L'shana Tova, little nuggets! That means ''Happy New Year'' in Hebrew - if you don't know, now you know! This week we are celebrating the High Holy Days! Challah! (Said like, Holla! Get it?) 

 

First Kelly and Lindsey sit down and talk Rosh Hashanah, aka the Jewish new year, and Lindsey teaches Kelly all about blowing the shofar and butt blasts. Sounds sexual but we promise it's not. 

 

The ladies then get even sexier and dive into the other High Holy day, Yom Kippur aka the "Day of Atonement", and talk about sexy things like breadcrumbs, bland food and repenting for your sins which oddly does make us a little horny. 

 

All this Jewish speak inspires us to start to plan Kelly's upcoming Bat Mitzvah. Date and location TBA. Her theme will be Cats (the animals not the musical) and there will be a 19-year-old DJ who will only play Jock Jams and Mariah Carey. If you want an invite please email us at [email protected] or leave a comment in the reviews with your contact info. We aren't kidding. 

 

We then end our episode with some very important information on different ways to donate, volunteer and support our community during these very trying times with fires, homelessness, pandemics, unemployment, etc.  If you would like to help please refer to the links below. 

 

Hearts and Farts, 

 

Kelly and Lindsey

 

 

Big Basin Redwoods Recovery fund- Money donated will go to rebuilding Big Basin Redwoods state park, the oldest state park in California acquired in 1902. 

https://www.thatsmypark.org/parks-and-beaches/big-basin-redwoods-state-park/

 

 

California Wildfires Recovery Fund-

This foundation provides emotional and financial assistance to families of fallen firefighters, firefighters and the communities they protect. 

www.cafirefoundation.org

 

 

Helping The Homeless-

The following link is an excellent resource to help you find an organization that fits your needs.

https://www.volunteermatch.org/covid19?gclid=CjwKCAjw74b7BRA_EiwAF8yHFC3hAb8z0HZ30YsRy-grwlc32t6wssDC93vhHAUg5CUvxf0_o6OddxoCpyYQAvD_BwE

 

 

CarePacksLA-

https://www.instagram.com/carepacksla/

 

 

Organizations for Actors/ Performers-

https://www.arts.gov/covid-19-resources-for-artists-and-arts-organizations

 

https://actorsfund.org/services-and-programs/covid-19-resource-list

 

 

Grants for Artists If You Need Help-

https://www.artistrelief.org

 

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This week Kelly and Lindsey sit down in a room together and Zoom with Broadway actress Mariand Torres to talk University of Miami, witchcraft, and being responsible for the breakdowns of several disgruntled teachers.

We start the school day off with everyone’s favorite class, MATH. Lindsey swore that she would never teach math again yet somehow got roped into teaching Kelly and Mariand about geometry and introduces the ladies to the coolest and possibly the only song written about rhombuses.

Kelly then takes the ladies to everyone’s second least favorite class, French, where Mariand confesses that she once broke her French teacher and made her have a nervous breakdown in class and still feels bad about it. In Mariand’s defense, she really didn’t do anything wrong. Teacher just needed a vacation? A massage? A career change? 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

 

For recess we play a little Fuck, Marry, Kill ‘Wizard of Oz’ style in honor of Mariand starring as Elphaba on Broadway and there are conflicting opinions about the Tin Man’s genitals.

 

We then hop, skip and jump over to Geography and play a game that Lindsey never named about Miami and the Dominican Republic where Mariand was born. Spoiler: Mariand and Kelly pretty much got all the questions right and Lindsey should have probably written a harder game. Noted.

 

We end our school day in World Religion class where we play the game ‘Witch Is Which’ or ‘Which Is Witch’, (you choose) where we confirm that witches were totally misunderstood and were just trying to help the crops grow and make the world a better place but people are idiots and made them evil. Such is life. Make America Witchy Again!!!

 

Will Kelly break her losing streak? Will Lindsey hold onto her cap and gown? Will Mariand ride off into the sunset on a broomstick and take the title of Smartest Person In The Room? Listen to the episode to find out!

 

Follow Mariand:

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https://twitter.com/MariandTorres

 

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First things first.... Happy Labor Day y’all!!!!! Second thing second, big announcement!!!! We are now doing sneak peeks of episodes of FYIS every Thursday at 5pm PDT on IG live so please join us!!! On this week’s episode, Kelly and Lindsey sit down in an actual room together just like Lindsey promised to chat about their recent trip to CAT Cityyyyyyy!!! Do you know where or what Cathedral City is? Probably not. All you need to know is that there is a movie theatre there and that Dirty John once lived there in a trailer on his sister's property.  What more could you really ask for in a vacation?

In honor of an award winning performance that happened in CAT CITY we go down a deep Meatloaf hole. (Not the food, the person.) Did you know that he feels like a sad clown?  Please send him some fan mail because he deserves it. We end our episode chatting about Labor Day and why it’s more than just a day to BBQ and drink your face off although please go ahead and do what you need to do to cope with the shit storm that we are currently living in. To watch the recording of the sneak peek of this episode please go to our Instagram and don’t forget to join us Thursday at 5pm on IG live: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

 

 

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This week, these two idiots talk to comedian, writer, actor, mystic chick and Mandy Patinkin fan Sarah Taylor.

