Family Matters

Is it healthy and appropriate for wives to take the lead when it comes to lovemaking? My husband and I enjoy a fulfilling and satisfying sex life, but that's one thing I've wondered about: There are times when I desire physical intimacy, but I have doubts about whether it's right for me to get things started. I guess I've always felt that should be the man's place. What are your thoughts?

We really want to develop a meaningful relationship with our grandchildren, but over time our daughter and son-in-law have pushed us away to the point where it seems they don't want much to do with us. As a result, we have very little interaction with the grandkids. When their parents do allow it, the time is very limited. What is the best way to approach this situation?

Would it be okay for me to ask my bride-to-be to get tested for infertility before we're married? I can't understand the current trend toward "intentional childlessness" or the apparent devaluation of children in our culture – in fact, I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember! I also believe that marriage, sex, and children are all part of the same package (I'm sure your ministry agrees). Instead of choosing childlessness, I'm determined to be intentional about having kids. If I can't do this with my betrothed, I'm not sure I want to pursue marrying her. What do you think?

Am I saved by faith or good works? As a new Christian, I was relieved to hear that salvation doesn't depend on works, but solely on God's gift of grace. But then someone told me that "faith without works is dead" and that God cares as much about my actions as He does about my beliefs. Now I'm worried. Maybe I'm not "doing" enough to get into heaven. What do you think? Can you help me understand what seems like a contradiction?

How can I encourage my parents to stop spoiling our children? Grandma and Grandpa give my kids whatever they ask for, sometimes in complete disregard of my wishes. I don't want to alienate my parents, but I've got to do something. Any ideas?

As a father, what are some of the key roles that I play in the life of my daughter? What areas in her life should I focus on and what are some things I can do to create a healthy relationship between us?

Can you help me "let go" of my son who is heading off to study at university? I'm worried about the challenges he'll be facing on his own – challenges to his faith and his moral values, not to mention the practical challenges of living on his own for the first time. We've always been a close-knit family, and sometimes the thought of seeing him go is almost too much for me. In fact, I've been lying awake nights thinking about this. How can I deal with this transition?

Do you have any assistance to offer to someone who seriously wants to stop drinking? Where do I find the professional help I need? I'm desperate to overcome my problem with alcohol, but hard experience has convinced me that I can't beat this addiction on my own. Now my wife is threatening to take our children and leave, and to make matters worse, I just got a warning from my employer about missing too much work. What should I do?

How can I adjust my schedule so as to bring about a healthier equalization between the time I spend at work and the time I devote to the rest of life's activities and demands? I've really tried to do this, but it seems that something suffers no matter what I do. Besides, I don't think I've ever met anyone who has been able to put it all together. What does a "balanced" life look like in your opinion? How can I have that kind of life?

How can I know that I'm saved when I don't feel saved? I know that many people struggle with doubts about this – it's a problem I've had throughout my Christian life. I've talked to many pastors over the years, and nearly all of them have told me the same thing. They said that if I've asked God to save me, then I'm saved. I also know what the Bible says about this – that the Lord will save us if we simply call upon Him. But that knowledge doesn't always help. A few nights ago it got so bad that I was completely convinced that I am not saved and never will be. It was more than just a doubt, more than just a feeling. It was debilitating. I was beyond functioning. I can't go on living with this kind of despair. Can you help me?