Faith, Trust and Tears

Life hasn't looked anything like I thought it would these past several months.

Since my last episode, I've been arrested, lost my job, driven across the country twice, watched my long-distance relationship become even longer distance, walked away from close family relationships, lost friendships, struggled with accepting help, and found myself in one of the biggest seasons of uncertainty I've ever experienced. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I realized my biggest struggle wasn't any one circumstance. It was control.

This episode marks a pause. God is leading me into a season of stillness, stripping, and rebuilding. I talk about the spiritual warfare I’ve been walking through, the friendships that fell away, the patterns God exposed in me, and why He’s calling me into a quiet place with Him. Just like Jesus in the wilderness, this season is about obedience, honesty, and letting God remake me from the root. Whenever I return, I pray it’s with a renewed spirit and a clearer purpose anchored in Him.

If you have ever read Proverbs and felt personally attacked, welcome to the club. I talk about my daily commitment to this book, how God exposed my gossip, my fear, my false humility, and the way I tear myself down without noticing. It is rough, but it is freedom.

This episode sits in the middle of my real life. My relationships have been shifting. People have been pulling away. I shaved my head and stepped into a new version of myself, and the reactions have been mixed. I have felt judged, misunderstood, and alone. But even in the middle of that loneliness, God has been pressing on my heart that He is still shaping me. 

I did something I’ve been wanting to do for years...I shaved my head. Not for a trend, not out of impulse, but because God told me to cut it off. For years, my hair was tied to my identity, my confidence, and honestly, my need for approval. But when it all had to go, I realized He was freeing me from way more than dead ends.

This week and last week have been rough. I cried more than I want to admit, had panic attacks, and felt like the enemy was trying to wear me down, but God was louder. Through all the fear and chaos, I saw growth. I saw strength. I saw faith that actually stood.

God humbled me, reminded me to slow down, to stop rushing, to be content with what I already have. And even when I spiraled into old habits, He met me right where I was... again.

This week, I realized how hard it is for me to just accept blessings without waiting for something to go wrong. I was talking to my mom about how blessed I’ve felt—how God’s been answering prayers and showing up everywhere I turn. and in the same breath, I started doubting it. Like, “What if this is just the calm before the storm?”

But God’s been teaching me something new: to rest in His goodness. To stop bracing for trials and start trusting His timing. To see blessings as blessings, not warnings.

This week, I hit a wall. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so far from God until I realized, I’d fallen into sin and started hiding. Shame took over. I spiraled. I broke. But God met me in the middle of it on the floor, in silence, and reminded me what grace really means.

I’ll be real, I’ve spent a lot of my life praying like God was my problem-solver on call. “Fix this, bless that, make this easier.” But lately, God’s been convicting me to flip the question: instead of “what can You do for me,” asking “Lord, what can I do for You?”

 In this episode I’m coming for your comfort zone and mine too. Laziness, excuses, and blaming the devil for stuff he didn’t even do!! it’s all on the table. I dig into what God actually says about laziness, how we love to overcomplicate change, and why the power to move forward is already in us through Christ and yes I’m calling you out. If you’ve been waiting for motivation, this is your sign to get up and do it.