Failure To Launch

This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we dissect MODESTY BLAISE starring Anne Turkel (Humanoids from the Deep, The Fear), Lewis Van Bergen (Pinocchio's Revenge) and Carolyn Seymour (Congo and Mr. Mom).

Modesty and her friend Willie are pair of Jet settin', knife fightin', table hustlin', Kmer Roug-in', Art Stealin', smutty fortune cookie writin' rogues who just stumble upon a very public Kidnapping.

After saving Emma Woodhouse from the clutches of... we don't know? Emma is reluctant to give up any information the daring duo set off to... oh they have a nap? Ok...

When the head of the Secret Intelligence Agency; Gerald Tarrant politely knocks on the door to claim Emma, Modesty won't let her go so easily. Left with no other choice he... he just goes...

So it's up to Modesty and Willie to... do something? to... work for Tarrant? What!?

Tune in to this exciting episode to find out; something about a computer? A dominatrix villain and her giant man baby? Does the plot reveal ever come?

Be sure to stick around for the end of this bizarre pilot. It's really something special.

This HALLOWEEN Martin Dunlop joined us as we watched SHIVERS starring Lesley-Anne Down (The Bold and the Beautiful, Sunset Beach, The Pink Panther Strikes Again) and Mark Lindsey Chapman (Titanic, Swamp Thing and FTL favourite ANNIHILATOR!).

David and his daughter Amanda move into a new house, but find it's haunted by three American revolution era Ghosts; Jack Marlowe, a highwayman who died with his dick out falling of a barn's support beam; Cassandra, a raunchy Tavern Wench who fell off the beam along with Jack and finally; Silas, a disgusting pig-loving farm hand, whom they fell on. But who gives a shit about all that?

When Amanda's new Teacher just shows the fuck up unannounced, she's so disgusted by David's loud yawning and open shirt that she pre-emptively expels Amanda. What a cow.

Can the Ghosts who were malicious, like, two minutes ago help impress the haughty Miss Gordon? Can David ever convince his kids that he doesn't hate his ex-wife? Can Matthew... wait... there's another kid?

Find out in this Spooky Special episode of Failure to Launch. It's Spoooooktacular!

This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we examine VENUS ON THE HARD DRIVE created by Chuck Lorre (Big Bang Theory, Dharma and Greg, Two and a Half Men) starring Oded Gross (Story producer on... Cake Boss?... Cake Boss) and the voice of Maggie Roswell (The Simpsons, Pretty in Pink).

Harry is a snarky IT worker who unwittingly uncovers Venus; a government spy program who is also a snarky sexy lady that moves in with him and his snarky snark housemate, Ozzy the snark (Lord Snark of House Snark).

More than 10 years after Weird Science, Chuck Lorre thought he'd give it another crack... but what if this time... it was a shitty Chuck Lorre show.

If you love Big Bang theory and Two and a Half Men, then you'll tolerate Venus on the Hard Drive... and you probably wonder why we're so hard on all these great shows. You absolute muppet.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone, David Shaw Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

*Jeez we've been talking about banging a lot lately.

This week on Failure To Launch we watched Time Slip. John Taylor from Duran Duran is "The Hacker" and he's finally hacked the mainframiest mainframe of all. The mainframe of the future, allowing him to see visions of what is to come. What does this modern Nostradamus do with his power? Watch people getting it on.

A la The Twilight Zone, this vision of the future is the story of Greg and Jenny committing the crime of love in a cold robotic future where everything is on fire.

When Greg intentionally wipes their records from the security system he is shocked to find that the security system "Lee" no longer recognises him and won't let him back in the office, so Greg has no choice but to KILL LEE.

Listen to find out if Greg and Jenny can survive this stupid STUPID game of cat and mouse on this week's Failure to Launch.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Alex Malone, Harry Brimage, Andrew Cherry Soundboard: David Shaw

(Apologies for the audio issues with this episode. Someone absent-mindedly turned their microphone off during the recording.)

This week on Failure to Launch we examine MICROCOPS, a 1989 sci-fi comedy about Microscopic Alien Cops who's society is entirely made up rule abiding sticklers. So they come to Earth to learn to loosen up, party down and stop a microscopic criminal who is causing oil spills and advocating, like, you know, whatever man WOOP WOOP.

But because they are so tiny, in order to get around this massive world they hijack the first person they stumble across; Morgan, a scientist who's entire career involves developing a molecule that will clean up oil spills. So convenient WOOP WOOP!

