Failure To Launch

This week's FtL examines Mickey & Nora, a boilerplate 80s sitcom about the travails of a young newly-married couple and their wacky, disgraced West-African dictator sidekick, Colonel Ntsunge. And wacky side-characters don't come much wackier than the Colonel, as he bumbles through American customs, mispronounces catch phrases, and threatens his political enemies with ethnic cleansing.

Mickey is a former CIA agent now working as a go-go eighties lawyer, only (wouldn't-ya-know-it) nobody believes he's left the agency! And for some reason everybody knows that he was in the agency! And he still acts and works and behaves like he's in the agency!! And - I can't stress this enough - his best friend is a disgraced Senegalese dictator hell bent on returning to power. It kind of seems like he's still in the agency!

Only he can't be in the agency, see, because if was still in the agency then that would mean he wouldn't be allowed to nail his wife... and he really, really, really wants to nail his wife. Like, give it a rest Mickey. There are people over. People who have been charged with war crimes.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Andrew Cherry, Alex Malone

Soundboard: Harry Brimage

Channing Taylor is a cop from the future who's out to prove that policing is a people's job and not a computer's. So he goes back in time to convince his Grandpa (Bill Maher) that Adam Ant's evil plot to cure all diseases has to be stopped, and the only way to do it is to break every time travel rule and irreparably ruin the future. But Bill Maher is determined to make policing a computer's job and not a people's.

Can Channing and Grandpa see eye to eye? Can you wrap a man in fruit loops? Can you cut to every single shot in a feature length pilot with the sound of a broken jack-in-the-box? Only TIME will tell.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone, David Shaw

Soundboard: Fabian Lapham

This week, Failure to Launch examines Faceless, a gritty crime drama in which Game of Thrones star Sean Bean actually lives to the end credits for once! Although the opening scene is him getting shot in the face. So y'know, grain of salt.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Martin Dunlop, Lisa Dib, Alex Malone

Soundboard: Harry Brimage

Sam Elliott brings his distinctive southern charm to this series about the beloved dare-devil travelling the country with his trusty pit crew. Along the way they deal out action, adventure and good old fashioned 70s style misogyny you just like your dad used to make.

But, when Evel threatened by a female stunt rider, him and the boys must band together and do everything they can to put this young upstart back in her place. But, when Evel is threatened by a mad bomber, determined to end his career and his life, him and the boys don't really give two shits.

And neither will you! We promise.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dib, Martin Dunlop

Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

The year is 1998 and the world has recently discovered ironic detachment. Scream 2 is but a fading memory, and Scream 3 is still a glimmer in Courtney Cox-Arquette's eye. Somebody had to fill that gap.

In steps Shaun Cassidy, Failure to Launch's favourite snow globe enthusiast-cum-director, with another snow globe filled romp. It's fun. It's sexy. It's shot like a Smash Mouth video. It's almost certainly meta.

Two aspiring film-makers team up with a generic 90s slacker-dude to make 1998's most daring reality show: Hollyweird. They bait, trap and torture suspected criminals, all on film, and all while apparently evading legal sanction.

Then they have a nice pot of Ovaltine. At least I think they do. Or at least we spent a long time speculating that they might. Or on what exactly Ovaltine is. It's all a little hazy. All I know is that Americans should at least consider drinking Milo.

Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone

Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

This week's pilot documents the real-life exploits of several couples who practise "the lifestyle", and what a life style it is! There's terrible parties, clumsy innuendo and even the occasional game of truth or dare. Well, that, and constant extra-marital affairs, so it's not all lame.

This reality series about suburban swingers aired 2 episodes, so it's not technically a failed pilot. But as Neighbors with Benefits teaches us, it's not cheating if it doesn't break the rules.

Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Fabian Lapham

Soundboard: Alex Malone

In this week's unexpectedly raunchy episode of Failure to Launch, we examine Island City, a world ravaged by formerly-human-now-super-strong-neanderthals, the victims of a genetic experiment gone wrong. The remnants of humanity cower inside the fortress-like Island City, desperately searching for a cure.

Well… I've used words like "cower" and "desperate", but for the most part everyone's really relaxed about the whole situation. So much so, that when a rescue worker is lost in the mutant-infested wasteland and given 48 hours to live, the rest of his team just grab a drink, catch up on some sleep, kinda, y'know, have a bit of R&R. Just 48 hours of "me" time.

Also, Abraham Lincoln hits on someone's mum. Oh, and there's eugenics, and everyone's cool with it (including the writers). This was a weird one.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone, David Shaw

Soundboard: Fabian Lapham

Welcome to Shangri-La Plaza, an all singing, all dancing strip mall where everything you need is under one roof. Provided you're somehow capable of sustaining yourself on donuts, frozen yogurt and child neglect.

Along for the ride is the world's most indignant cafe employee (who is as likeable as she sounds), a crippled gang leader (who is even less threatening than he sounds) and a precocious 8 year old (who is actually fine. We've got no beef with her).

Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Alex Malone

Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

This week's Failure to Launch examines an attempt to reboot 1965's Lost in Space for the early 2000s. As with any reworking of a series with a strong, loyal fan base, it's important to carefully examine the source material, find the elements that made the show work, then make those elements the core of a modern, exciting retelling, that pays loving homage to the original series.

Thing is, the element they took from the original was Dad Knows Best™. And what Dad reckons sounds best is uprooting his family and dragging them across killer alien-infested space to start a new life on a farming colony, even though his family's opinion on the matter ranges from "I'd rather not" to "I will never forgive you for this", and there's no particular reason to go beyond Dad Knows Best™. Dad may be legitimately insane.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone

Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

WARNING: This episode contains multiple Nathan Cavaleri references. Apologies to people who didn't grow up in Australia in the early 90s.

In further proof that The Consumption will watch anything that Billy Zane puts his name to, we travel this week to the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time series. Or, rather, one house in the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time series. Or one smoke filled room in one house in the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time.

It's the story of one man's desperate search for his wife and family, which ends in anticlimax when it turns out he's just playing hide and seek. Or tragedy when you consider that he's hallucinating and murdered them days ago.

Either way, we'd watch paint dry if the paint was played by Billy Zane. He could do it too. He's got the range.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone

Soundboard: Andrew Cherry