family members visit to see me. the bad ending of it. how my sister just recently screwed me over. an honest as always heartbeat for y’all.

pride weekend was one to remember; drug headed lovers, swimming in jock straps, pretty and not for the police, and homosexuals of art shows. the drunk adventures i endured during the last weekend of june. started with david’s triumph of an art show, with beauty being on and off the canvases. taken to clockwork then to the train station. then to the dyke march with kindra and new york’s tits. after losing a spot in the bremen carpool, i instead attend the pride i tried convincing my ex-ohio friends to let me enjoy. the emotions of it all.

LETS talk about 787 the not so cunt coffee co i worked for. how i got fired and what i hate about the company. the time i spent being a barista and the depressive episode i was in after being wrongfully fired. the back stabbing baristas of the brand.