In this episode of Family Systems in 15 Minutes, I’m looking at one of the sneakiest structural problems in family therapy: what happens when parents stop being in charge.

In family therapy, the authority issues are usually much harder to spot. They show up as “communication problems,” school refusal, anxiety, conflict, curfew debates, or one parent being “too harsh” while the other becomes “the protector.”

Using de-identified consultation material, I walk through three signs that the real issue may be structural: repeated conflict between parent and child, coalitions that cross generational boundaries, and hidden alliances that keep the whole system stuck.

I also share a practical intervention I call the proposal method, which helps reduce haggling, strengthen the parental subsystem, and put parents back in a united leadership position.

For therapists, psychologists, and anyone who enjoys family systems theory with a tiny bit of sarcasm and a cold, frozen English heart.

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For therapists, psychologists, and anyone who enjoys family systems theory with a tiny bit of sarcasm and a cold, frozen English heart.

Reframes in family systems therapy are one of the most powerful tools a therapist can use — and one of the least explicitly taught. In this video I break down FRAME, a five-step framework for formulating and delivering reframes that actually land, using a single family case study from first session to intervention.Whether you're new to family therapy or looking to sharpen your structural family therapy techniques, this exercise will change how you think about the identified patient — and what family counseling techniques can do when the whole system is in the room.I send a weekly email with family systems case studies, techniques, and tools — it's totally free, click here to sign up https://www.mypeoplepatterns.com/newsletters/family-systems-h-i-t-newsletter/subscribeWe cover how to move from individual to relational framing (a cornerstone of Salvador Minuchin's structural family therapy), how to find the function of a symptom, and why tentative language is the difference between a reframe that opens a family up and one that closes them down.If you work in marriage and family therapy, family systems therapy, or any relational therapy context, this is for you.

and for more Structural Family Therapy Training Online click here

This week I get into circular questioning, the approach I reach for most when I want a family to stop handing out blame and start noticing the pattern they're all standing inside.

I sort it into five types, something I wish someone had laid out for me years earlier, and I talk through the one thing that separates a question that moves a family from one that only sounds clever. Oh and I include lots of examples of circular questions too.

It holds up just as well in couples and individual work, which is half of why I find it so useful. Have a listen, and tell me if you want the running list of questions I still bring into sessions. Some of my other family therapy worksheets PDFS here

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Parental alienation is one of the most heartbreaking dynamics therapists encounter when working with divorced families. In this video, I break down the five structural stages of parental alienation through the lens of Salvador Minuchin's family systems theory—so you can recognize it early, assess it accurately, and intervene effectively.Whether you're a therapist working with teens who refuse to see one parent, or supporting devastated caregivers whose children won't stay with them anymore, understanding these five pillars will give you a clear roadmap for clinical intervention.I'll walk you through what a healthy family structure looks like, then show you exactly how it deteriorates step by step—from the initial fracture to the self-reinforcing lock-in stage. You'll learn to differentiate alienation from estrangement, recognize triangulation patterns, and understand why individual therapy with the child alone won't solve this systems problem.If you work with families going through high-conflict divorces, this structural breakdown will help you spot the warning signs before alienation becomes entrenched.
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I want to make the case that everything you've already learned as a family systems therapist transfers directly into working with teams and organizations. The theory, the clinical instincts, the assessment approach: it all applies.

In this episode I break down the eight structural areas I examine when I'm consulting with managers and workplace teams, all drawn directly from structural family systems theory.

From power and hierarchy to boundaries and scapegoating, the patterns that show up in struggling companies look a lot like the ones we see in struggling families.

Whether you're curious about expanding your practice or just want a fresh lens on the work you're already doing, this one's for you.

If you've thought about offering this kind of work, I hope this shows you that you're already closer to being ready than you might think.

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Have you ever walked out of a session knowing something felt off — tense, charged, heavy — but struggled to find the clinical language to describe it? In this episode, I unpack a deceptively simple framework that gives therapists a more precise lens for what's actually happening in the room.

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In every exchange between people carries two simultaneous signals: status (where each person positions themselves in terms of power) and warmth (the emotional attitude beneath the words). These two axes operate independently — someone can be warm and controlling at the same time, or cold and deferential — and learning to track both can sharpen your clinical observations considerably. This is so helpful to understand in family therapy sessions and gives us a way to interpret and intervene.

Learn the essential techniques that make structural family therapy so effective. In this comprehensive guide, I break down each core technique with practical examples and real-world applications to help you work more effectively with families.Whether you're a seasoned family therapist or just starting out, these techniques will transform how you approach family sessions. From establishing rapport through joining to creating powerful change through enactments, you'll discover the tools that matter most.

Check out my complete course "Family Systems Step-by-Step": https://www.oliverdrakefordtherapy.com/training/family-therapy-training-online

I break down a practical, real-world structural family systems therapy assessment kit built from a mistake I made early in my career. Despite strong rapport and supportive techniques, I completely missed what was actually driving change in the family. What I learned is that without a clear structure for assessing what’s happening in the room, therapists get pulled into the family’s story instead of seeing the system. This video introduces the exact frameworks I now use in every first session to quickly organize complex family dynamics and avoid that trap.You’ll learn six core assessment areas—identified patient dynamics (GLANCE), power and hierarchy (WIRES), family structure, the parental team, developmental fit, and boundaries—each paired with a simple worksheet you can use immediately. Together, these tools form a complete structural family therapy assessment kit designed to help you map the system, spot patterns, and build a working hypothesis from the very first session. Whether you’re a trainee or experienced therapist, this approach gives you a faster, clearer way to understand families and intervene more effectively.Get your hands on the free 59-page family therapy worksheets pdf here : https://www.mypeoplepatterns.com/offers/JS5zqgC3/checkout

Every family faces stress at some point, but the way they handle it is often part of the reason they come to see a family therapist. Understanding where stress comes from is important. In my experience, most assessments look at just one area, but families often face stress from several sources at once. In this post, we’ll explore where stress comes from and how to see how a family is handling it.

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When a child in your caseload is lying constantly, the first question most parents want answered is how to stop it. In this episode, I want to offer a better one: what is this lie actually doing? From a family systems perspective, lying is almost never just bad behavior — it's a signal embedded in a pattern. I walk through the two main types of lying that show up in family work, five specific patterns that sit inside them, and the systemic loop that keeps the whole cycle running despite everyone's best efforts to shut it down. There's also a genuinely counterintuitive intervention from the literature that I've found worth knowing about — one that works precisely because it doesn't try to stop the lying at all.

The link to the newsletter is here https://www.mypeoplepatterns.com/newsletters/family-systems-h-i-t-newsletter/posts/lying-in-family-therapy 

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Find out more about me and what I do at Oliver Drakeford Therapy