Can Bidra and Nardo save earth with Morgan's help? Can Bidra learn "What is Kissing?" Can Morgan win back the love of his life from the evil millionaire funding all his projects? And can we forget the endless "WOOP WOOPs"? Oh God the WOOPs. Make them stop.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone, David Shaw Soundboard: Lisa Dib

This week's Failure to Launch examines Slickers, a sitcom vehicle for up-and-coming standup Michael Richards (Seinfeld, unfortunate viral footage) and SNL star Dana Carvey (Wayne's World, that film with the egg suit.) Richards is a maverick New York cop sent to teach a young, small town Sheriff Carvey the ways of big city policing, dog training and how to name knives.

With this kind of star power, you'd think this'd be a shoe-in for at least one season. Fate, just OK jokes and unjustifiably sappy kids get in the way and leave you going... eh.

IMDB - Slickers

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dib Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

In this week's Bonus! 20% Value! episode of Failure to Launch, we examine Blade Squad, Fox's attempt to take every 90s fad and boil it down to a concentrate, suitable for washing heavily soiled Hypercolour t-shirts.

We meet a rag-tag group of cops on their last chance, as they're all loose cannons. A sergeant, hot off being shot in the head, recruits them into a experimental squad of his own design - normal cops, but they've got rollerblades and jetpacks now, plus they're loose cannons.

But how will these loose cannons cope when the silliest show we've watched in years takes an incredibly inappropriate dark turn? Could this really be part of the show's continuity?

Turns out it's just some loose canon.

Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dib Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

This week on Failure To Launch Xander Allan joins us as we follow the journey Alex Wilder (Melissa George from Home and Away & The Slap), a young professional with a bitch of a boss and an approaching marriage that she's not totally sure she's ready for. You know what this calls for! ROAD TRIP! Into a massive tornado. Alex is transported into the magical world of Oz where she meets magical and weird characters who are mostly just normal people. The scarecrow isn't even a scarecrow. It's just a dude. Why do Oz like this?

They are pursued by the Ring-wraiths from Lord of The Rings into an underwater kingdom ruled by the Good Witch of the South who tells them a confusing story about how Oz is doomed and it's all that bitch Dorothy's fault. Along the way they meet up with a perplexing goth who has to do cartwheels or backflips every 3 seconds to help them on their perilous journey.

What dangers lie in wait? You'll have to listen to find out. But rest assured it'll be real dumb.

You can find Xander Allan on Twitter @crimsonxander, or catch him hosting Trivia at the Vic Hotel in Brunswick, 7:30 every Wednesday! Get around it!

IMDB - Lost in Oz

Reviewers: James Ferris, Xander Allan, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dib Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

Australian listeners! Over in the US, our fellow failed pilot historians (deficio-nauclerusists?) at the Couch Pilots podcast will soon dive into a curio from OzTV: Australia's Naughtiest Home Videos, the doomed clip show infamously yanked from the channel 9 airways mid-broadcast.

If you're unfamiliar with this piece of Aussie TV history, we suggest you let Jason & Blake run you through it. Look out for the episode on the 11th/12th of September on any reputable podcast service!

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In this week's Failure to Launch, we ask: why would you bother remaking Turner and Hooch? Unfortunately, this 1990 TV adaption of the classic Tom Hanks 'reluctantly looks after a dog' film doesn't give us any answers. It does however give us a plot that revolves almost entirely around the theft of a pecan pie though so it's not all bad news. Also Turner seems to gain full custody of a child he arrested because there's no room in the cells. That's how the law works, right?

But seriously why would you bother remaking Turner and Hooch?

Well, NBC had big plans for the Summer of 1990, big dog-based plans. If you've listened to our podcast before you may already be familiar with Poochinski, the story of a dead detective whose soul gets transferred into a living dog. Excitingly, Turner and Hooch aired directly after Poochinski to become the titular second dog in NBC's now legendary Two Dog Night lineup.

Armed with that really shitty pun, and the crime-solving dog market now seemingly cornered, NBC had the world at their feet. What could possibly go wrong?

Well they don't solve any crimes. Turner does get called in to investigate the disappearance of some bread and a pecan pie, and then Hooch accordingly mauls a child, but that's not technically solving anything. They also didn't write any jokes. They do have an angry middle-aged man that inexplicably HATES his dog, but we're not sure that counts as a joke. As a result we're left with 20 minutes of the televisual equivalent of white noise that pleasingly goes quicker than you'd think.

But we all know that making the transition to the small screen is never easy (see Mr. & Mrs. Smith), so it is a welcome relief for Turner and Hooch fans to see an old friend return to lend his star power to this project. That's right, reprising his title role, Beasley the Dog is back! They got Hooch guys! They got Hooch!

IMDB - Turner & Hooch (Pilot)

Reviewers: James Ferris, Claire Sullivan, Alex Malone, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry