I dropped out at Snowdrop after 23 miles. It's embarrassing and humiliating, but my mind wasn't right. I didn't feel like being out on the course for over two days, even though I knew what I signed up for. I was surrounded by friends but I felt lonely. I tried getting out of my head, which worked for a while and then the DNF Fairy would return, encouraging me to quit.

I learned that I am not cut out for these 100-milers. It's not my thing. I've been saying for years that I'm going to dial it back to the shorter distances, which are more doable, I think.

I signed up for a 6-hour race in mid-February. Some have questioned whether I should take on such an event so soon. I don't know, I feel like I need to do something to try to get my mojo back. 

I may return to cycling, but I need a bike. Some have suggested mountain biking, which is slightly terrifying, but it still is trail adjacent.

That's the thing: the trails and the community are where I feel most at home. I can't bear the thought of losing that connection.