Because Sarah leads full moon circles and reiki healing sessions, we start the school day off in astrology/astronomy and learn first of all, which is which and also what the dark side of the moon is besides an album that you start when you hear the third lion's roar in The Wizard Of Oz.

We then hop, skip and jump over to English class to do a deep dive on some Shakespeare and his love for some whores in this house. Did you know that WAP actually stands for William Ass shakes-PEARE?? True story.

For Recess we go old school with a game of MASH where we learn that Sarah once loved Scott Bao but not anymore because now he's a Fuckboi Ass Hat. Another true story.

Because Sarah once starred in the show 'Hot in Cleveland', we head on over to Geography class and play a game all about Cleveland where we learn that the Cuyahoga river has been on fire not ONCE... not TWICE... not THREE TIMES... BUT THIRTEEN TIMES!!!! Hey, Cleveland. Hi. What you got going on over there? We are worried about you.

Before the last school bell rings we head on over to drama class where Ms. Kelly is holding auditions for the school musical and Lindsey and Sarah are forced to sing songs from 'CATS' and 'Annie' and we learn how racist "Thoroughly Modern Millie' is. Yet another true story.

Will Sarah take home the graduation cap? Will Kelly show us who's in charge since Charles is now out of the picture? (see what we did there) Will the stars align and will Lindsey break her losing streak? Listen to find out, will ya?

 

Find Sarah:

sarahtaylor.org

 

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This week K & L zoom zoom with author, comedian and former Sex and the City tour guide Selena Coppock to talk Magnolia Cupcakes, Manolo Blahniks and more.    In honor of Selena’s New York Times Wedding section parody site, @NYTVows, we start off our school day in Home Ec where we play the game, “I Do Or I Don’t”.    We then skip on over to everyone’s favorite class, Sex Ed, where we learn about blowjobs, clit size and food fetishes all through the eyes of our favorite Sex and the City foursome. We are all such Samanthas, aren’t we?   For recess Lindsey and Selena reminisce about their former jobs in New York as Sex and the City tour guides and the ladies share their war stories riding around on what Selena describes as a "sorority on wheels".    Lindsey then leads Film class where we play “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” in honor of Selena’s book 'The New Rules For Blondes', which you can buy online wherever books are sold and Amazon but try to find it somewhere else first, will you? Please!    We end our school day in Kelly’s English class where we have a good old fashioned book report on the book 'The Scarlet Letter' where we all decide that we should reread the book because it has everything! Drama, sex, scandal and more!    Will Kelly win another episode? Will Lindsey end her losing streak? Will Selena beat our hosts and leave them in the dust of the SATC tour bus? Probably.          Find Selena: https://twitter.com/SelenaCoppock https://www.instagram.com/selenacoppock/         Buy Selena's book: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/the-new-rules-for-blondes-selena-coppock?variant=32122057424930       Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

 

 

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This week, your favorite ladies sit down with astrologer, bee keeper, stand-up comic, tennis champ, metalhead and self-proclaimed animal dork Lars Mellis.         Kelly starts our day off in Zoology with snail facts for days. Snail sex first thing in the morning? Sign us up! We then hop on over to Shop class for the game 'Shop Is So Fucking Metal' where we learn about steel, carbon, nikel and GLAM METAL, baby!!!! Death to all but metal!!!!!         During recess, Lars reads our astrology charts and we dive into how Kelly and Lindsey are different but the same but also so different and figure out why they are true soulmates. The stars don't lie. Who is the detail oriented one? We thought we knew but now we have no idea.         Kelly then takes us to Cryptozoology where we learn that Lindsey doesn't do myths but Lars does them soooooo good.  Should we add cryptozoology as one of the parts of his brand? Probably.         We end our school day in Social Studies with the game, 'You Are Such A B' which is convoluted but eventually we work as a team and we get there. Lars then wows us with a Heavy Metal tiebreaker quiz where we learn that Kelly and Lindsey were more goth than metalhead and that's okay.         Will Lars shoot for the stars and win the game? Yup. He will. Listen now to find out how he did it.         Find Lars on the socials:             https://www.instagram.com/liveyourtruth_lars/             https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=lars+mellis             https://twitter.com/LiveUrTruthLars             Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

 

 

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This week we talk to Dani Faith Leonard - producer, comedian, host of 'Adult Sex Ed', and one of Lindsey's best college buddies.  They reminisce about the good 'ole days in their abusive University of Miami theatre program (there was a day called "Gun Day" you guys) and Dani talks about growing up on Long Island as a artsy, liberal Jew in a conservative, remedial town.

 

First, Lindsey takes us to Marching Band, where we learn about some of the disgusting scandals that mar one of Dani's sacred pastimes.  Then Kelly takes us to History class where the girls discuss the Ancient Wonder of the Ancient World (don't worry, they don't know what they were either) and the difference between poofs and ottomans.

 

For Recess the girls are cast in Dani's play that she wrote at age 11, a reimagining of Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' through the lens of Seinfeld.  Then Lindsey takes us to English class for an annoying game of "Spelling Bee Harder" where she makes us spell, define, and make up examples of word concepts we don't know.

 

Kelly's last game is Biology (because Dani said she hated science class as a kid) where we are once again schooled in Kelly's apparent favorite subject - animal sex.

 

Finally, Dani takes us to 'Adult Sex Ed' where we learn what snakes, mites, and pubic hair have in common, and discuss some really disturbing oldey-timey names for vagina.

 

Obviously Dani wins.  Stay for her rousing Valedictorian speech which is basically just a great PSA to women everywhere and a nice little fuck you to a douchebag from HS.

 

Follow Dani Faith:

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Arrest the cops who killed Breonna Taylor.  No one is free until we are all free.

https://justiceforbreonna.org/

On week 5 million of the quarantine, Kelly and Lindsey sit down with producer and former Nebraskan David Marker to talk about corn, Carhenge, and comic books. 

Because David was a math whiz and excelled in choir, Lindsey started the school day off with a mashup class that she sloppily named 'Machoir'. Look, Lindsey said that she was never going to teach another math class again and she had to get creative. Okay? Great.  With math out of the way, Kelly then took us to Gym where we learned that the scoliosis check may or may not have been a hoax. Think about it. Bending all the kids over and running a finger down each student's back... Yeah, that was weird and we would love to know whose idea that was, thanks.  After surviving all the awkward moments of gym classes past we skipped on over to Recess where we played some 'Fuck, Marry, Kill' with comic book characters in honor of Marker's former job working for DC comics. Would you fuck the Penguin? You wouldn't think so but when you find out who is playing him in the next Batman movie you just might change your mind.  After Recess, Lindsey plays theatre teacher with a variation of the long-forgotten theatre game 'Party Quirks' where Kelly and Marker dazzle us with their acting skills and their lack of theatre knowledge.  Because of Marker's past as a Teen Court judge, we end our school day in Teen Court where we dig into some old-timey crime stories and make it CW teen relatable.  Marker ends the school day with a Nebraska quiz where he proves that no one, including himself, knows much of Nebraska the state but we do know a little bit about that 2013 movie called 'Nebraska' starring Will Forte. Who will win in the end? Hint: David Marker went to Yale, so, there's your answer.   Watch David's YouTube show: https://www.youtube.com/user/nerdtainment   Follow David on the socials: https://www.instagram.com/thedavidmarker/ https://twitter.com/thedavidmarker   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

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Show theme provided by Mike Etten: instagram.com/mike_etten/

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To say that Kelly and Lindsey were excited about this week's guest would be a lie. The truth is is that they were really really REALLY excited to sit down with stylist, creative consultant, professional organizer, brand manager and all around problem-solver J'adore Tarrell. So excited that the episode is over 2 hours long. Oops! 

  J'adore has worked and travelled all over the world, so Kelly starts our day off in Geography class with the game 'Boarding Pass or Fail' where we learn about the art scenes and museums of Miami, New York and LA - three cities that Kelly, Lindsey and Tarrell have all lived in at one time in their lives.    Because Tarrell and Kelly met at a Kiddy Country Club in NYC called Appleseeds, we then skip on over to Botany (?) class with the game 'An Apple A Day Keeps The Kiddos Away'. SPOILER: Did you know that apples were a part of the rose family?  Two points for anyone who already knew that. You're a winner, baby!   After spilling the poisoned apple seed tea (did you know appleseeds contain cyanide?!) about Appleseeds in Recess, we thought we would torture our listeners as well as our guest with a game called 'Famous And Sometimes Cruel Experiments' for Psychology class because Tarrell majored in Psychology at NYU and has a dark side.   Then, in honor of J'adore having a crush on his super cute high school history teacher we head on over to History class and play 'History Is So Hot Right Now' where we learn that being called a "Real Lord Byron" is not as sexy as it sounds.    Before the final bell, Tarrell surprises us with a quiz of his own, tailored just for these three long-lost musketeers. Will Jadore outshine Kelly and Lindsey like the star that he truly is? Our guess is probably and because we wrote the episode and this blurb, then, well, the answer is probably probably.  But you'll have to listen to find out.   Connect with Tarrell: https://www.creativeelektro.com/ https://www.instagram.com/iam_jadore/   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

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Neither rain nor hail nor sleet nor snow nor heat of day nor virus of corona shall keep the Gentiles from their road trip.  This week Kelly interrupts their dinner to catch up with Lindsey and her parents, Zooming in from Idaho from the nicest hotel Lindsey's dad has ever been to in his life.  Nick Gentile reads from his trip diary, retracing their tire tracks through the Wild West, and teaching us a thing or two about American History in the process.  We learn about George Washington's lapels on Mt. Rushmore, the spiritual significance of Carhenge, what the Lakota are doing to slow the spread of covid, General Custer's REAL last words, and Nick's deep thoughts about sewage - "But where does it go?!"  Buckle up kiddos!   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

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